Goodbye is one of the hardest words to say. Almost anytime someone says it, at least a little bit of sorrow comes with it, am I right? But why? Why does it feel like someone's piercing you way deep inside? Why does it hurt so much?
Most of the time I think, is that we're afraid of forgetting. You don't want to lose all the precious memories you have had with that someone or something. You know you'll never be able to get them back, so you hold tightly to those memories, hoping the day would never come that you would forget.
It seems like I've had to say this word quite a lot in recent weeks...saying goodbye to all my friends here, and to all the junk I've kept with me all these years, hoping I'll never forget. I could not and and can not do it alone. I've had a couple times where I've just broken down and had to surrendered it all to God. It seems like every time I say it, the pain somehow makes its way a little deeper in my heart more than it previously had. But somehow (with God's help) it doesn't hurt nearly as bad as I imagined it would. I've already had to say goodbye to some of my best friends, but God is so faithful and has helped me get through it every time.
Tonight after saying one of the hardest goodbyes I'll have to say, I opened my Bible and began to read. He helped me realize that yes, it hurts now, but He can use me way more there than He could use me here in America...where I've gotten way too comfortable. He showed me that I've already been able to share God's love and my love to many people here and it's time to spread it to a new place, with new people, and a new need. I'm called to ultimately share love with them in helping them in their desperate physical need. They've lost all hope because we, as the body of Christ, have failed to share hope with them. We as a whole have gotten comfortable in our own little worlds that we don't let God open our eyes to need that might cause us to get up, out of our comfort zones. We have failed to be His hands and feet. It's about time we take our hands away from our eyes and our ears and comprehend the need that's increasing around us. It's time we rise and do what God has called ALL of us as Christians to do. We need to surrendered all we are and all we have to Him.
So yes, we're saying goodbye here, but let me tell you, we're getting ready to say a whole lot more hello's where we are headed. God calls us to give EVERYTHING and follow Him. It'll be worth it.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Fearless
Days are flying by way faster than I ever could've imagined they would. It's scary to think of how close January 25th is...the day we trade in all the things we've gotten ourselves physically attached to (all but 2 suitcases worth...) to move to a place God has called us to go. Yes, it's scary, but that's not the only emotion involved here...
I'm excited to see what God is going to do through the new adventure our ministry takes us to. Just 2 years ago it would've been a crazy thought to move to Guatemala! Who knew!? Well, I guess He did... But yes, God's going to do such amazing things down there! Our faith has grown so much through this journey! (only because He is faithful and has given us the faith we have..so I'm not taking any credit for it-it was all Him! :) )
I'm sad about leaving everyone here. I have a GREAT family and the most amazing friends anyone could ever ask for. It's hard letting go when you have no idea when the next time you'll see them is going to be...knowing full well that it might be until we meet again in Heaven..
I'm frustrated. Why aren't there more people who do what God asks? Why aren't there more people who do whatever is required to be a true disciple? I don't claim to have all the answers and certainly do not claim to be perfect. I've got a lot to work on... But I can say that I am moving to Guatemala. God calls us to give everything we are and have to Him. He calls us to be His true disciples. We need to give Him our EVERYTHING; our spirit, our stuff, who we are, and our entire body. Are we really doing everything He's calling us to do?
I'm hopeful. I've never been to Guatemala. I've never talked to the people. I've never seen the TRUE need first-person. Yes, I've seen pictures and I've heard stories, but I've never seen with my own eyes and I've never heard from my own ears. I've never helped with my own hands. But even though I have no experience there, I have hope that God will do all He has promised. I have hope that He'll help me along the way because there's no way I can do this on my own.
I have peace. I have more peace than any of these other emotions combined. I know that my God will take care of me. I know that my God will provide for everything I'll need. I know that He'll go with me as I go and help these people that are in desperate need; people that have lost all hope. He's called me to this ministry; He's called me to go. I will follow His perfect plan and follow His instructive words, no matter what this world throws at me. I'm ready to suffer for Him. I'm tired of calling myself a Christian, but not really doing much to live it out. I'm ready to help, to get my hands dirty, to love, and to show hope to His people; His precious people. People who the world has forgotten and forsaken. God has not forgotten or forsaken His people. He's waiting for people to rise up and help those who He loves. He wants us to live our lives, being fearless.
I'm excited to see what God is going to do through the new adventure our ministry takes us to. Just 2 years ago it would've been a crazy thought to move to Guatemala! Who knew!? Well, I guess He did... But yes, God's going to do such amazing things down there! Our faith has grown so much through this journey! (only because He is faithful and has given us the faith we have..so I'm not taking any credit for it-it was all Him! :) )
I'm sad about leaving everyone here. I have a GREAT family and the most amazing friends anyone could ever ask for. It's hard letting go when you have no idea when the next time you'll see them is going to be...knowing full well that it might be until we meet again in Heaven..
I'm frustrated. Why aren't there more people who do what God asks? Why aren't there more people who do whatever is required to be a true disciple? I don't claim to have all the answers and certainly do not claim to be perfect. I've got a lot to work on... But I can say that I am moving to Guatemala. God calls us to give everything we are and have to Him. He calls us to be His true disciples. We need to give Him our EVERYTHING; our spirit, our stuff, who we are, and our entire body. Are we really doing everything He's calling us to do?
I'm hopeful. I've never been to Guatemala. I've never talked to the people. I've never seen the TRUE need first-person. Yes, I've seen pictures and I've heard stories, but I've never seen with my own eyes and I've never heard from my own ears. I've never helped with my own hands. But even though I have no experience there, I have hope that God will do all He has promised. I have hope that He'll help me along the way because there's no way I can do this on my own.
I have peace. I have more peace than any of these other emotions combined. I know that my God will take care of me. I know that my God will provide for everything I'll need. I know that He'll go with me as I go and help these people that are in desperate need; people that have lost all hope. He's called me to this ministry; He's called me to go. I will follow His perfect plan and follow His instructive words, no matter what this world throws at me. I'm ready to suffer for Him. I'm tired of calling myself a Christian, but not really doing much to live it out. I'm ready to help, to get my hands dirty, to love, and to show hope to His people; His precious people. People who the world has forgotten and forsaken. God has not forgotten or forsaken His people. He's waiting for people to rise up and help those who He loves. He wants us to live our lives, being fearless.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Daddy's arms
When you're little, there's no where on earth that is better than Daddy's arms. You don't really know why, but you just feel so safe, that if anything bad happens around you, it doesn't even matter because you're in your daddy's arms.
You get a little older, old enough to make decisions of your own. You're learning your own opinion in life. You feel God telling you that you can go ahead and date this guy. You talk to your dad about it, and he tells you some things to look out for. You hear what he says, and pursue the relationship...but you don't pursue it in the way that you should. You don't handle things the right way, so it becomes not so okay anymore.
It's not like he's a bad guy and you really do bad things...he seems to be following the Lord...and you're following the Lord. But it's that when you were growing up you always dreamed of dating, and you knew exactly how it was going to go when you got to start. But you don't do what's necessary to bring him into the family, to talk about him openly, or even talk to you friends about him that much. You've handled it the wrong way and you know it.
You feel God telling you to let go of the relationship because you clearly aren't ready to handle a relationship. You still hold onto it for a little longer because of a few things: 1. He's pretty stinkin' cute! 2. He seems to be following God, and if he is, then he should have these doubts too. (Even though you know God speaks to some people earlier than He does others..) 3. You really don't mind the feeling when someone likes you enough to come to your workplace and tell you his feelings for you, not knowing what your reply would be. Finally you work up the courage to break it off because you're 100% sure that this is what God is telling you to do.
During all of this, you feel Daddy's arms getting farther and farther away. Not because of him, but because of you. You know he's right, but you can't get yourself to let go. So instead of running to him and saying you're sorry, you just don't really talk about it.
But when you finally do break it off with your boyfriend, you want to run into his arms again, but things are different. You made them different.
Then something bad happens, and it's forcing you to be stronger. You have to figure out what to do, but you just feel so alone. You try and try to do it yourself, but you find yourself running back to Daddy's arms. Suddenly, you're that little girl again. Yes, the world around you feels like it's falling apart, but you're in his arms and everything feels okay.
The same thing is true about our amazing God. When you first find your faith, you feel Daddy's arms around you. Yes, you might feel like everything's falling apart, but it's okay because you're in His arms.
Then you mature and get a little older. You feel like you're old enough, it's time you make decisions of your own. You find a new thing to spend your time on. He voices His concerns, but you're big enough to handle it. You thought it was okay in the beginning, but it's no longer okay because of the way you handle it.
You struggle and finally free yourself from it, but things have changed and you feel like you can't run to Him like you used to be able to.
Something bad happens and it forces you to be a stronger person. It stretches you in ways you never thought you would be stretched. You try to handle it with His help and suddenly, you find yourself running back to His arms like that little girl. Yes everything around you is falling apart, but you're in His arms...
You get a little older, old enough to make decisions of your own. You're learning your own opinion in life. You feel God telling you that you can go ahead and date this guy. You talk to your dad about it, and he tells you some things to look out for. You hear what he says, and pursue the relationship...but you don't pursue it in the way that you should. You don't handle things the right way, so it becomes not so okay anymore.
It's not like he's a bad guy and you really do bad things...he seems to be following the Lord...and you're following the Lord. But it's that when you were growing up you always dreamed of dating, and you knew exactly how it was going to go when you got to start. But you don't do what's necessary to bring him into the family, to talk about him openly, or even talk to you friends about him that much. You've handled it the wrong way and you know it.
You feel God telling you to let go of the relationship because you clearly aren't ready to handle a relationship. You still hold onto it for a little longer because of a few things: 1. He's pretty stinkin' cute! 2. He seems to be following God, and if he is, then he should have these doubts too. (Even though you know God speaks to some people earlier than He does others..) 3. You really don't mind the feeling when someone likes you enough to come to your workplace and tell you his feelings for you, not knowing what your reply would be. Finally you work up the courage to break it off because you're 100% sure that this is what God is telling you to do.
During all of this, you feel Daddy's arms getting farther and farther away. Not because of him, but because of you. You know he's right, but you can't get yourself to let go. So instead of running to him and saying you're sorry, you just don't really talk about it.
But when you finally do break it off with your boyfriend, you want to run into his arms again, but things are different. You made them different.
Then something bad happens, and it's forcing you to be stronger. You have to figure out what to do, but you just feel so alone. You try and try to do it yourself, but you find yourself running back to Daddy's arms. Suddenly, you're that little girl again. Yes, the world around you feels like it's falling apart, but you're in his arms and everything feels okay.
The same thing is true about our amazing God. When you first find your faith, you feel Daddy's arms around you. Yes, you might feel like everything's falling apart, but it's okay because you're in His arms.
Then you mature and get a little older. You feel like you're old enough, it's time you make decisions of your own. You find a new thing to spend your time on. He voices His concerns, but you're big enough to handle it. You thought it was okay in the beginning, but it's no longer okay because of the way you handle it.
You struggle and finally free yourself from it, but things have changed and you feel like you can't run to Him like you used to be able to.
Something bad happens and it forces you to be a stronger person. It stretches you in ways you never thought you would be stretched. You try to handle it with His help and suddenly, you find yourself running back to His arms like that little girl. Yes everything around you is falling apart, but you're in His arms...
Saturday, November 27, 2010
After all of these years of being adopted, I don't think I ever stopped and realized how incredibly blessed I am to have such an amazing family! I mean, of course I've been thankful and have appreciated them, but never to the degree I should have. They are the most amazing people I've ever met and I am truly blessed and honored to call them my family!
When we first made the decision to move to Guatemala, I was scared and excited. As time went on, I got more scared and more upset to leave everyone here. I thought the feeling would get better as time went on. Well, I was wrong..it in fact got worse. I kept thinking about all the bad things about the situation; I wasn't being optimistic. I knew God had it in His plan and everything was going to work out according to that plan but I was still scared (Even though that alone should've been enough for me..).
About a month ago, I totally surrendered everything I am and have to Him (which is what I should have done a long time ago..). I promised to take up the challenge from In His Steps.. to (for a full year) ask the question "What would Jesus do?" before I make any decision. It's where the whole WWJD thing came from. Yes, it's hard sometimes doing what you know is right, but it is SO worth it! It helps you to understand what it truly means to be a disciple of Christ. It challenges you to actually live out what you say you believe.
But because of that, God's done a lot on my heart. He's shown me that it's okay to do what He calls me to do because He really does have it under control. Yes, I do have days that it's harder than others, but for the most part, I'm SO excited to move! He's helped me to realize that I still get to be with the coolest people ever when I move. Yes, I'm leaving almost all of my closest friends here, but I get to take my best friends with me! :)
Along with all of that, He has shown me all that I've been blessed with. The sad thing is that most of us take for granted lots of the things that He's done for us. We get too carried away with what we don't have (or in my case what I'm leaving behind). We should, instead, think about what we do have. We should learn to count our blessings instead of what we wish we had. It does your heart good to realize all God has done for you. It helps you to appreciate what you do have when you're suffering. God says that we are going to suffer if we choose to live life like Christ...we're all going to suffer at one time or another. Are you going to be extra thankful for everything you have now and praise Him even more for everything you have? Are you going to be ready when you do suffer because you can know that He is still good and will never fail you?
I know that I make mistakes...I make LOTS of them. So it's not that I think I'm perfect and that I'm instructing you all to follow in my steps. That's certainly not what I'm saying. You should follow in His steps.. I'm being challenged myself, so I'm also challenging others. Not none of us is perfect..we're all going to make mistakes. But we should try our best in spite of those mistakes. God is AMAZING and deserves way more than what we have to offer Him. We should strive to do our very best in everything so we can please Him!
Monday, November 8, 2010
True Discipleship
[Before you read this, you should know that the words I say may upset you. I believe God has put this on my heart to share. If you get offended, remember that no one forced you to read it, it was your choice.]
I'm angry. I'm angry with myself and I'm angry with every Christian out there who hasn't fully lived up the the name they've taken. I'm angry that I've wasted part of my life and put a damper on the great name of Christ. I'm angry that I would get so comfortable in my own little world that I would lose sight of the amazing purpose God has for me. I'm angry that I've let all those opportunities God gave to me to share with these love-starved people go to waste. I'm angry that I haven't given myself to Him, that I haven't truly suffered over my Christianity. I haven't truly had to suffer for my Jesus.
But why? Why don't we suffer? Why aren't we willing? Why? Selfishness. Materialism. Fake Christianity. First century Christians who truly suffered and who were martyred for their outspoken faith would roll over in their graves to see what the church of America has done to the name of Christianity as a whole; what we've done to the name of Christ.
They were thrown into prison. They were beaten. They were stoned. They were persecuted. They suffered. The knew what it meant to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. They lived up to their name. They were happy when they had to suffer because it meant that God would bless them when they got to Heaven. Because they were following in His steps. We are to do as Jesus would do. He suffered. He was beaten, spit on, rejected, and killed on the cross. And during all of this, He prayed for those who were doing it to Him. Are you living out your faith so much as to suffer for it?
What have you had to suffer through for your Jesus? What pains have come through doing what is necessary to follow your Jesus? What are you doing about your faith? Are you truly living up to what it means to be a disciple? Or are you just helping to smear the name? I've had to ask myself these questions and I'm disappointed to know the answers. I haven't truly suffered. I haven't truly lived up to it. I haven't truly learned what it means to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. Till now.
I think everyone by now has long known of our moving to Guatemala. For those of you who don't yet know, we plan to leave Ohio on January 12th. Yeah, that's 2 months away.
I'm not trying to brag, or to make people think good of us, but I am saying that we're doing something. We're giving up most of what we have, leaving everyone we've ever known, leaving everything we've ever known to move to a place I've never even set foot in. I'm finally learning what it means to suffer for Him. It feels good. Yeah, it's hard. Yeah, it's scary, but SO worth it! I'm finally learning what it means to be a servant of God.
So I challenge you. I challenge you to give up something, do something, say something that's gonna make you suffer. (for Christ, obviously) I dare you. Live up to what it truly means to be a disciple. Learn what it truly means to follow In His Steps.
In His Steps is a book that totally shook me up. I'd definitely recommend it. It's written by Charles M. Sheldon. In it he challenges every Christian to take up a pledge. For one whole year, ask the question, "What would Jesus do?" before any decision is made. It'll challenge you as a business owner, a parent, an employee, a friend, sibling, child, or unemployed worker. It'll challenge you, not matter what your title may be, to truly be honest. To truly re-think all your previous ways of living.
Are you a true disciple of Jesus Christ? Are you willing to follow His call, not matter what the suffering may be? If not, then stop calling yourself a Christian. Live up to what you say you believe, or don't say it at all.
"There is a great quantity of nominal Christianity today. There is need of more of the real kind. We need revival of the Christianity of Christ. We have, unconsciously, lazily, selfishly, formally grown into a discipleship that Jesus Himself would not acknowledge. He would say to many of us when we cry, 'Lord, Lord,' '...I never knew you!' Are we ready to take up the cross? Is it possible for this church to sing with exact truth,
'Jesus, I my cross have taken,
All to leave and follow Thee'?
"If we can sing that truly, then we may claim discipleship. But if our definition of being a Christian is no expense to our...selves, have a good, easy time surrounded by pleasant friends and by comfortable things, live respectably and at the same time avoid the world's great stress of sin and trouble because it is too much pain to bear it-if this is our definition of Christianity, surely we are a long way from following the steps of Him who trod the way with groans and tears and sobs of anguish for a lost humanity; Who seat, as it were, great drops of blood; Who cried out on the upreared cross, 'My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?'
Are we ready to make and live a new discipleship? Are we ready to reconsider our definition of a Christian? What is it to be a Christian? It is to do as He would do. It is to walk in His steps." -Charles M. Sheldon from In His Steps.
I'm angry. I'm angry with myself and I'm angry with every Christian out there who hasn't fully lived up the the name they've taken. I'm angry that I've wasted part of my life and put a damper on the great name of Christ. I'm angry that I would get so comfortable in my own little world that I would lose sight of the amazing purpose God has for me. I'm angry that I've let all those opportunities God gave to me to share with these love-starved people go to waste. I'm angry that I haven't given myself to Him, that I haven't truly suffered over my Christianity. I haven't truly had to suffer for my Jesus.
But why? Why don't we suffer? Why aren't we willing? Why? Selfishness. Materialism. Fake Christianity. First century Christians who truly suffered and who were martyred for their outspoken faith would roll over in their graves to see what the church of America has done to the name of Christianity as a whole; what we've done to the name of Christ.
They were thrown into prison. They were beaten. They were stoned. They were persecuted. They suffered. The knew what it meant to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. They lived up to their name. They were happy when they had to suffer because it meant that God would bless them when they got to Heaven. Because they were following in His steps. We are to do as Jesus would do. He suffered. He was beaten, spit on, rejected, and killed on the cross. And during all of this, He prayed for those who were doing it to Him. Are you living out your faith so much as to suffer for it?
What have you had to suffer through for your Jesus? What pains have come through doing what is necessary to follow your Jesus? What are you doing about your faith? Are you truly living up to what it means to be a disciple? Or are you just helping to smear the name? I've had to ask myself these questions and I'm disappointed to know the answers. I haven't truly suffered. I haven't truly lived up to it. I haven't truly learned what it means to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. Till now.
I think everyone by now has long known of our moving to Guatemala. For those of you who don't yet know, we plan to leave Ohio on January 12th. Yeah, that's 2 months away.
I'm not trying to brag, or to make people think good of us, but I am saying that we're doing something. We're giving up most of what we have, leaving everyone we've ever known, leaving everything we've ever known to move to a place I've never even set foot in. I'm finally learning what it means to suffer for Him. It feels good. Yeah, it's hard. Yeah, it's scary, but SO worth it! I'm finally learning what it means to be a servant of God.
So I challenge you. I challenge you to give up something, do something, say something that's gonna make you suffer. (for Christ, obviously) I dare you. Live up to what it truly means to be a disciple. Learn what it truly means to follow In His Steps.
In His Steps is a book that totally shook me up. I'd definitely recommend it. It's written by Charles M. Sheldon. In it he challenges every Christian to take up a pledge. For one whole year, ask the question, "What would Jesus do?" before any decision is made. It'll challenge you as a business owner, a parent, an employee, a friend, sibling, child, or unemployed worker. It'll challenge you, not matter what your title may be, to truly be honest. To truly re-think all your previous ways of living.
Are you a true disciple of Jesus Christ? Are you willing to follow His call, not matter what the suffering may be? If not, then stop calling yourself a Christian. Live up to what you say you believe, or don't say it at all.
"There is a great quantity of nominal Christianity today. There is need of more of the real kind. We need revival of the Christianity of Christ. We have, unconsciously, lazily, selfishly, formally grown into a discipleship that Jesus Himself would not acknowledge. He would say to many of us when we cry, 'Lord, Lord,' '...I never knew you!' Are we ready to take up the cross? Is it possible for this church to sing with exact truth,
'Jesus, I my cross have taken,
All to leave and follow Thee'?
"If we can sing that truly, then we may claim discipleship. But if our definition of being a Christian is no expense to our...selves, have a good, easy time surrounded by pleasant friends and by comfortable things, live respectably and at the same time avoid the world's great stress of sin and trouble because it is too much pain to bear it-if this is our definition of Christianity, surely we are a long way from following the steps of Him who trod the way with groans and tears and sobs of anguish for a lost humanity; Who seat, as it were, great drops of blood; Who cried out on the upreared cross, 'My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?'
Are we ready to make and live a new discipleship? Are we ready to reconsider our definition of a Christian? What is it to be a Christian? It is to do as He would do. It is to walk in His steps." -Charles M. Sheldon from In His Steps.
Monday, November 1, 2010
To all of you who actually read this, I wanted to let you know that I'm an idiot. I failed to do what God asked me to do when He asked me to do it. I was recently in a relationship that God was telling me I needed to end. Don't get me wrong, nothing bad happened or anything, I promise. It's just that I wasn't spiritually ready for a real relationship. I felt like God was calling me to give Him my WHOLE heart in order to find out what His will is for my life. I needed to let go of it because it was keeping me from giving Him my whole heart. But I selfishly held on. I didn't want to give it up quite honestly because I liked the feeling of being wanted. I loved it how at the end of every time I saw him, he would ask me when I would next be available. And the fact that he's a pretty amazing guy! :)
But why do we, as humans, do that? How can we be so unwillingly to do what God asks us to do? How can we say 'no' even when He assures you that everything's going to turn out the way He planned, that it's going to be worth it? It all comes down to faith (or the lack thereof..).
We get so caught up on what our physical minds want as opposed to what our spiritual minds want. We get too comfortable in our worldly places that we don't want to move when God asks us. We're too afraid to give up those comforts we so long for that we miss out on what seems to be the scary thing He's calling us to do. We are faithless, so we continue on with our comfortable American lives. (don't get me wrong, I love my country, but the church has gotten so lazy and comfortable to do what is necessary to change the world around us... And if you've met my dad, you'll totally know where I get this from) But God did not call us to be comfortable while making little effort to change this dying world. He called us to follow Him, even to the parts that we won't be so comfortable in. That no matter what happens in this life, to get back up and have perseverance because in the end, it will be worth it.
Paul in Acts 14:19-20:
"Then some Jews came from Antioch and Iconium and won the crowd over. They stoned Paul and dragged him outside the city, thinking he was dead. But after the disciples had gathered around him, he got up and went back into the city..."
They STONED him and he got right back up and went right back into that town! THAT, my friend, is true discipleship, true faith. I'm not sure we would be so willing to stand up for what we believe in so much to have a city stone us, and then come right back to those same people. We have gotten way too comfortable as a whole to do what God has truly called us to do.
We need to pick up our cross and follow the One who sacrificed His own life for us. Do you think Jesus was comfortable up there, on that cross, praying for the very people who up him up there in the first place? I don't think so. We need to leave everything we have to follow Him. That is what true discipleship is, what true faith is. We need to get past what we physically want and think about what is going to come to us in the future when we're standing in front of the living God. He says that we will be blessed many times over when we get to Heaven. So do you want Him to tell you, "Well done, good and faithful servant?" If so, what is He calling you to do? What is it that you might be holding back?
I have offended you by what I have said, then good. It's time for the church of America to rise up and actually live out the faith we all claim to have. We need to live our lives for the One who gave His for us.
But why do we, as humans, do that? How can we be so unwillingly to do what God asks us to do? How can we say 'no' even when He assures you that everything's going to turn out the way He planned, that it's going to be worth it? It all comes down to faith (or the lack thereof..).
We get so caught up on what our physical minds want as opposed to what our spiritual minds want. We get too comfortable in our worldly places that we don't want to move when God asks us. We're too afraid to give up those comforts we so long for that we miss out on what seems to be the scary thing He's calling us to do. We are faithless, so we continue on with our comfortable American lives. (don't get me wrong, I love my country, but the church has gotten so lazy and comfortable to do what is necessary to change the world around us... And if you've met my dad, you'll totally know where I get this from) But God did not call us to be comfortable while making little effort to change this dying world. He called us to follow Him, even to the parts that we won't be so comfortable in. That no matter what happens in this life, to get back up and have perseverance because in the end, it will be worth it.
Paul in Acts 14:19-20:
"Then some Jews came from Antioch and Iconium and won the crowd over. They stoned Paul and dragged him outside the city, thinking he was dead. But after the disciples had gathered around him, he got up and went back into the city..."
They STONED him and he got right back up and went right back into that town! THAT, my friend, is true discipleship, true faith. I'm not sure we would be so willing to stand up for what we believe in so much to have a city stone us, and then come right back to those same people. We have gotten way too comfortable as a whole to do what God has truly called us to do.
We need to pick up our cross and follow the One who sacrificed His own life for us. Do you think Jesus was comfortable up there, on that cross, praying for the very people who up him up there in the first place? I don't think so. We need to leave everything we have to follow Him. That is what true discipleship is, what true faith is. We need to get past what we physically want and think about what is going to come to us in the future when we're standing in front of the living God. He says that we will be blessed many times over when we get to Heaven. So do you want Him to tell you, "Well done, good and faithful servant?" If so, what is He calling you to do? What is it that you might be holding back?
I have offended you by what I have said, then good. It's time for the church of America to rise up and actually live out the faith we all claim to have. We need to live our lives for the One who gave His for us.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Have you ever had a person that was a big part of your life, and then all of the sudden they’re not in it at all? Not only does it hurt that you never see them, but it hurts more that it didn’t have to be this way, that it all could be prevented by their choice? They chose not to do anything to stop it, like it’s what they wanted? Well, I definitely know how that feels.
Melissa was (and still is) my biological mother. Every night, she would help me brush my teeth, help tuck me in bed at night, help cut up my spaghetti noodles so I wouldn’t make a mess, help do my hair every morning, help me take my baths. She was my life, my best friend. As I was growing older, I realized things in my parents’ lives that rather upset me. I realized that they fought a lot, though most of it happened while I was sleeping, or trying to rather. It wasn’t just verbal fighting, it was physical. Every night I would wake up to their fighting and come running out to try to help save the day, the little 5 year old I was. One night, I woke up and came out to see my biological father, Mike, pick up a full Pepsi can, and throw it at my mommy. Let me tell you, that didn’t make me very happy. She was my best friend after all, and it didn’t thrill me to see her get hurt. Of course, Mike stormed out of the house as he always did, threatening to leave forever (but he always came back).
One thing I do respect about Melissa was that every time he would leave, she would always blame it on herself. She would always say it was all her fault. I never believed it; I knew it was usually him. I never understood why she always took the blame and I can’t say I understand it now…
There are so many times I wish I could have back. Times like riding my first two wheeler, playing dress up with Mommy and always making her look beautiful, or bed time stories. The list goes on and on. I miss those intimate times together, when she truly loved me, or so I thought.
One day, getting ready to head out of the school, going home, the nurse called me into her office. I follow obediently, and she tells me I wasn’t going home with my Mommy and Daddy. I start to get really upset and scared, of course. I wait for Bubby and Sissy to come in, to tell me it wasn’t true, that we were in fact going home. They never did. I remember looking into both of their eyes and seeing fear, they tried to hide it but I could see it. They were trying to be strong for me.
Next thing I know, I’m being moved into a house that is strangely foreign to me, with people that were unfamiliar to my eyes, people that I had never met before. They tell me we’re going to stay here for a bit, that this was going to be our new home for a while. “Why?” was my question, just why? Nobody would tell me. Why couldn’t I be with Mommy and Daddy? Why do I have to live in the strange place, with these strange people?
Soon after, we were able to have visitations with them, my biological parents that is. They blamed it all on the family I was staying at. I wasn’t supposed to like it there because they were bad people, people who said they loved me but really didn’t. Later was I to find out, they had it backwards. Of course, being the little obedient 7 year old I was, I tried my hardest not to like them. But being the amazing family they were, it wasn’t coming very easily. They were some of the best people I had ever met, how was I supposed to not like them? But I still persisted and tried my best.
As time went on, I started to realize what was going on, why I had to be in this strange place and why I wasn’t allowed to be with my biological parents. It was their entire fault, my biological parents that is. They were the ones who were in the wrong. They were the ones who were bad people that said they loved me but didn’t really mean it.
Next thing I knew, I wasn’t allowed to see them, not until I turned 18. Eight years away seemed like a life time to me. Soon after, was adopted by the strange, but wonderful family called the Fulps. Wanda Fulp and Daryl Fulp, they were my heroes. They were the two people that forever changed my life. They picked me up from where I was, helped brushed me off, helped cleaned out as much of the deep wounds that was humanly possibly, and God did the rest. Not only that, but they also introduced me to the best person ever, and His name is Jesus Christ. He helped bandage me up, and showed me what TRUE love is. I had only known the fake love of my biological parents, the love they so easily traded away for the lusts of this world. He showed me a love that could never be traded, that would go on forever, a love that was never ending.
I’m now 17, and I’ve gotten to that point where I’m realizing all that God carried me through. Even though I didn’t have a relationship with Him yet, He still picked me up and carried me through the hard times. He was there to hold me when my parents weren’t. He was there to be my friend when I felt all alone. When I was going through the biggest transitions of my life, the times I felt like God was just being mean to me because He could, it was all for the best. It’s like when you’re doing a maze, you can’t just look at the place you are and find your way to the finish line. You have to be able to see the big picture, to see the right way to go in spite of all the wrong ones. Since we’re only humans and we can’t see the big picture, we need to trust God to guide us through the maze of our lives. He knows the way to go, and even when we feel like He’s leading us the wrong way, we have to have the faith and the endurance it takes to finish. As soon as we stop trusting Him, we go down the wrong path and hit the wall. But as soon as we trust Him to lead us again, he leads us back to the right path and will continue to lead us until we go astray again. Then He’ll have to lead us back again.
The most amazing thing about grace is that no matter how many times we mess up, He is always willing to forgive us. No matter how many times we choose to go down the wrong path, He’s always right there; ready to lead us back again. We just have trust Him that He knows what He’s doing and has everything under control. I think that’s what I tend to struggle with the most; trusting that He knows why He’s calling us. Even though it might be scary, He will never call you somewhere without the means and the ability to do it. If He’s calling you to go to a foreign country and you’re afraid of what you might need while you’re there, He will ALWAYS provide it for you!
God has guided me through everything in my life, and still I struggle to trust Him with the next big thing in my life, just like the Israelites. No matter all the amazing and incredible things God helped them through, they often lost faith and didn’t trust that He would provide everything they needed. So many times we condone them and make fun of them because of their little faith, but do we ever look at our own situations and realize it’s exactly the same thing? Maybe God hasn’t parted the Red Sea right in front of you, but I guarantee He’s done big miracles for you that you don’t even realize. And now you can’t even trust Him with the next step in your own life. Stop trying to pluck out the splinter in other people’s eyes and focus on the log that’s in yours! (I’m referring to myself when saying all this.) God asks us to have faith in Him and to be fearless. Do we really?
Having faith won’t always be easy. It’s really hard stuff. Like that Taylor Swift quote: "Being fearless isn't being 100% unafraid, it's being terrified but you jump anyway..." God will take care of us! He knows exactly where He’s leading you. He has a reason for bringing you through all that He has; you just can’t see it yet. So in the mean time, while you’re figuring it out, think about all the things you’ve been through. See how God’s hand has been with you! I never would’ve imagined that God would take me out of my home and put me in a new one. If He hadn’t, I would’ve missed out on moving to Guatemala with my family. I would’ve missed the call that God has on my life. Now because of Him, I’m going to be able to go out into the world and make a difference. I’m going to help people who are in the greatest need. And because my Wonderful God has blessed me so much, I’m going to be sharing with the people the great love He has for them too!
So instead of giving up and being mad at God, have a little faith. Be patient. He’ll show you the purpose of your life. He’ll show you the reason He created you. The question is: Are you willing to follow Him to what He has in store for you in the future?
Melissa was (and still is) my biological mother. Every night, she would help me brush my teeth, help tuck me in bed at night, help cut up my spaghetti noodles so I wouldn’t make a mess, help do my hair every morning, help me take my baths. She was my life, my best friend. As I was growing older, I realized things in my parents’ lives that rather upset me. I realized that they fought a lot, though most of it happened while I was sleeping, or trying to rather. It wasn’t just verbal fighting, it was physical. Every night I would wake up to their fighting and come running out to try to help save the day, the little 5 year old I was. One night, I woke up and came out to see my biological father, Mike, pick up a full Pepsi can, and throw it at my mommy. Let me tell you, that didn’t make me very happy. She was my best friend after all, and it didn’t thrill me to see her get hurt. Of course, Mike stormed out of the house as he always did, threatening to leave forever (but he always came back).
One thing I do respect about Melissa was that every time he would leave, she would always blame it on herself. She would always say it was all her fault. I never believed it; I knew it was usually him. I never understood why she always took the blame and I can’t say I understand it now…
There are so many times I wish I could have back. Times like riding my first two wheeler, playing dress up with Mommy and always making her look beautiful, or bed time stories. The list goes on and on. I miss those intimate times together, when she truly loved me, or so I thought.
One day, getting ready to head out of the school, going home, the nurse called me into her office. I follow obediently, and she tells me I wasn’t going home with my Mommy and Daddy. I start to get really upset and scared, of course. I wait for Bubby and Sissy to come in, to tell me it wasn’t true, that we were in fact going home. They never did. I remember looking into both of their eyes and seeing fear, they tried to hide it but I could see it. They were trying to be strong for me.
Next thing I know, I’m being moved into a house that is strangely foreign to me, with people that were unfamiliar to my eyes, people that I had never met before. They tell me we’re going to stay here for a bit, that this was going to be our new home for a while. “Why?” was my question, just why? Nobody would tell me. Why couldn’t I be with Mommy and Daddy? Why do I have to live in the strange place, with these strange people?
Soon after, we were able to have visitations with them, my biological parents that is. They blamed it all on the family I was staying at. I wasn’t supposed to like it there because they were bad people, people who said they loved me but really didn’t. Later was I to find out, they had it backwards. Of course, being the little obedient 7 year old I was, I tried my hardest not to like them. But being the amazing family they were, it wasn’t coming very easily. They were some of the best people I had ever met, how was I supposed to not like them? But I still persisted and tried my best.
As time went on, I started to realize what was going on, why I had to be in this strange place and why I wasn’t allowed to be with my biological parents. It was their entire fault, my biological parents that is. They were the ones who were in the wrong. They were the ones who were bad people that said they loved me but didn’t really mean it.
Next thing I knew, I wasn’t allowed to see them, not until I turned 18. Eight years away seemed like a life time to me. Soon after, was adopted by the strange, but wonderful family called the Fulps. Wanda Fulp and Daryl Fulp, they were my heroes. They were the two people that forever changed my life. They picked me up from where I was, helped brushed me off, helped cleaned out as much of the deep wounds that was humanly possibly, and God did the rest. Not only that, but they also introduced me to the best person ever, and His name is Jesus Christ. He helped bandage me up, and showed me what TRUE love is. I had only known the fake love of my biological parents, the love they so easily traded away for the lusts of this world. He showed me a love that could never be traded, that would go on forever, a love that was never ending.
I’m now 17, and I’ve gotten to that point where I’m realizing all that God carried me through. Even though I didn’t have a relationship with Him yet, He still picked me up and carried me through the hard times. He was there to hold me when my parents weren’t. He was there to be my friend when I felt all alone. When I was going through the biggest transitions of my life, the times I felt like God was just being mean to me because He could, it was all for the best. It’s like when you’re doing a maze, you can’t just look at the place you are and find your way to the finish line. You have to be able to see the big picture, to see the right way to go in spite of all the wrong ones. Since we’re only humans and we can’t see the big picture, we need to trust God to guide us through the maze of our lives. He knows the way to go, and even when we feel like He’s leading us the wrong way, we have to have the faith and the endurance it takes to finish. As soon as we stop trusting Him, we go down the wrong path and hit the wall. But as soon as we trust Him to lead us again, he leads us back to the right path and will continue to lead us until we go astray again. Then He’ll have to lead us back again.
The most amazing thing about grace is that no matter how many times we mess up, He is always willing to forgive us. No matter how many times we choose to go down the wrong path, He’s always right there; ready to lead us back again. We just have trust Him that He knows what He’s doing and has everything under control. I think that’s what I tend to struggle with the most; trusting that He knows why He’s calling us. Even though it might be scary, He will never call you somewhere without the means and the ability to do it. If He’s calling you to go to a foreign country and you’re afraid of what you might need while you’re there, He will ALWAYS provide it for you!
God has guided me through everything in my life, and still I struggle to trust Him with the next big thing in my life, just like the Israelites. No matter all the amazing and incredible things God helped them through, they often lost faith and didn’t trust that He would provide everything they needed. So many times we condone them and make fun of them because of their little faith, but do we ever look at our own situations and realize it’s exactly the same thing? Maybe God hasn’t parted the Red Sea right in front of you, but I guarantee He’s done big miracles for you that you don’t even realize. And now you can’t even trust Him with the next step in your own life. Stop trying to pluck out the splinter in other people’s eyes and focus on the log that’s in yours! (I’m referring to myself when saying all this.) God asks us to have faith in Him and to be fearless. Do we really?
Having faith won’t always be easy. It’s really hard stuff. Like that Taylor Swift quote: "Being fearless isn't being 100% unafraid, it's being terrified but you jump anyway..." God will take care of us! He knows exactly where He’s leading you. He has a reason for bringing you through all that He has; you just can’t see it yet. So in the mean time, while you’re figuring it out, think about all the things you’ve been through. See how God’s hand has been with you! I never would’ve imagined that God would take me out of my home and put me in a new one. If He hadn’t, I would’ve missed out on moving to Guatemala with my family. I would’ve missed the call that God has on my life. Now because of Him, I’m going to be able to go out into the world and make a difference. I’m going to help people who are in the greatest need. And because my Wonderful God has blessed me so much, I’m going to be sharing with the people the great love He has for them too!
So instead of giving up and being mad at God, have a little faith. Be patient. He’ll show you the purpose of your life. He’ll show you the reason He created you. The question is: Are you willing to follow Him to what He has in store for you in the future?
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Let it go
It's interesting how the experiences we've had in our past shape us into who we are today. We are just a collection of past experiences all put together in one. Let me give you a few examples...
If a girl was abused, whether that be physically, sexually, or mentally, by a father, uncle, or even brother, she will never be able to have a true trusting relationship with a man. She will forever have the mentality that she isn't worth anything but what she has been used for in the past.
A guy who is never able to get the approval of his father will feel like he's never good enough. No matter what he does, his father is never happy, so he feels worthless.
A girl who was given up for adoption when she was young just because it was an inconvenience at the time will never feel loved and worth it. She will never be able to see herself as the wonderful person she is because she was given away so carelessly.
A girl who is constantly being made fun of at school because she's a little overweight and doesn't look as pretty as the other girls in her class will never feel beautiful. She will never know the true beauty God has given her because everyone around her is telling her otherwise.
All of these people are around you. You just don't even realize it. They make themselves look the way the do and act the way they do because they don't know otherwise. They may be hurting deep inside, but is too afraid to show it, so they put on this show for everyone so no one will know what's going on on the inside.
I think that's partly what is wrong with the church. We are too afraid to show our struggles and weaknesses with everyone that we put on this show. No one knows who we really are on the inside because we never let anyone see what's on the inside. If we shared these things with our friends and family members, I think it would deepen our relationships with each other. Because many times, there are tons of people around you going through the same thing, but you have no idea because they're hiding themselves as well. And if we can't share these things with the people that are closest to us, how are we supposed to share it with people who are distant to us. There are non-Christians around us who may come to us, seeking, but they don't get what they want because we're busy putting on our show. They're afraid we'll judge them because we all seem perfect. That they can't mess up around us, when sometimes we mess up way more than they do.
So instead of just passing someone in the hallway and looking away quickly before you actually make eye contact, I would challenge you to smile and say hi. They could be hurting so much inside, but no one has ever reached out a hand to see what's happening. They don't have any real friends that are there for them. And they very well may be struggling with the same things you are. Be Jesus to the people around you!
I would also challenge you to look at yourself. What are the things you do because of what has happened to you in the past?
I was at a youth camp this past week, and that's what we talked about. We let our secrets out in the open. We told people who we really are and the things we struggle with. Let me tell you, it was amazing! it was so incredible to get that lifted off my chest! And it was also amazing to see how I was not alone. There were so many people with the same struggles as me that I would've never expected!
I've always been so concerned with the way I look. I was always making sure that the clothes I wore were not out of style and I never went out of the house without my hair and makeup done. I never understood why. God showed me why this week...
When I was 7 years old, I went into foster care and was later adopted when I was 10. Through all that, my parents could've cleaned up their act and gotten me back, but they never did. They chose to live their life in sin and that hurt me deeply. I never knew what I did that made them not love me. I always thought of how i could've changed myself to make sure they loved me and would've chosen me. And in return, I was always afraid that people wouldn't accept me for who I was. That I always thought I had to look good in order to be accepted by people, because if I didn't, I was afraid they would leave me too. And this week, God showed me that no matter who I am, no matter what I do, He will always accept and love me. He will never leave me because He loves me more than anything. I never have to prove myself to anyone because I have my wonderful God.
look at yourself. What are the things you find yourself doing that you don't understand. Ask God to show you the lies you've let yourself believe because you've been hurt in your past. Reach out to the people around you because they may be hurting every bit as much as you are. Stop pretending. Be who you are and hold nothing back.
If a girl was abused, whether that be physically, sexually, or mentally, by a father, uncle, or even brother, she will never be able to have a true trusting relationship with a man. She will forever have the mentality that she isn't worth anything but what she has been used for in the past.
A guy who is never able to get the approval of his father will feel like he's never good enough. No matter what he does, his father is never happy, so he feels worthless.
A girl who was given up for adoption when she was young just because it was an inconvenience at the time will never feel loved and worth it. She will never be able to see herself as the wonderful person she is because she was given away so carelessly.
A girl who is constantly being made fun of at school because she's a little overweight and doesn't look as pretty as the other girls in her class will never feel beautiful. She will never know the true beauty God has given her because everyone around her is telling her otherwise.
All of these people are around you. You just don't even realize it. They make themselves look the way the do and act the way they do because they don't know otherwise. They may be hurting deep inside, but is too afraid to show it, so they put on this show for everyone so no one will know what's going on on the inside.
I think that's partly what is wrong with the church. We are too afraid to show our struggles and weaknesses with everyone that we put on this show. No one knows who we really are on the inside because we never let anyone see what's on the inside. If we shared these things with our friends and family members, I think it would deepen our relationships with each other. Because many times, there are tons of people around you going through the same thing, but you have no idea because they're hiding themselves as well. And if we can't share these things with the people that are closest to us, how are we supposed to share it with people who are distant to us. There are non-Christians around us who may come to us, seeking, but they don't get what they want because we're busy putting on our show. They're afraid we'll judge them because we all seem perfect. That they can't mess up around us, when sometimes we mess up way more than they do.
So instead of just passing someone in the hallway and looking away quickly before you actually make eye contact, I would challenge you to smile and say hi. They could be hurting so much inside, but no one has ever reached out a hand to see what's happening. They don't have any real friends that are there for them. And they very well may be struggling with the same things you are. Be Jesus to the people around you!
I would also challenge you to look at yourself. What are the things you do because of what has happened to you in the past?
I was at a youth camp this past week, and that's what we talked about. We let our secrets out in the open. We told people who we really are and the things we struggle with. Let me tell you, it was amazing! it was so incredible to get that lifted off my chest! And it was also amazing to see how I was not alone. There were so many people with the same struggles as me that I would've never expected!
I've always been so concerned with the way I look. I was always making sure that the clothes I wore were not out of style and I never went out of the house without my hair and makeup done. I never understood why. God showed me why this week...
When I was 7 years old, I went into foster care and was later adopted when I was 10. Through all that, my parents could've cleaned up their act and gotten me back, but they never did. They chose to live their life in sin and that hurt me deeply. I never knew what I did that made them not love me. I always thought of how i could've changed myself to make sure they loved me and would've chosen me. And in return, I was always afraid that people wouldn't accept me for who I was. That I always thought I had to look good in order to be accepted by people, because if I didn't, I was afraid they would leave me too. And this week, God showed me that no matter who I am, no matter what I do, He will always accept and love me. He will never leave me because He loves me more than anything. I never have to prove myself to anyone because I have my wonderful God.
look at yourself. What are the things you find yourself doing that you don't understand. Ask God to show you the lies you've let yourself believe because you've been hurt in your past. Reach out to the people around you because they may be hurting every bit as much as you are. Stop pretending. Be who you are and hold nothing back.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Fearless
It was amazing! Yesterday evening, I was on our back deck, doing my devotions. On our deck, we have a hibiscus tree that tends to attract humming birds. I was sitting just a few feet away from the tree when I heard a buzzing sound (and just so you know, our deck also attracts bumble bees...). I turned my head to make sure the bee (or so i thought) was far away from me, when I saw a little humming bird. I thought for sure when it realized I was there, it would've flown away, but nope. It was so busy, burrowing its face in the plant that it didn't even notice me at first. It took it's beak out of the beautiful flower to move onto the next when it saw me. It flew towards me a little and slowly inched its way a little closer. Before I knew it, the little bird was literally a foot away from my face. It just stared at me, then flew off.
While I was out there, God was showing me how I need to trust Him more. There may be dangers in this life while following the call from God, but I shouldn't be afraid. I should look danger in the face and not be afraid. I should just trust God to keep me safe.
It was amazing that God sent me that little humming bird. Because even though I was sitting there, close to the beautiful hibiscus flower, it wasn't afraid. I could've caused much danger for that tiny bird, but it chose to go to the flower instead; it would've been worth the risk. It even looked me right in the face, and yet it didn't flee from me. It just flew off carelessly. We should be able to trust God enough that even when it can be scary, He'll take care of us. We should be able to look danger in the face and not be afraid because our God is much bigger than the danger before us. We should be able to follow Him, fearless... like that Taylor Swift song,
"Cause I don't know how it gets better than this, You take my hand and drag me head-first, fearless..."
It's gonna be hard, but it's gonna be worth it. God would never call us to do anything that we couldn't handle. So even when (yes, I said when) we do get in danger, God will ALWAYS be there to hold our hand through it.
While I was out there, God was showing me how I need to trust Him more. There may be dangers in this life while following the call from God, but I shouldn't be afraid. I should look danger in the face and not be afraid. I should just trust God to keep me safe.
It was amazing that God sent me that little humming bird. Because even though I was sitting there, close to the beautiful hibiscus flower, it wasn't afraid. I could've caused much danger for that tiny bird, but it chose to go to the flower instead; it would've been worth the risk. It even looked me right in the face, and yet it didn't flee from me. It just flew off carelessly. We should be able to trust God enough that even when it can be scary, He'll take care of us. We should be able to look danger in the face and not be afraid because our God is much bigger than the danger before us. We should be able to follow Him, fearless... like that Taylor Swift song,
"Cause I don't know how it gets better than this, You take my hand and drag me head-first, fearless..."
It's gonna be hard, but it's gonna be worth it. God would never call us to do anything that we couldn't handle. So even when (yes, I said when) we do get in danger, God will ALWAYS be there to hold our hand through it.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Well, here I am again writing about stupid things I should be passed by now. Believe it or not, I am still struggling with going back to my old sins. Sins that I should've just let go a long time ago.
Oddly enough, there was an almost dead fly on my bible this morning, so I opened the window to get it out. (This relates, I promise) I flicked it out, closed the window and tossed my Bible on the floor. About 10 minutes later (while cleaning my room), I realized that when I so carelessly through my Bible on the floor, it had opened and was faced down with pages that were probably wrinkling. I picked it up to realize it was opened to Ephesians 4. As it fit oh-so-perfectly to what I had been learning from God, I began to read picking up from verse 17:
"So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated form the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more. You, however, did not come to know Christ in that way. Surely you heard of Him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds, and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."
So much of the time, we keep finding ourselves going back to our foolish ways. We, as Christians should be better than that! We should be so madly in love with Jesus that we shouldn't even want to go back to those old sins! But are we? If not, why not?
It's because everyday when we have the choice to make to live by the world or of God we choose the world. We get so caught up in it and make ourselves think it's so good that we lose track of how completely amazing God is! We forget all He has done for us and what He's doing in us. But we are ignorant and think we know what's best for ourselves. Let me tell you something. We don't.
We need to learn to trust Him that He's really worth it. We need to wake up and get over ourselves. He knows what's best for us because He knows what's coming in the future.
So when you wake up in the morning and when you have to decide to follow Jesus or the world, what are you going to choose?
Oddly enough, there was an almost dead fly on my bible this morning, so I opened the window to get it out. (This relates, I promise) I flicked it out, closed the window and tossed my Bible on the floor. About 10 minutes later (while cleaning my room), I realized that when I so carelessly through my Bible on the floor, it had opened and was faced down with pages that were probably wrinkling. I picked it up to realize it was opened to Ephesians 4. As it fit oh-so-perfectly to what I had been learning from God, I began to read picking up from verse 17:
"So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated form the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more. You, however, did not come to know Christ in that way. Surely you heard of Him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds, and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."
So much of the time, we keep finding ourselves going back to our foolish ways. We, as Christians should be better than that! We should be so madly in love with Jesus that we shouldn't even want to go back to those old sins! But are we? If not, why not?
It's because everyday when we have the choice to make to live by the world or of God we choose the world. We get so caught up in it and make ourselves think it's so good that we lose track of how completely amazing God is! We forget all He has done for us and what He's doing in us. But we are ignorant and think we know what's best for ourselves. Let me tell you something. We don't.
We need to learn to trust Him that He's really worth it. We need to wake up and get over ourselves. He knows what's best for us because He knows what's coming in the future.
So when you wake up in the morning and when you have to decide to follow Jesus or the world, what are you going to choose?
Monday, April 19, 2010
Wow, it's been a while since I last posted on here. To be completely honest, God hasn't been showing me that much recently. Well, let me rephrase that...I haven't been really listening to what God's been trying to show me recently. I've been getting so caught up in the world lately...not necessarily the sins of the world, but i've been so busy with school work and going to work, that I didn't make time for Him. I most certainly could have, but i just didn't...partly because the times i remembered were the times I couldn't and the times I could, I either didn't want to, or i just decided that sleep was more important. Wrong decision, obviously.
It's like over time, you just start to slowly slide closer and closer to the edge. Then sometime, hopefully before you've completely jumped off the deep end, you suddenly realize how far you've actually slipped. It's really sad to see happen....especially if it's firsthand.
That's what God has really showed me the past couple weeks. Thankfully for me, I started to realize early on, before I did something really stupid. It's that slowly over time, you begin letting things slide as okay, even when you know deep down inside they're not. Before you know it, you're giving into all kinds of temptations that you don't even realize. It's exactly like the song "Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns. Some of the lyrics go "It's a slow fade when you give yourself away. It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray. Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid when you give yourself away. People never crumble in a day, it's a slow fade." It's really suprising and really sad the day you wake up and realize how much you've let yourself "fade"
But the saddest thing about it is not that I slipped away (though it is really disappointing), the saddest part is that this has happend to me before. Numerous times. It frustrates me that I keep falling for the same sins. I never learn my lesson. It reminds me of the stupid fly that always seems to get inside the window. No matter how many times it bangs itself against the window to try to break free, it never works. It just keeps running and banging until finally someone has to come along, and guide the fly out. The fly couldn't make it out by itself, it needed someone who can see the big picture, and can see more than it could to find the way back to freedom. That's how we tend to be in our relationships with God. We keep running ourselves into the same sins until God (who can see the big picture of ourlives and knows how to get us out) directs us away, to the place of freedom.
The most amazing part about it is that no matter how many times we get stuck inside the window, He will ALWAYS be there to direct us out. No matter what we get ourselves stuck in, He will always be there to help us through it. He won't necessarily take us out right away, but He will be there to comfort you along the way. It's amazing to think about how much He really does love us...and it can be really sad to think about how much of the time we don't love Him back. He was willing to give up literally everything He had, including His own life, for us, and yet we can't even give him some of the sins in our lives. We get so stuck on what we like and want as opposed to what He wants and likes that we get carried away and don't even notice how it makes Him feel. Everytime we get no the computer to look at porn, evertime we pick up that bottle of alcohol, everytime we tell a "little white lie" it proves that much more how we don't love Him. I'm definitely not saying everyone's perfect and that everyone's going to get it right, but what I am saying is that we should all (including myself) work harder, even in the little things, at living for Him. Everything we think, say, and do should be for Him. So I'm challenging you to really bring glory to Him with everything you do, say, and think. And I'm also challenging you to look at your life, and see if you've been fading recently, to see how far you've actually slipped.
It's like over time, you just start to slowly slide closer and closer to the edge. Then sometime, hopefully before you've completely jumped off the deep end, you suddenly realize how far you've actually slipped. It's really sad to see happen....especially if it's firsthand.
That's what God has really showed me the past couple weeks. Thankfully for me, I started to realize early on, before I did something really stupid. It's that slowly over time, you begin letting things slide as okay, even when you know deep down inside they're not. Before you know it, you're giving into all kinds of temptations that you don't even realize. It's exactly like the song "Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns. Some of the lyrics go "It's a slow fade when you give yourself away. It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray. Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid when you give yourself away. People never crumble in a day, it's a slow fade." It's really suprising and really sad the day you wake up and realize how much you've let yourself "fade"
But the saddest thing about it is not that I slipped away (though it is really disappointing), the saddest part is that this has happend to me before. Numerous times. It frustrates me that I keep falling for the same sins. I never learn my lesson. It reminds me of the stupid fly that always seems to get inside the window. No matter how many times it bangs itself against the window to try to break free, it never works. It just keeps running and banging until finally someone has to come along, and guide the fly out. The fly couldn't make it out by itself, it needed someone who can see the big picture, and can see more than it could to find the way back to freedom. That's how we tend to be in our relationships with God. We keep running ourselves into the same sins until God (who can see the big picture of ourlives and knows how to get us out) directs us away, to the place of freedom.
The most amazing part about it is that no matter how many times we get stuck inside the window, He will ALWAYS be there to direct us out. No matter what we get ourselves stuck in, He will always be there to help us through it. He won't necessarily take us out right away, but He will be there to comfort you along the way. It's amazing to think about how much He really does love us...and it can be really sad to think about how much of the time we don't love Him back. He was willing to give up literally everything He had, including His own life, for us, and yet we can't even give him some of the sins in our lives. We get so stuck on what we like and want as opposed to what He wants and likes that we get carried away and don't even notice how it makes Him feel. Everytime we get no the computer to look at porn, evertime we pick up that bottle of alcohol, everytime we tell a "little white lie" it proves that much more how we don't love Him. I'm definitely not saying everyone's perfect and that everyone's going to get it right, but what I am saying is that we should all (including myself) work harder, even in the little things, at living for Him. Everything we think, say, and do should be for Him. So I'm challenging you to really bring glory to Him with everything you do, say, and think. And I'm also challenging you to look at your life, and see if you've been fading recently, to see how far you've actually slipped.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Surrender
Tonight, as I was going my devotions, God really spoke to me. To be honest, I've gotten away from having my personal time with Him. And as a result, of course, I kinda fell apart. I've been overwhelmed with schoolwork that I should be doing, but being the procrastinator I am, I obviously have a lot to do tomorrow to finish up the second quarter of the year. I think it's so ironic that when we busy up our schedules too much, and we are being busy all the time, that's the time that we need Him the most, but that's the time that we push Him away the most. I think that if I would've been spending time with Him this week, I wouldn't be this far behind in school work. We pack our lives so incredibly full that we don't have time for Him, and as a result, things start to fall apart. And the sad thing to me is, that we go about our lives as if we're being really involved with God this week and we've been acting like we've been keeping Him really close, when in actuality, we've been pushing Him away. We put on these masks all the time when we're around friends at school, at church, and even sometimes at home. We appear to be doing really well, and that everything's alright, when we're really not. Sometimes we don't even know we're not alright, sometimes it's the "last straw" that makes us fall apart and realize we haven't been okay, that we've even put on a mask to ourselves!
At our youth group a month or two, my pastor showed us a music video that another youth group from Texas made. It's to the song Stained Glass Masquerade by Casting Crowns. It perfectly describes us! So many times, we go to church and "worship" God. Sure, we sing the songs and listen to the pastor preach, but do we truely mean the words we sing and do we truely listen to the words the pastor has to say to us? Or do we get so focused on the distractions of this world and forget to truely worship Him? Most of the , I think it's the ladder. And if so, we seriously need to change that!
Worship isn't just comming to church on Sunday morning and maybe Wednesday night group, don't get me wrong, it's the way you live your life every single day. It's when you wake up and decide you're going to live this day for Him. It's when you decide you're going to say something nice to your boss, even if he might be a jerk. It's when you decide to say no to the peer pressure that comes from school. It's saying no, that you're not going to look at those images on the computer, that you're going to keep your thoughts pure instead. Worship is when we live for Him, and truely honor living the way He wants you to live!
Are you TRUELY worhipping God with all that you are? I hope the answer is yes, but if not, why?
At our youth group a month or two, my pastor showed us a music video that another youth group from Texas made. It's to the song Stained Glass Masquerade by Casting Crowns. It perfectly describes us! So many times, we go to church and "worship" God. Sure, we sing the songs and listen to the pastor preach, but do we truely mean the words we sing and do we truely listen to the words the pastor has to say to us? Or do we get so focused on the distractions of this world and forget to truely worship Him? Most of the , I think it's the ladder. And if so, we seriously need to change that!
Worship isn't just comming to church on Sunday morning and maybe Wednesday night group, don't get me wrong, it's the way you live your life every single day. It's when you wake up and decide you're going to live this day for Him. It's when you decide you're going to say something nice to your boss, even if he might be a jerk. It's when you decide to say no to the peer pressure that comes from school. It's saying no, that you're not going to look at those images on the computer, that you're going to keep your thoughts pure instead. Worship is when we live for Him, and truely honor living the way He wants you to live!
Are you TRUELY worhipping God with all that you are? I hope the answer is yes, but if not, why?
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Faith
Faith. What is faith? Well, according to dictionary.com, it is defined as, "Confidence or trust in a person or thing." So many times I forget how powerful and awesome God is and in turn, I start relying on myself with certain things. It's like God's not good enough to take care of me and He's not good enough to make the right decisions for my life.
Okay, seriously, a God who BREATHES stars into existance isn't big enough to know and understand what little things I'm going through? I think not. We just get carried away with what WE ant to happen and not what HE wants. We just need to wake up and realize how puny we are and how little control of things we have. God breathes STARS into existance! Stars, rocks big enough that we can't even concieve in our minds how big they are! How stupid and rediculous we, people on tiny little Earth, are!
It's like you're traveling on a road, and suddenly right in front of you is a fence. A fence you can't see over, but the person you're walking with can. You have to trust Him when He tells you when it's safe to open up the gate because otherwise, you've got to rely on yourself, blindly.
We've got to learn to trust Him when finances are in bad shape or when a loved one has become very ill. You have to trust Him that everything will turn out the way He wants it to and not the way you want it to. He has a master plan for your life and He knows what's best for you, no matter what the outcome is!
We have to learn to have faith in the One who created you and who made you come into existance! We've got to learn to swallow our pride and give it to Him!
Okay, seriously, a God who BREATHES stars into existance isn't big enough to know and understand what little things I'm going through? I think not. We just get carried away with what WE ant to happen and not what HE wants. We just need to wake up and realize how puny we are and how little control of things we have. God breathes STARS into existance! Stars, rocks big enough that we can't even concieve in our minds how big they are! How stupid and rediculous we, people on tiny little Earth, are!
It's like you're traveling on a road, and suddenly right in front of you is a fence. A fence you can't see over, but the person you're walking with can. You have to trust Him when He tells you when it's safe to open up the gate because otherwise, you've got to rely on yourself, blindly.
We've got to learn to trust Him when finances are in bad shape or when a loved one has become very ill. You have to trust Him that everything will turn out the way He wants it to and not the way you want it to. He has a master plan for your life and He knows what's best for you, no matter what the outcome is!
We have to learn to have faith in the One who created you and who made you come into existance! We've got to learn to swallow our pride and give it to Him!
Monday, January 11, 2010
Brand new blogger!
Okay, so I'm brand new to this whole blogging thing and this is my very first blog. God has been teaching me so many new things recently, and so I wanted to share some of them with all of you! So here goes...
So much has been going on with my family the past month (by the way, for all of you who didn't know, I'm kid number 4 out of 10 kids). My little brother Joshua, who is only 6 years old, has spina bifita (we adopted him from China because of his special needs). As a result of this special need, his spine had become tethered. We (Mom and Dad) set up a date to "detether" it on December 9th. They thought that way the surgery could be done and over with, and hopefully healed by Christmas time (we were going to North Carolina and Pennsylvania to visit our extended family the day after Christmas, as our usual tradition.). It's funny how we can plan things, and how God changes those plans! So, God had a better plan for our December 9th-January 11th. To make a very long story short, Joshua had a lot of problems with the graph from the procedure seeping spinal fluid into his lower back. As a result, he has spent 4 out of the past 5 weeks in the hospital. We spent Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and New Years Day in the hospital with him. During this time, my mom would be at the hospital for the day shift and my dad would be there for the night shift, leaving the oldest teenagers with most of the responsibilities around the house (and help with taking some of the day shifts for/with Mom). I had done pretty well with dealing with it all and trusting God with the situation. Finally, a week ago, Sunday night, Monday night, and Tuesday night, I finally cracked. I was feeling down, "depressed," and in a pretty grumpy mood. I started to blame God for all of the pain and for the reason everything didn't turn out how I had wanted it to.
As I was going through this, I realized I had gotten away from my quiet time with God. I had been skipping my time alone with Him and as a result, I was grumpy and upset. But as I picked up that time with Him again, I was much happier and very trusting of God with it all.
When you think about it, most of the times we're down, discouraged, and upset are the times we're not spending enough time with Him. Talking and being with Him is what helps comfort us and helps us to feel better. Those are the best times!
It feels just like it feels when someone you can always count on to be there for you isn't able to be with you (whether it was their fault or something that was beyond them). We get down and discouraged. But as soon as we pick that time up again, we start feeling better and we feel peace. We need God to help us through EVERYTHING we're going through, the good and the bad. It's our responsibility to make sure we're spending enough time with Him!
God, please help us not to skimp out on our relationship with You! Help us to always run to You when we need you! Help us to always remember that You're there for us no matter what we're going through and that You'll always be there to help as long as we ask You to!
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