Today I was a little girl again :)

I'm sitting on my bed, looking at pictures of Guatemala and the people I love there, which slowly turns into looking at pictures of Uganda and the people I have learned to love here too. I have my door wide open so the breeze can go through more rapidly, and hopefully cool off my never-ending sweating that I would most definitely appreciate stopping. I see girl after girl running by my room, and little 3-year old Secret toddling behind, all squealing and giggling as they go by. Then they run by the opposite way, running towards their rooms to grab their shoes and I get excited and I want to see too. The little girl in me takes over and I leave my not-yet-looked at pictures pulled up on my bed and I forget to turn off my music and the light and I run out to ask what they were all doing. "We are going to escort Auntie Betty," answers Big Prossy and I ask if I can go too and she tells me I can and I run back to my room and before I know it, I have my shoes in hand and I'm running out both gates and I collect Secret in my arms. I slip on my shoes and we all slow the pace as we catch up with Auntie Betty and her little daughter Sarah. We laugh and we skip down the red dirt road and even though it's a 10 minute walk we all wish it never ended. We come to the end of the street and we say goodbye to her until tomorrow and we all look at each other and smile and we head back. I ask Big Prossy to help me put Secret on my back because even though she looks little, she's heavy, too heavy for me to carry in my almost muscle-less arms and she does so and smiles at me. I hear the once-terrified-of-me-Secret giggle behind my back because the Ugandan roads are known for their potholes and it's bumpy.. and I add some bumps along the way too ;) I look down and see how far Sunday has come, knowing only the stories they told me of what his childhood had looked like up until this point and I praise Jesus that he and his sister Secret have found a home in Minnesota to go to.
I look around at Gracie, Prossy, Eron, and Esther and I see joy and laughter and I praise Him that even though every orphan in Uganda and in the whole world can't be saved, these girls were. They live a better life now than they probably could've ever imagined when they were so little, and all the praise only goes to Jesus who deserves it and who made it all happen. I thank Him that Big Prossy can live with us for a while and that hopefully she can learn how to love Jesus while she's here until boarding school starts up again and she can go back to school for the first time in years.
God called me here so many years ago and I thank Him and praise Him for the joy that I have in my heart from being here and learning culture and enjoying every minute I can until it's time for me to go back.. so I can have the best memories possible that can hopefully hold me over until I can one day come back and call this my home.
We skip even more down the dirt road and strangers are staring at me like I'm crazy for laughing and playing with the ugandan girls, but I don't care and I keep laughing harder because I love these girls and they have blessed me SO much just by knowing them.
We walk through the first gate and Big Prossy takes Secret off my back and I try to air some of the sweat off my back and Esther grabs my hand and so sweetly asks me, "Will you play with us, Teisha?" "Of course I'll play with you!" I answer back before my brain can even catch up with my mouth and we all run through the second gate and all the way through the house to the back yard. We run as fast as we can down the steps, but slow enough that we don't fall and get hurt and we all stand in a circle and they all grab my hands and I'm shocked and have no idea what to do. Sunday starts chanting a song in his language and I'm pretty sure that not even the other girls understood exactly what they were saying, but they all learned the song and answer back in unison and I just smile because I have no clue what is going on. Then they all join in with the same tune and they start skipping in a circle and I follow to the best of my ability. Then they all collapse on the ground at the same time and we all giggle because I miss my cue and I am the last one standing. I fall down and we stay there laughing for a little while and then all get up and sing other songs and do other dances that I awkwardly follow along with. All the sudden Sunday is on the ground with his eyes covered and Prossy tells me "you're supposed to hide!" And I run and try to find the best hiding place fast enough so that he won't see me and then he yells, "ready?" and we all yell, "yes!" back to him and he gets up giggling wildly and hardly walking straight and he eventually finds us and we start again, only it's Esther's turn this time. Then we break up and I realize I'm getting bit up by mosquitoes so I run inside to grab the bug spray and as soon as I'm done Esther runs in and grabs my hand and tells me, "We're going to the front to play jump rope!" I get a huge smile because I was a pro at jumping rope when I was a little girl.
I skip hand-in-hand with Esther to the front and she hands me my shoes that I accidentally left out in the back. I wait for all the girls to go first so I could see what kind of talent I was competing with and I hear little Secret yell, "Teeta! Teeta!" (she was yelling my name and telling me it was my turn.) I yell it back to her and the girls start and I jump and jump and I totally crush all of their scores. They look at me like I'm the best person they had ever seen and I ask if they have ever tried to start the rope and then jump in after. They all say "wow!" and try it... and they all fail. They look to me and tell me it's my turn and I bunch my skirt together at my knees so it doesn't get in the way and I tell them to start. I tell them that I could be a little rusty and I jump in at the perfect time and jump 20 jumps and they all get amazed again. Then I grab the rope to give them a chance to do it too and I tell them when to jump in and I speed up/slow it down when I realize they won't make it. And we jump for a while until we realize we are late for baths so we run inside and a few of us pull out the game Life while they take baths and while we waited for Mommy Tomi so we could watch a TV show. We get a whole round in and finally she comes out and the girls start claiming who is going to sit by me and they all sit on the couch accordingly and direct me to my assigned spot. I pretend to be oblivious and sit in the chair across the room and they all giggle and tell me, "Noooo, Teisha! You sit HERE!" And I say, "OOooooh" as if I hadn't understood before and snuggle myself between Prossy and Esther. And we sit and we watch a show I could care less about, but I enjoy it anyway because I love being in this country, with these people.
Even though I miss my family and all my many, many brothers and sisters and my Mommy and Daddy while I'm here, it's nice because tonight I feel like I have new sisters and a new brother until I can be back with my own in about a week.
I LOVE it here in Uganda and am so blessed that I can be here and that God can show me all He has since I've been here.
Thank you all SO much for your prayers and your support to get me here! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I could never, ever thank you enough! And I praise Jesus that He gave me this call and helped me through it and has been my strength all this time, because without Him, I would've never, ever made it this far. And I can't wait to see what He will do in my future here!

Morris and the foot tickling

"God is great, I live to celebrate. He came into my heart and tick-tick boom! went the chains. Tick-tick boom! went the chains."

That is a song that two girls wrote the lyrics to when they were here visiting. They taught all the kids at the school how to sing it. So you constantly hear the little kids and the big kids singing it while they play. They also sing songs about being set free because Jesus set us free, being mad for our King and becoming undignified for Him, and that God remembers them. I love listening to all of the kids singing with their very heavy Ugandan accent singing songs I already knew and songs they taught me. I have been going to the school every school day*except for Independence day) since I have been here with this ministry, and every day I am blessed more than the first. I love tutoring Janet and Gilbert and playing with the little kids outside and helping serve lunch to them. And I love the way they all call me "Teacher" (well, sometimes they call me teacher and sometimes they call me by my name.. but with their accents it sounds exactly the same). The other day Carissa, Alena and I arrived on bodas, and as soon as we got to the school area all the kids yelled "MUZUNGU!!" and they ran over and almost knocked us over because they all wanted to give us hugs. I love it here!

Not only do I love it at the school, but I love being home! I love Little Sam, Esther(Little Sam and Esther aren't the kids that Katie and Mallory took in. They live here with their mother), Sam(he's not big by any means.. he's just bigger than the toddler), Morris, Bwanika, Ivan, and Emma. And I loved meeting Timothy, Richard, Fred, Fahad, and Edwin the other day(those 5 go to boarding school). They are all hilarious and so much fun to be around!
I was thinking about my relationship with them and how to describe it. I thought maybe it's like a brother-sister relationship. But then decided that wasn't it. But then I thought well, it's most definitely not like a mother-son relationship. So how can I explain it?? But then I realized. They all call us Auntie Teisha and Auntie Carissa, and that is exactly the way to explain it. I love to pick on them and play with them, and yet I have authority over them, but not authority like a parent. I feel like their Auntie Teisha!

The other day we were playing outside in the front yard with the boys(we as in Carissa and I) and I had bigger Sam on my back. But then he pushed off the side of the porch with his foot and made me step my one foot into the really gushy, gross mud. We all laughed really hard for a long while, but then as soon as the laughing was over, I realized what in the world am I supposed to do about this muddy foot? I looked at Morris and teasingly asked him if I could use his shirt to clean it off and he looked at me like he had this bright idea and held out his index finger in the air, signaling for me to wait. He's not all that great at English, he's still working at it, so I just assumed he misunderstood me and I walked into the grass to try to wipe some of it off. A minute later he came out with a cup of water and looked at me like I was supposed to do something. I looked at the cup and then up at him and asked, "What?"
Because he isn't great at English and apparently he's not a huge fan of speaking Luganda either (his native language), he usually just makes hilarious sounds and gestures. So he looked at me and made this hilarious sound and used his index finger to make a circle in the air, signaling for me to turn around. So I turned around. Then he held out his hand like I was supposed to put something in it. I gave him an I-have-no-idea-what-you-want-me-to-do-look and he pulled my leg up and held my foot in his hand. At first I freaked out because I really don't like people touching my feet. I thanked him for the willingness to wash my feet, but held my hand out for the water and told him I could do it myself. He put the water behind his back and told me "no" and held his hand out again for me to put my foot in it. I was really going to have to let him clean my foot, wasn't I?
I took a deep breath and put my foot in his hand and closed my eyes because I knew this was going to be hard. He started to pour the water over my foot and he started to wipe some of the mud away and I freaked out and laughed so hard because it tickled. I looked at him one last time and reassured him that I can very easily do it myself and he looked at me like I was crazy. So I took an even deeper breath and tried it again.
He very faithfully and diligently cleaned off all the mud from the bottom of my foot and between my toes. I will not deny the fact that I was laughing wildly the entire time and was very anxious for it to be over. He looked at me and gave me a huge smile and turned around and headed to the kitchen to put the cup back. I yelled "thank you" to him as he headed back, though I'm pretty sure I would've been more thankful if he had just let me do it myself.

A little later that night when I was in our room reading my Bible and writing in my journal just before bed, I couldn't stop thinking about Morris and what he had done for me, and I wasn't really quite sure why. He had just put me through all that torture and tickled me beyond what I would've been comfortable with, so why would I sit there, thinking about it as if he had done something great for me? Then I realized that he had.

If anyone I knew had stepped in that mud(other than a kid) I would've been the one to grab them a cup of water and make them do it them self. Feet are really gross to me, so why would I sit there and clean off a dirty one when they can just do it? Then I realized two things. One thing is that Morris used to live on the streets, so he probably could care less about touching my feet and would probably stick my foot in his mouth if I had asked him to. I also realized that Morris was being a servant. These boys here have such a respect and are so willing to serve all the aunties and uncles here, even Carissa and I who are only here for 2 and a half weeks.
Looking back, I wish I would've been more thankful and not as sarcastic. He served me in a way I wouldn't have been that willing to serve him in. And now thinking about it, it blesses me so much! My pride is too big and I still have a long way to go as far as learning humility and servant hood. And I am so thankful for all of these children and these people here who are teaching it to me! I need to be washing people's feet just as Jesus washed His disciples' feet(physically and metaphorically). I need to learn to be a servant of servants, just as my Jesus was.

Fear of geckos and chickens and everything else

I had originally written out a blog post a couple days ago that I was going to post today.. But now that today is here, I feel that I have something stronger and pressing harder on my heart that I feel that I need to write about instead. Maybe the other post with be here in a few days to come.

I sat down this morning to spend time with my Jesus. I have been looking forward to this time all morning, and when the time finally came, I sat down and stared at my journal and Bible. I was subconsciously procrastinating it, and I have no idea why. In my head I was saying, "Yes! I'm finally gonna spend some time with Him and learn a little more of who He is and His love." but when I sat  down, I wanted to keep eating the warm, fresh g-nuts(peanuts), I wanted to get up and do my hair for the day because I have yet to do anything with it today, I wanted to make a list of things I need to do before I leave Uganda, I wanted to put on some music, I wanted to go and work out with the other girls, and I wanted to sit here and think about Guatemala and how much I miss my family. Why would I want to do anything and everything but spend time with my Jesus, when spending time with Him is all that I wanted to do this morning?
When I sat down to actually quiet my heart before Him, He started to teach me..

Conviction. I love it when God convicts me because that way He can correct me and help me learn to be more like Him. But then again I hate it because I don't like being wrong and then have to actually work to fix the wrong and hopefully make it right. The last couple days(actually the last few weeks) God has been convicting me of priorities I have in my life that shouldn't be there, things I need to work towards when I get home, and He's been teaching me humility and servant hood.

I know this is ridiculous and I feel ridiculous even admitting this, but honesty is so very important and I don't want to pretend (or try to pretend) that I am perfect and I have no flaws. I have big imperfections, I have small imperfections, and I have imperfections any where between those two. I'm pretty sure that I have way more imperfections than good or right in my life, but I think maybe that's okay because God is teaching me to take those imperfections and try to make them not-so imperfect.. And in 2 Corinthians 12:9 it says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." If I have so many weaknesses in me, it gives God that many more times to show me His power and how much He really is sufficient in this life. Every time I am not enough and I can't cut it, He shows me that He is enough and He can cut it and that helps to grow my faith.
The thing that is so ridiculous and I don't want to admit is that I fear. I fear almost anything and everything to a point that I feel like such a little girl all the time. I fear small animals, big animals, bugs, some people(mostly men), being alone, doing things on my own, teaching and sharing God's Word and Jesus' saving-story. I fear the future and all that will be in it, I fear what will happen if I don't do what God asks me to do, I fear being a big girl and having to live far from my family someday, and the list can go on, and on, and on.
One of the girls that lives here was reading in 1 John, and she read chapter 4 verse 18, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
If I fear, then that means I'm not trusting in God to take care of me and I'm not letting Him have His incredible, perfect Way in me.. and it means that I am not loving Him. I think some fear is good because we are to fear and love God. But if I fear everything all the time, then how is that having faith that God will have His Way in me and trusting Him that that Way is good and perfect and ultimately the best thing that could happen in the end?

Yesterday I was sitting on the dirt porch facing the gathering of children during music class at the school. They were singing their little hearts out(a little off beat and a little off key, but it sounded beautiful anyway) when a chicken walked up to me. A couple feet out from me was a bean that the chicken wanted to eat, but she was scared of me. She hesitated from a couple feet away and kept darting her eyes at the seed and then back at me, wondering if she could make it to the seed and back without me hurting her. When she first walked up, I was terrified. My heart started racing and my knees felt kind of weak and I wanted to scare the hen away without her getting her bean because I didn't want her close to me. As I watched her being afraid of me and staring at the bean and then back at me, I realized how absolutely ridiculous it was for me to fear the fearful chicken. I wasn't trusting God to take care of me (or trusting Him even if the chicken by slim chance decided to attack me). I trusted Him to provide for my trip, to bring me all the way here to Uganda, and yet I was afraid of the two or two-and-a-half foot chicken standing in front of me. I prayed that Jesus would give me the courage I needed to not be afraid of the chicken and He helped me. I was literally reaching my hand out to touch it when she darted for the silly bean and ran away clucking and bobbing her head back and forth.
I also feared the tiny inch and a half-long gecko that fell on my face while making beads the other day. I feared the baby goat that I was trying to quickly take a picture of when we were returning home from a day of fun with the boys. I feared the men who were callings us beautiful mzungus(white people) and saying things in Luganda that I was very thankful that I didn't understand a couple days ago when Carissa and I ran out to get chapates for dinner(the boys made dinner and put minnows in it....not a fan of minnows). I am afraid of the boda every time I have to ride one. And I was a afraid of standing up in the middle of the church service last Sunday and actually preaching the TRUE Word of God because the pastor had it all wrong.
I need to let go of the fear because like it says in 1 John, if I fear, then I am not made perfect in love. I asked God to teach me more about Him and His love when I sat down to spend time with Him, and He started teaching me in a way that I didn't expect.
I went on reading in 1 John 5 and starting at verse one and it says,
Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves the father loves his child as well. This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.

I am not carrying out His commands when I fear because He tells me not to fear. And when I love Him and believe in His Son, then He helps me overcome the world.. which includes the fear and all the temptation that is in it. God is love, not fear. So I must learn to love Him and overcome the fear. His power is made perfect in weakness, so I know that He will meet me where I end and He will compensate for the courage that I lack. And He will teach me that courage and how to apply it in other areas of life too.

I am SO very thankful that God has been with me, that He is with me, and that He will continue to be with me as I carry out the rest of my time here(and even when I'm home and everywhere else that I will go). My time is half-way up now, and I can hardly believe it.  God has been so good to me and He has been teaching me and growing me. So now I'm praying that He will continue to teach me to love Him and others and help me not to fear, and that I will take all of this with me when I go home to Guatemala and keep it with me wherever I go. I LOVE Uganda and I can't wait for the day that I can actually be here to stay!

Praising Jesus

This morning I woke up praising my Jesus. He deserves every bit of praise that I could ever give Him and SO much more.
I loved being able to live with the Broce family for a week and a half, I loved it how much they helped us to put this whole trip together, and I have been so blessed by them!
Now I am at a ministry called Doors. They started out being 2 freshly-graduated from college taking in boys off the street. But now they actually have a house, they have 5 kids that go to day school and come home in the evenings and weekends, and 5 kids that go to boarding school. they also took over a school nearby(ish) and run that, they do medical every so often and give vitamins and medicine, and they have a jewelry ministry. We moved in yesterday, and ever since then, I have been so blessed to sit and listen to the 5 out of 7 ladies who live here telling stories, speaking wisdom and showing a love and a passion that I beg God to help me have too. And they most certainly do not live like most Americans do.

So this morning I felt like I woke up to Uganda. I praised Jesus as I heard Luganda being spoken outside and awkward squawks I didn't know birds could make, and I praised Him as I opened my eyes to a canopy of mosquito netting protecting me from all the mosquitos and the flies. I praised Him as I got up, changed, and went to the living room where I found everyone sitting and drinking coffee and reading their Bibles. I praised Jesus as we did a work out called "Insanity" and I praised Him as I found out that the work out was indeed insane and I praised Jesus as all of me felt like a noodle as I rinsed off in the shower before heading to the school. I praised Jesus for the hilariously awkward helmet I must wear as I ride the bodas (motorcycles) and I praised Him for the fear I had that caused me to hold on a little tighter as I was absolutely convinced we would for sure hit a wheel-barrel stopped on the side of the road or be squished like a bug because we were trying to fit in too-tight of spaces. I PRAISED Jesus when we finally got off and wen I knew that He was giving me another chance to live because He spared me of the terrifying boda.
I praised Him as we walked inside and was welcomed by a million black eyes and dark faces that were staring back at us instead of paying attention to their teachers. I praised Jesus as I was able to whisper His name as I applied cream to 50 heads of ring worm and as I cleaned out and bandaged up 4 wounds. I praised Him as I tried to help a little girl Dorrin learn how to write the letters "a," "b," and "c." I praised Jesus for chalk boards to write on, for still-holding together benches of which to sit on, tables to put books on, teachers to teach, cooks to cook, and His love and presence as He makes all of it happen. I praised Him as we walked under the scorching sun to a Mexicans restaurant called, "The little donkey" (yes, it was English, it wasn't even "El burrito" in Spanish) that seemed to be about 100 miles away from the school(totally exaggerating). I praised Jesus as we got back and I got to sit in the back of the class as Mallory was teaching English to some of the mothers of the children who attend the school. And I was praising Him as He helped the boda driver not to kill us on the way home (somehow the 2nd boda ride was even scarier than the first).

I am SO thankful for my Jesus and for all that He has done for me and all that He has done for these people here. It is such a HUGE privilege to be here and to praise my Jesus with the other missionary girls who live here and with all the Ugandans we have been working with. He is ALWAYS faithful. And I invite Him and I pray that He will keep filling me with His love and mercy and hope and faith and that He will do the same to those who are here too. Come, Lord Jesus, come!