Stepping Stones

When I was a little girl, I had a huge imagination that usually got the best of me. I loved to spend my time in fields of grass, skipping around and collecting every dandelion my tiny hands could hold because dandelions were the most beautiful flower I had ever seen and I wanted to give them all to my beautiful mommy(Melissa) who I thought deserved them. I would lay down and look at the sky and see the pretty clouds above and make pictures out of them, and talk to myself about them and wish I could touch them. I loved to swing on the swing set and beg her to push me higher and higher because if I could just reach a little farther I could touch the sky! And I loved stepping stones. I used to leap from one to the next with my tiny little legs, following wherever the stones would lead me. I used to always pretend that I couldn't touch the grass or the ground around because I had to stay safe from the hot lava or the sharks that were going to eat me! And if I did step off, I would fight off the sharks and withstand the immense heat of the lava. And I always wanted to follow the steps after my biological mommy because she was who I wanted to be when I grew up, she was my everything. And sometimes when she held her hand out to catch me, I batted it away and told her I was a big girl and I could do it all by myself! But sometimes I took her hand because I loved her and trusted her to help pick me back up.
But when the stepping stones that followed after her suddenly stopped and were completely cut off and I felt that I was standing there all alone with no where to go, God held my hand and carried me to the next stepping stone that took me to my new mommy.

And as I followed my new mommy, she taught me that I didn't have to face the immense heat on my feet or fight off the sharks alone. She was there with me, holding my hand and we were taking the steps together. But even as I grew taller, somehow the leaps never got smaller, they just kept getting bigger. My legs were never a match for the spaces between each stone. But it was okay because my new mommy was there with me, teaching me how to take bigger steps and how to be like her. Sadly, I have to admit that I didn't stick as closely behind her like I should have. Looking back, I stepped off the stones way more than I needed to or should have and sometimes I still do. I wish I could say that I am as much like my mommy as I could possibly be, but I'm not. Beauty and wisdom like hers will take many years to acquire, so I know that I still have a long way to go until I will be like her, but that's okay. Because that's what this walk is about anyway, learning to become who our God created us to be.
And though I'm not perfect, she still teaches me and she still sticks with me when I start to slip off the edge. She teaches me how to get back on, and to plant my feet more firmly so I won't fall off so easily next time. And as she is teaching me all this, she is also teaching me that I don't only have her walking with me, leading me to who I should become someday. I have my Jesus guiding me too. You see, He was the One leading her all this time too!

Now that I'm not-so-much a little girl anymore and my legs are way longer than they used to be, the leaps I'm taking are even bigger yet. The jumps are getting farther and farther apart, but my Jesus always brings me through. He is what has brought me to this stepping stone that I'm standing on now. Though I didn't know who He was when I was little, He always held me when I batted Melissa's hands away and said I could do it all by myself, and even when I chose to embrace them. And He was there when Mommy was(is) leading me through too. He has been there every step of the way and I need Him to help me to take the steps I'm going to take in the future.
My mommy helped me so much along the way, but it is time to let go of her hand. As much as I wish I could still follow right behind my mommy, as much as I wish I could stay with her longer and have her keep holding my hand, it is time that I start walking with my Jesus all by myself. The time has come where I should kiss my mommy and thank her for leading me here to this place I'm at now, and take hold of my Jesus' hand and let Him carry me to this next big stone that I'm getting ready to jump to, which is 8,500 miles away.
Now that I'm older, I fear doing it all by myself. I don't want to leave my mommy, my daddy, or my family, but I know that because my Jesus has carried me all this time, He will carry me even through this. Because HE is bigger than any leap I will take or any obstacle that will be in my way. This is what He has called me to do, so I know He'll be everything I will need Him to be.

And I'm praying and hoping that God will give me the chance to hold Melissa's hand and teach her what it's like to walk along those stones with our Jesus even though I'm so far away. Because obviously her mommy didn't do a very good job at showing her and she deserves to have someone to show her the way too.

And hopefully someday I'll get to hold my little girl's hand as we leap across the stepping stones together and I teach her the very things my mommy and my Jesus taught me.

Uganda trip!

My heart is so full.

Today, we were finally able to buy our plane tickets(for my sister Carissa and me)  to go to Uganda in September! Set in stone. No more obstacles to get over, no more pain-in-the-butt airlines to deal with, no more long hours for my poor mommy to figure out if there's yet another way to get us there in September. We are GOING! And the only way that all of that worked is that our God is SO faithful and He ALWAYS comes through when He promises He will. He is good. ALL the time. I give Him and Him alone all the glory for that because there is no other way it could've worked out!

We were able to buy our tickets for just over $300 a piece because my parents each had been collecting frequent flyer miles ever since November of 2005, when they went to Korea to adopt my sweet little sister Kimberly. Seven years ago they started collecting those miles, having no idea what God had in mind for them.

A few years ago, Carissa and I felt the call to go to Uganda, Africa. We felt it at different times. She felt it a little while before I did, but we were both definitely called. But God has not and has not called us to do the same ministry while we're there. She has a passion to open up a special needs group home for kids and to serve as a physical therapist. That is exactly the reason my family has moved to Guatemala(to open up a special needs group home for kids) and you can just tell by the way she works with and loves on those kids that that is what she is called to do!

I, on the other hand, do not have a specific ministry in mind. I don't know exactly what work I am supposed to do when I get there, but I do know that have a passion for my Jesus who died for me and who has shown me an incredible love that I could never, ever deserve. He gave me hope in my life back when I thought there was none.

As you likely know, my biological sister Ashley and I were put into foster care when I was 7 and then we were adopted when I was 10. To make a very, very long story short, I was a little girl with no hope. I was taken away from my mommy and daddy, who (even though they were very far from being perfect) were my world. They were ripped out of my life, and I was expected to live on, I was expected to make it in life without them. I thought that was going to be impossible.
But God is indescribably wonderful and faithful and He sent my biological sister and me a hope we could have never imagined. He sent us the most beautiful physical gift I have ever recieved. And that gift was my family that I now have. They are the most incredible family anyone could ever ask for.
Not only did they step up and be the family I so desperately needed, they taught me a love I had never known before. And that was(and still is) the incredible love of my Jesus. They not only taught us about this incredible love with words, they showed it to us by the way they lived. And they showed us what it's like to love our Jesus back, and what it's like to serve Him, and to follow radically after Him.
God placed those people in my life at the exact moment I needed them. I was given a hope and a new perspective on life . They were the hands and the feet of my Jesus since He was not here on this earth to take care of me Himself.

My passion is to do the very same thing.
Whether I work in a feeding program, open a clinic, open an orphanage, or do street evangelism, I want to love. I want to teach them the love that our Jesus has for them, I want to bring hope they never could've imagined. Not only do I want to teach it to them, I want to live it out! I want to love them and I want to bring hope in their seemingly hopeless situations. I want to be the hands and feet of my Jesus. I want to pour myself out to others so that they may learn how to love Him back, to serve, and to live radically for Him. And then maybe they can share that very love with others around them.

I understand that I can't do this on my own. I know that I am weak and small and that when I'm all by myself, I can't make a difference. But I know that with an incredibly HUGE God living inside of me, I can do anthing. As long as I'm trusting Him with all I am, following Him wherever He leads, serving others as much as I can, and loving others as He loves me, He will change Uganda in a radical way.

I must admit that while I was waiting for God to provide these tickets. I had moments where I lost patience, I got upset and discouraged, and I had times where I wasn't trusting. And there are definitely times where I start to get scared thinking about what the future might hold because this is such a huge, new step in life for me to take. But all in all, I'm learning to trust God, even when it seems impossible or when it seems like every possible door has been closed in my face. When God calls, He provides. Anytime I start to doubt or fear, He reminds me that He is still good and He still has a plan way bigger and better than I have planned. He reminds me that if I just close my eyes and let Him sweep me away in His never-ending grace and undying love, He will make it all worth it.

So I ask all of you to pray with me as we prepare for, take the trip, and return from the trip. Prayers are definitely needed that I will know exactly what God wants me to do with this call He has for me, and that I will have the courage to follow it, no matter what it may be. And that we will get the rest of our support!
I am SO excited about this trip, and I will make sure that I keep you all posted during the whole process!
God bless!