Goodbye

Goodbye is one of the hardest words to say. Almost anytime someone says it, at least a little bit of sorrow comes with it, am I right? But why? Why does it feel like someone's piercing you way deep inside? Why does it hurt so much?

Most of the time I think, is that we're afraid of forgetting. You don't want to lose all the precious memories you have had with that someone or something. You know you'll never be able to get them back, so you hold tightly to those memories, hoping the day would never come that you would forget.

It seems like I've had to say this word quite a lot in recent weeks...saying goodbye to all my friends here, and to all the junk I've kept with me all these years, hoping I'll never forget. I could not and and can not do it alone. I've had a couple times where I've just broken down and had to surrendered it all to God. It seems like every time I say it, the pain somehow makes its way a little deeper in my heart more than it previously had. But somehow (with God's help) it doesn't hurt nearly as bad as I imagined it would. I've already had to say goodbye to some of my best friends, but God is so faithful and has helped me get through it every time.

Tonight after saying one of the hardest goodbyes I'll have to say, I opened my Bible and began to read. He helped me realize that yes, it hurts now, but He can use me way more there than He could use me here in America...where I've gotten way too comfortable. He showed me that I've already been able to share God's love and my love to many people here and it's time to spread it to a new place, with new people, and a new need. I'm called to ultimately share love with them in helping them in their desperate physical need. They've lost all hope because we, as the body of Christ, have failed to share hope with them. We as a whole have gotten comfortable in our own little worlds that we don't let God open our eyes to need that might cause us to get up, out of our comfort zones. We have failed to be His hands and feet. It's about time we take our hands away from our eyes and our ears and comprehend the need that's increasing around us. It's time we rise and do what God has called ALL of us as Christians to do. We need to surrendered all we are and all we have to Him.

So yes, we're saying goodbye here, but let me tell you, we're getting ready to say a whole lot more hello's where we are headed. God calls us to give EVERYTHING and follow Him. It'll be worth it.

Fearless

Days are flying by way faster than I ever could've imagined they would. It's scary to think of how close January 25th is...the day we trade in all the things we've gotten ourselves physically attached to (all but 2 suitcases worth...) to move to a place God has called us to go. Yes, it's scary, but that's not the only emotion involved here...

I'm excited to see what God is going to do through the new adventure our ministry takes us to. Just 2 years ago it would've been a crazy thought to move to Guatemala! Who knew!? Well, I guess He did... But yes, God's going to do such amazing things down there! Our faith has grown so much through this journey! (only because He is faithful and has given us the faith we have..so I'm not taking any credit for it-it was all Him! :) )

I'm sad about leaving everyone here. I have a GREAT family and the most amazing friends anyone could ever ask for. It's hard letting go when you have no idea when the next time you'll see them is going to be...knowing full well that it might be until we meet again in Heaven..

I'm frustrated. Why aren't there more people who do what God asks? Why aren't there more people who do whatever is required to be a true disciple? I don't claim to have all the answers and certainly do not claim to be perfect. I've got a lot to work on... But I can say that I am moving to Guatemala. God calls us to give everything we are and have to Him. He calls us to be His true disciples. We need to give Him our EVERYTHING; our spirit, our stuff, who we are, and our entire body. Are we really doing everything He's calling us to do?

I'm hopeful. I've never been to Guatemala. I've never talked to the people. I've never seen the TRUE need first-person. Yes, I've seen pictures and I've heard stories, but I've never seen with my own eyes and I've never heard from my own ears. I've never helped with my own hands. But even though I have no experience there, I have hope that God will do all He has promised. I have hope that He'll help me along the way because there's no way I can do this on my own.

I have peace. I have more peace than any of these other emotions combined. I know that my God will take care of me. I know that my God will provide for everything I'll need. I know that He'll go with me as I go and help these people that are in desperate need; people that have lost all hope. He's called me to this ministry; He's called me to go. I will follow His perfect plan and follow His instructive words, no matter what this world throws at me. I'm ready to suffer for Him. I'm tired of calling myself a Christian, but not really doing much to live it out. I'm ready to help, to get my hands dirty, to love, and to show hope to His people; His precious people. People who the world has forgotten and forsaken. God has not forgotten or forsaken His people. He's waiting for people to rise up and help those who He loves. He wants us to live our lives, being fearless.

Daddy's arms

When you're little, there's no where on earth that is better than Daddy's arms. You don't really know why, but you just feel so safe, that if anything bad happens around you, it doesn't even matter because you're in your daddy's arms.

You get a little older, old enough to make decisions of your own. You're learning your own opinion in life. You feel God telling you that you can go ahead and date this guy. You talk to your dad about it, and he tells you some things to look out for. You hear what he says, and pursue the relationship...but you don't pursue it in the way that you should. You don't handle things the right way, so it becomes not so okay anymore.

It's not like he's a bad guy and you really do bad things...he seems to be following the Lord...and you're following the Lord. But it's that when you were growing up you always dreamed of dating, and you knew exactly how it was going to go when you got to start. But you don't do what's necessary to bring him into the family, to talk about him openly, or even talk to you friends about him that much. You've handled it the wrong way and you know it.

You feel God telling you to let go of the relationship because you clearly aren't ready to handle a relationship. You still hold onto it for a little longer because of a few things: 1. He's pretty stinkin' cute! 2. He seems to be following God, and if he is, then he should have these doubts too. (Even though you know God speaks to some people earlier than He does others..) 3. You really don't mind the feeling when someone likes you enough to come to your workplace and tell you his feelings for you, not knowing what your reply would be. Finally you work up the courage to break it off because you're 100% sure that this is what God is telling you to do.

During all of this, you feel Daddy's arms getting farther and farther away. Not because of him, but because of you. You know he's right, but you can't get yourself to let go. So instead of running to him and saying you're sorry, you just don't really talk about it.

But when you finally do break it off with your boyfriend, you want to run into his arms again, but things are different. You made them different.

Then something bad happens, and it's forcing you to be stronger. You have to figure out what to do, but you just feel so alone. You try and try to do it yourself, but you find yourself running back to Daddy's arms. Suddenly, you're that little girl again. Yes, the world around you feels like it's falling apart, but you're in his arms and everything feels okay.

The same thing is true about our amazing God. When you first find your faith, you feel Daddy's arms around you. Yes, you might feel like everything's falling apart, but it's okay because you're in His arms.

Then you mature and get a little older. You feel like you're old enough, it's time you make decisions of your own. You find a new thing to spend your time on. He voices His concerns, but you're big enough to handle it. You thought it was okay in the beginning, but it's no longer okay because of the way you handle it.

You struggle and finally free yourself from it, but things have changed and you feel like you can't run to Him like you used to be able to.

Something bad happens and it forces you to be a stronger person. It stretches you in ways you never thought you would be stretched. You try to handle it with His help and suddenly, you find yourself running back to His arms like that little girl. Yes everything around you is falling apart, but you're in His arms...