Today, I had the privilege of feeding some of my beloved friends at Hermano Pedro. Not only did I get to feed them, but I got to play with them, hold them, and whisper in their ear, "Te quiero muy mucho" (I love you very much). I got to see the love of Christ through these orphans' eyes. It both broke my heart and yet it was amazing. Amazing becuase this incredible love swept over me and I never wanted to leave them. I wanted to stay there forever and take over the jobs that the nurses there so carelessly do. I want to forever look into their eyes and see such beauty that God made. And it broke my heart because I knew that as soon as I had to put t hem down and leave, they wouldn't be cared for and loved the same. It broke my heart to look into their precious eyes and knew that they aren't wanted bye their parents (with a few acceptions, of course). It broke my heart to see the hurt they feel when their food is just shoved down their delicate throats, when they don't have anyone to whisper "Te quiero muy mucho" in their ears, when they're all alone in their cage, alone for about 7/10 of the day to entertain their needy and twisted selves.

Today, after 5 minutes of being there, I had the privilege of Carlitos throw up on my arm. If I hadn't been there to help him when he needed it, it could've been a long time until a nurse would've noticed. I had the privilege of getting Ariana's overly-filled diaper on my lap because if I didn't hold her despite the smell, she would've been left alone. I had the privilege of having nasty black beans and mushy bread on my hands as I carefully fed Irvin, Julio, and Julian. If I hadn't been there to get it on me, they would've been fed without love, without the funny noises I made as they chewed it, and without the patience.

I absolutely love walking down the rows of cages, loving on the kids, but it breaks my heart. It hurts to know that not many people share the love that I have for those precious kids God made. But even more than it hurts me, it hurts their Creator, our Creator.

The same God who breathed the stars, who carved the mountains, who filled the seas, who made you and me made them. If our amazing Creator created us and them, then why would He love them any differently? Well, He doesn't. We do. Just because their arms and legs don't work, just because t hey can't communicate as we can, because they may not respond to others as we would doesn't mean we should love them any less. God loves them the same as He loves us, so we should do the same. He created them exactly the way He wanted them to be. We should love them in spite of our differences because or Creator created them too. They are part of His beautiful creation, we should accept them and serve them as we are called to serve one another.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted bye the world." James 1:27

I'm sitting here, in San Antonio Aguas Calientes, Guatemala, in utter amazement. Why would our God choose ME to move here? To see such beauty? Why would He choose me out of all people to come and serve Him here? What did I ever do to deserve all this? The answer is nothing. He is just too good to me.

I'm currently reading an amazing book called Radical by David Platt. I'm only on page 30, but he had me hooked on page one. He talks about how wrong American Christians have twisted Christianity into what they want it to be like. They take what God created and make it fit into their standards. They don't want to have to live up to what it calls for, so they just alter it. They have become so self-absorbed and think they need to have everything to make them as comfortable as possible, while there are millions of people around the world right now who are wasting away. Not only are they dying because they don't have enough to live through the day, but they are dying without having known our awesome God. They have failed to do what Christ has called them to do, to forsake everything they have, and follow Him into the homes of the broken. Christ calls us to be His disciples, and in order to do so, they must leave EVERYTHING and follow Him. Everything includes friends, family, homes, stuff, culture, country. Everything. He calls us to serve Him by serving the least of these. To help those who are in need. Do you think we have done a good job at that? Stop and think. Have we really?

The sad and disappointing answer to that question is no. No. We have become so self-absorbed and spend way more money on ourselves so we have a more comfortable meeting place, home, and just everything all together, and have forgotten God's call for Christians. He calls us to give everything and we have failed miserably. There are many, many Christians out there who have to meet in secret because if they could literally lose their lives if they were caught. There are people who have been so bold in sharing the love of Christ as to lose their lives. They have been killed in horrifying ways because they love their Jesus more than anything and have given everything to serve Him, including their own lives.

What have we given for the One who saved us? What have we sacrificed in order to follow Him. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And it ticks me off. God's been showing me this so much recently. I'm ticked off at myself. I'm ticked off at the Christians of America who claim to have the love of Christ in them, yet don't live out a single thing to prove it. I am so angry and I think it's good. I think it's okay to be angry about this, because if my Jesus were here, He would be going into the very churches who claim His name, and would turn tables. They would be the people who God would spit out of His mouth because He is so disgusted with them. They have strayed so far away from our precious Jesus and it's sickening. How could we let ourselves believe that a nice, expensive church building is not acceptable, that we need nicer, more expensive ones and let those people around the world literally die because of it? How did we let ourselves believe that was okay? It's not okay.

I'm not only frustrated with those in America, I'm frustrated with myself. I was one of those "Christians". I was one who claimed to have Jesus in me, yet didn't do a single thing to live it out. I most certainly don't claim to have everything right and I don't claim to have all the answers. But I can say that God is changing my heart. I am learning what it truly means to follow my Jesus and I'm loving it! It's not easy leaving everything you've known, but He is worth it. I know that He is better than anything this world has to offer me. My heart is indeed changing. And I pray that He will change yours as well. I pray that you will be just as angry, just as sickened as I am. I pray that you will see where we have all been wrong in following Him and I pray that you will change your ways. I pray that we will stop telling God no right to His face and start obeying what He commands. The price of nondiscipleship is way more costly than the price of discipleship!

Stop and think of everything you've ever known, everything you've ever believed in. Ask yourself if your Jesus is worth forsaking it all. I hope the answer is yes. I hope you can truly see how worth it He is. But if the answer is no, stop calling yourself a Christian. Stop saying you believe in the things you believe in. Go home and stop being a hypocrite. Jesus pushed away those who didn't really believe in Him. He pushed away those who didn't believe He would be worth it. He calls us to give Him everything. We must do all He asks of us. We must follow Him fearlessly.

I'm sitting here in wonder and awe just thinking about our incredible God. I am so overwhelmed by how amazing He is... and my small and insignificant mind can only comprehend such a small amount of how truly incredible He is. There are no words that we could think of that would ever do at justice in explaining or describing who He is.

In the van, driving back to Grandma's house from dinner tonight, I looked into the beautiful eyes of my younger sister Kimmie. We adopted her in 2005 and we have been so blessed to call her our sister ever since! She has cerebral palsy and has captured my heart. As I was gazing into her eyes, I remembered the fact that she was unwanted in Korea. Her mother couldn't (or didn't want to) keep her because of her special needs. the country of South Korea was 2 weeks away from declaring her as unadoptable and almost put her in a long-term institution. No one wanted her because of her special needs. Looking into her eyes, I whispered something to her tonight, "Kimmie, guess what?" "What?" she asked. I answered back, "You are so beautiful and I love you very much." She then looked me into my eyes and whispered, "I love you too," and gave me one of her beautiful miles. With tears filling my eyes, I said, "I am SO glad you are my sister!" I then kissed her little nose.

Unadoptable? This beautiful little girl sitting right in front of me was unwanted? Unloved? That breaks my heart! How could someone ever label her that way? She is my sister and I would give anything up for her.
Then I thought about myself and thought about my situation when I was a little girl. I was unwanted, unloved, forsaken. My biological parents didn't want me. But thankfully, I was saved. I was saved by the most incredible family anyone could ever ask for or imagine. But why would they choose me? What did I ever do to deserve their love? The answer is nothing.

The same thing goes for God. Why would He choose me? Why would He give me this amazing family? Why would He show me this kind of love? I don't understand, but I am thankful. I don't understand why He would give me the privilege of calling Kimmie (or any of my other siblings) my sister (or brother)? I don't understand, but like I said, I am very thankful.

God has blessed me every way imaginable. So how could I not serve Him? How could I not love others the way He loved me? How could I not give Him everything I am because, after all, He's the One who has given it all to me in the first place. I want to live my life, following Him radically every step of the way. I am willing to do anything or go through anything for Him because I know that He is worth it. He is my everything and I can't thank Him enough for who He is.

Letter

Dear Forgotten,

I’m really sorry I have not cared for you the way God calls us to care for you. I’m really sorry that I have let myself get too caught up in being comfortable that I never paid attention to you. I’m sorry that I have not truly cared about your need till now. I’m sorry that I wasn’t listening to God’s call, because He has clearly called me to come and help rescue you.

I’m sorry that we, people who call ourselves true Christians, have not helped you in your desperate need. I’m sorry that we haven’t lived up to all that God has called us to be. I’m sorry that you have lost all hope simply because we have failed to show it to you. God started to rise up a great country for Him that should’ve come to your rescue…and instead we’ve lost our ways. We thought going away from His plan would be best for us. But looking back, we were wrong. I’m sorry that we have failed to be the Children of God we thought we were.

God has put a lot on my heart lately. He’s shown me just a tiny piece of what He carries on His heart all day, every day. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be in your situation…to be helpless and hopeless. You’ve cried out to us, but we have chosen to close our ears to your cries for help. He has shown me that you really do need help.

But I wanted to let you know that I’m coming. I’m coming to show you the love Christ has for you. I’m coming to give you the food that your starving stomach screams for every day. I’m coming to bring you the care that we’ve so easily taken for granted in the place I have called home. I’m sorry that you have to suffer so greatly because we have chosen to neglect you. I’m sorry that you have been deprived of the love you should’ve been shown because we didn't really care to share it with you.

I love you so much and because I do, I’m coming to help! But even more importantly than that, God loves you way more than I ever could. He created you so beautifully, even though you may not see it. It hurts Him so much every time one of His children chooses to neglect you. It hurts Him to see you over there in your world, struggling to stay alive. It hurts Him every time you cry out because there’s nothing more for you to eat. He cries every time a child dies just because of the laziness of the people He once called His children.

But I’m coming. I’m coming to help show you the incredible love He has for you. I’m finally stepping up to be the child God has called me to be. I’m willing to give up my home, my family, and my friends for you because you’re worth it. You need me more than they do back at home. It has taken me a while to see it, but it’s true. I’ll be there to hold you when you cry out because you lost another to AIDS. I’ll be there to hold your hand until the pains in your stomach stops because you have been so starved. I’ll be there to help you understand that you are loved. I’ll be there to help introduce to you the most incredible God anyone could ever imagine. I’m coming.

But until I get to be with you, God will be there to hold your hand until your stomach stops screaming at you to feed it food that you don’t have. He’ll be there to hold you when you lose another to the sicknesses that could so easily be taken care of back in the States. He’ll be there to show you His love, even when you might not be able to see it. He’ll be there to show you your worth, even when you don’t feel like you could have any because from your point of view you were thrown away and discarded to that Hellhole people call Uganda. Until I come, He’ll hold you in His arms because you’re His child and He loves you more than you can imagine. You are not forgotten, you are His.

Sincerely,

His servant