Naivety and trying to grow up

When you're little, your mind is so full of so many different kinds of dreams. Someday you'll be an astronaut, the president of the United States, an artist, a teacher, an athlete, a fire fighter, or a singer. You are so naiive and think that anything can happen if you just dream about it.

When I was little, I wanted to be a lot of things. First, I wanted to be an artist because that was what my biological dad did, and I wanted to be just like him. Then I wanted to be a singer, then just anyone famous, then a librarian, and then I wanted to be a nurse.
I would lose time playing "house" and pretending that I was the best of the best and I had all the control and nothing could ever touch me. Because I was, afterall, a pretty amazing little person, so I would someday turn out to be a pretty amazing big person, right?
It's incredible what naivety can make you think!

But someday that naivety and childishness needs to fade away and it comes time for you to start learning wisdom and how to be an adult[still working on this..].

I would've never guessed in a million years what my life would turn out to be like(and I still don't know what is in store for me in my future!). I know that I still have a long way to go in my story and I know that it's just starting for me, but I would've never imagined that I would be where I am where I am right now.
I am kid number 4 of a family of 10 kids, living in Guatemala, learning a new culture and language, serving in ministry, heading to Uganda, Africa to serve my Jesus, whom I have come to know and love. Hah. Waaay far away from what I ever had planned in my own mind.
But I love it and I wouldn't change it for the world! <3

When I was little, I thought that by now I would still be living in the states, going to college for my nursing degree, working on a long relationship with a guy that I would someday soon marry, have it all together and have my future all planned out. Everything should have been a piece of cake!

Ironically, none of that is part of the reality I look at right now. I am now in Guatemala, I am not going to college for any degree, I do not have a boy friend, and I most certainly do not have it all together. I have nothing planned out.

Sometimes I get myself overwhelmed at this fact(that I have nothing planned out) and I lose control and get upset and start doubting myself and God. How could I be 19 years old and still not be who God wants me to be? How can I still be so naive and have such a long way to go until I get to be where I feel like I should be?

God has way different plans than we could ever dream of or hope for, far more complex and confusing that we could ever have imagined, and sometimes they're just plain scary. Why in the world would He choose ME to be here in Guatemala and in a short while be in Uganda doing things I never ever imagined I could do? Why would He ask of me to be so far away from my friends and family in places that I'm not comfortable in? Why couldn't He just have given me what I wanted when I wanted it and left it there?

Sometimes I find myself asking that question. And as soon as that question enters my mind or slips out of my mouth, I stop and I realize just how rediculous that really is. Isn't God's call for us to be uncomfortable, preaching and teaching His name and about His big love that He has for ALL? Isn't THAT our purpose in life, to bring God and God alone all the glory possible in this tiny bit of time we are given? Aren't we supposed to give everything to Him because He is the One who gave it to us in the first place? And shouldn't we trust Him in the way He is going to handle it? Isn't that what all of this is about?
Sadly enough, I think we all confuse ourselves of what the real meaning of being a disciple is about. Slowly over time we choose our comfort and our wants and subconciously(or sometimes very conciously) change what His call is.

His call is to follow Him to the places He is going to lead us, no matter where, how hard, to whom, or whatever it may cost. We are to give up EVERYTHING and follow with wreckless abandon and trust that He is worth it(because He IS).

His gift of love and eternal life is freely given to all who choose to recieve it. Anyone who wants to learn about Him and His great love can do so, and if they really seek, they WILL find. And those who really believe in Him will someday experience eternal life.
But there is a rule. And that rule is: freely recieve, freely give. We are required to give love and teach it to anyone and everyone, whether we like them or not, no matter what they have done to us, whether they initially want it or not, or whether they choose to deny it or not. It is required of us. To EVERYONE.
This has been especially hard for me in recent days. I am required to share Jesus's beautiful love with EVERYONE around me. It doesn't matter if I'm fighting with that person, no matter if I like them, how well I know them, how well I wish I didn't know them, what I've done to them, or what they have done to me. Jesus loved the very people who spit at Him and put Him on a cross. He LOVED them.
The same is required of me. No student is greater than his teacher. I must follow in His steps. "To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in His steps." 1 Peter 2:21

Even though I have chosen a path that I have no idea where it will lead me, I must trust. I must have faith and know that He is God and I am not. I must remember that His call requires EVERY part of me. And even though it is hard to show it, I must love others as Christ loved me.
No one man is greater than another. No matter who you become or what you end up doing with your life, as long as you are serving God and loving Him more with each and every passing day and teaching others that great love, it is all worth it in the end. God doesn't just use the famous or glamorous people. He can use ANYONE as long as they are willing and choose Him! You can do anything you want in this life, but if you aren't learning to love our amazing God more and more through it and if you're not loving others through it, it is worth nothing and you might as well not do anything at all. If He is not being brought the most amount of glory possible, we are just wasting our time and His.
We must tell anyone and everyone of this great love that we have found in Jesus Christ. We must fight through comfort and anything else that might be put in our way. We must trust our Jesus and follow through with what He asks of us. And He promises to hold us and help us through every step we take.

"If you want to succeed in ANYTHING in life, you have to fight through the comfort zones."