I have to be completely honest here. This last week has been pretty hard for me... spiritually.
God's been really good to me here. Yes, it's hard not being able to talk to many people here. Yes, I miss all my friends and family back at home. Yes, it's hard not being there for when the time comes that your sister gives birth to her son. But God is SO faithful! "'I tell you the truth,' Jesus replied, 'no man who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age [homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and fields-and with them, persecutions] and in the age to come, eternal life.'" -Mark 10:29-30.
I've given up things at my old home, but God has blessed me so much here! I have a beautiful home, awesome neighborhood kids with which to play soccer, 2 English-speaking neighbors to help out, an incredible bi-lingual church, and most of all the fact that somehow our family has managed to get even closer through this transition (I didn't know it was possible!). God is SO good! He promises He will provide for everything we'll need when we go where He calls us...and He has. I am blessed to be able to see all that He's doing here! ...And I can't imagine what He's going to do here in the future!
But in spite of all these good things, I've still managed to get myself down and discouraged.
God has called me to Uganda, Africa after 2 or 3 years of being here. He's called me to go into the rural villages and medically treat, feed, clothe, and evangelize the people there. He's called me to show those people the love of Christ and help their physical needs in-so-doing. I am honored that He would choose me. I am glad He has chosen me to serve Him in such such a way. But it's been hard.
I've seen all the amazing things god has done for me in the past, so I know He'll provide in the future. But why would He choose me? I'm just a 17 year old girl who has no previous experience with any of these things. I'm nothing special. And it occurred to me. That's why He chose me. He chose me because I'm not special. I'm just an ordinary girl. He chose me because when He's working His miracles and doing amazing things, all the glory will go to Him.
He chose Mary, a young teenage girl to have Jesus. He chose Moses to lead His people out of Egypt. He chose Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego to prove to King Nebuchadnezzar that God was the only god to be worshiped. He chose Peter to get out of the boat and follow Him. None of these people were extraordinary...they were ordinary. But there is one difference. They had faith in their God.
What if Mary told God that she didn't want to have His Son? What if Moses told God "no," that he didn't want to lead His people out of Egypt. What if Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego bowed down to the king when he demanded it? What if Peter never got out of the boat? They had faith that their God was enough. They knew that they weren't enough to cut it. They knew they weren't enough to get the job done.
I've been afraid because I know I am not enough. I've been afraid because I don't want to have to learn a third language and fit into a new culture. I don't want to leave my family and this amazing courntry. But if I want to be His disciple, I must do it. I have to get over what I want and surrender to what He wants.
I was praying and reading His Word on our amazing rooftop this evening, and God whispered in my ear:
"I took you from the ends of the earth; from its farthest corners I have called you. I said, 'You are my servant'; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand...I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them, I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are things I will do; I will not forsake them." -Isaiah 41:9-10; 42:16.
No, I am not going to get the job done; I won't cut it.But my God is good enough to get the job done; He will cut it. He's big enough to hold my hand through it all! No, He doesn't promise an easy ride. He doesn't promise to give me a perfect life. But He promises that He is enough. He promises He will be there to lead me to places I have not yet known. He is good.
What If I say "no" to Him? What if I choose the easy life instead? What if I choose not to trust Him? I can't imagine what I would miss! No, I'm not saying I'll give birth to His kid, part the Red Sea, withstand the fiery furnace, or even walk on water. But I do know that He will do great things through me if I let Him. He loves to provide for His people in the most unlikely ways.
So tonight as I go to bed, I have hope. I know it's going to be hard, but I have hope. I know that my God is enough. I know He will give me everything I need. I know that He is good no matter what comes my way. I choose to say "yes," to His call. I choose to follow Him into the world because I want to see all that He is going to do. I love my Jesus and I'm willing to risk it all for Him.
