I’ve gotten several messages from people back in the states telling me how great of a person I am for doing all that I’m doing down here in Guatemala. They tell me what good I’m doing down here and they say that they wish they could do what I do… but they say they just can’t. They say I’m more courageous than they are….that I “have what it takes.” Let me tell you something. I am not courageous. I don’t have what it takes. Sometimes I think there are more days that I fear and doubt than ones that I surrender to God’s will. To be completely honest, I’m deathly scared of what my future holds. I have no idea how to get the medical training I’m going to need to go out to the villages and help those who are in true need. I have no idea how I’m going to Uganda…or when. I have no idea how I’m going to get all my school work done with all the distractions here. It scares me to death thinking about the possibility of never marrying… and taking in kids and being a single mother. God has so many plans for me, yet it seems as though I don’t know any of the answers to the questions I have about them. I have no clue how God’s going to bring everything together when it’s all said and done. But I think that’s the point of faith. Hebrews 11:1 says:
“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”

I hope that by the time I’m ready to see my Jesus face to face, God would have brought glory to Himself through my life. I hope that by the end, God would have allowed everything to turn out for the best because I am a child of God…because I love my Jesus. And I am sure that God will take care of all that during my lifetime. I am certain that God would never put me through anything more than what I could handle. I am certain that God will take care of my future if I serve Him with everything I am.

I have so many doubts and unanswered questions. I am terrified of what I’ll face in my future. I KNOW that I do not have what it takes to do all that God is asking me to do. But that’s the beauty of God’s grace. God gives it to us anyways because we can’t live our lives without Him. He doesn’t need us to finish out His story, He could do it all on His own…without us. But He still chooses to use us instead. He chooses us to be a part of His great story because He loves us way more than we could ever imagine.

Hebrews 11 is perhaps my favorite chapter of the Bible. It takes all of the great stories of the Bible and puts them realistically. Noah, for instance, built a huge arc to put two of every kind of animal in because of a great flood that would overtake the whole world. Unfathomable, right? If God would’ve asked me to do that today (as painful as it is to say...) I think I’d probably laugh and tell Him that’d be completely ridiculous and impossible. But God warned him of what was to come and he built the arc “out of holy fear.”

Abraham was called by God to go and should stop when God told him to stop. That would’ve been completely outrageous and seemingly reckless. He “obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.” Also, Abraham was about to sacrifice his one and only son because he had nothing else to offer. He did it “even though God had said to him, ‘it is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.’” He knew God is good no matter what, so he should trust Him  no matter what.

“By faith the walls of Jericho fell, after the people had marched around them for seven days.” God would seriously knock the walls down if he marched around it a bunch of times an them made a whole bunch of noise? Seriously?

All of these people had faith. They were sure of what they hoped for and certain of what they could not see. They knew God would take care of their futures and trusted Him, not matter what it would take. And God did do all He promised, in ways they could never have imagined.

So as I sit and question God’s authority about my future, when I don’t trust that He’s good no matter what, when I’m tired and overwhelmed and I don’t feel like I can do it anymore, He whispers in my ear and gives me everything I need.

I still praise Him because He has proven faithful in the past. I know I can trust Him in the future because He has never failed or let me down. I know He is good no matter what, so the situation I am in is good. He will give me all I’ll ever need because He is good. He will never fail me.