I sit on the kitchen floor, journal open, scribbling thoughts and prayers to the One I call God, Savior, Best Friend. The wind blows in and chills my skin and so does the thought of Him dying for me. I flip through a few years of prayers, of written thoughts to Him and I ask myself, has He really brought me through ALL of this?

I remember selling and giving away most of what I had and radically following Him into the unknown with my family, trusting that He would bring all the pieces together.
I remember heartache and frustration that I could be led astray, trusting in worldly things instead of trusting my Jesus.
I remember scribbled-out messages to my biological mother, words masking the hurt I've worn all these years and trusting Him and begging Him to help me forgive.. and I remember learning forgiveness at a level I've never known before or ever thought possible.
I remember a trip taken to the place I'm called to, to the place I fell in love with, everything planned and set in HIS timing and no one else's.. and I remember peace, awe, humility, love, and hope learned and burned more into my heart than ever before.
I remember a phone call to my biological father, telling the truth of what I've felt all these years, and tears when words of forgiveness were asked and when whispered forgiveness was given in return.
I remember changed plans and changed directions taking me places I never even wanted to go in the first place and I remember His faithfulness in planning it all out.. and I remember brokenness and humility and faithfulness learned at a whole new level, leaving me at a place that can only trust HIS good and perfect plan, even though fears come and I don't know how I'm going to get through this.

He has led me through the unknown, He has provided when I had no idea where it would come from, He has shown faithfulness even when I fail Him, He has extended grace even when I didn't deserve that back a long time ago, He has shown mercy and compassion even for a wretch like me. Why? Because He is GOD and because He is GOOD all the time.

When I stop and think about that day that He was killed, nothing I could even imagine can compare to what it really was like. I saw The Passion of the Christ a few times and even with as realistic as that was, I'm sure it doesn't even compare to what really happened. To see my Jesus, my King, my everything slaughtered like that could never be re-captured or recreated. Something like that could never be done again. And to think that I did that to Him. To think that I am the one who nailed Him to that cross, I am the one who hurled insults at Him, I am the one who betrayed Him.. it breaks me. How could I ever do that to Him? And how could I continue doing it every day?

Thankfulness rushes over me. Why would He choose ME to love, to forgive, to give grace to, to be faithful to? Why would He choose me to be so good all the time to, when I am less than that in return? I have no answer simply because I can't really understand it myself. But even when I don't understand, I give thanks. I praise my Jesus because He gave His all for me. I praise Him because of His sacrifice, because of His love, because of His grace that holds me together.


I wake up everyday, filling out my 1,000 gifts list and I'm amazed at how it's changing me. I started reading the book called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp a while ago and never fully finished it through. I decided to pick it back up again from the beginning last week and I'll work hard to make sure I finish it before I leave. She encourages writing a list of 1,000 things that you thank God for--not only just write to fill up pages, but to truly sit and be thankful for it and to bask in awe of the Creator who gave it to you. Could be simple things, obvious things, circumstances you don't understand, or even little things that you never would've noticed in your normal day-to-day life. Of any gift I could ever think of, none can compare to the gift of the cross. The beautiful, ugly, frightening, freeing, wonderful cross on which my Jesus died for me.

The sacrifices I make for Him could never, ever come close to comparing to the sacrifice He made for me. He have His ALL for me, so I will try to give Him nothing less than my all in thankfulness in return, even when I don't understand and no matter how scary it seems to be. He is worth it, He deserves it, and it's the least I can do to show my gratitude to Him.

And while He teaches me of His love, faithfulness, hope, grace, wisdom, and perseverance, I pray that He will help share with others as well. Others should know of His love, of His great sacrifice that He made for them too.

Don't forget what your wonderful Jesus did for you. Don't forget how beautiful the cross was and don't forget to thank Him for it. Take it to all the corners of the world with me, share His love and forgiveness so that the whole world can hear about it too.

The miracle of the moment

[This post was written a few days ago]

I think I spend most of my time living in any moment but the present. I think about the past, conversations I had, people I knew, my favorite life experiences, my most hated life experiences. I think of what will happen in the following day, in the next 2 days, or next months, the goal I'm pushing toward, or wishing I was at that goal already. I think about how I'm going to miss my family, Guatemalan life, being involved in ministry, having life so 'simple'. I beg God to help heal me of my wounds from the past, I seek Him and ask Him to provide for my future, to be everything I'll need Him to be while I'm following Him to the unknown.
But when do I live life right now? When do I stop and smell the roses, slow down, take time to embrace who I am right now, what's going on in life right now? It's ironic to stop and think about.

Tonight God showed me how to live life right now, on March 18th, 2013.

I live in a household of 11. I have 5 younger siblings. The Fulp household on a normal basis is pretty loud, crazy, a bit overwhelming, and absolutely beautiful. But even as beautiful as it is, there are those times where you just need a moment of quiet, of calm, of solitude.. And there are only a few paces you can go to actually get that peace and quiet.. And let me just say, the living room isn't one of them.

For some crazy reason, I decided to pick the living room to read my book this evening. "Really?" you might ask. Well, to my defense, no one was in there at the time..
I turn on the lamp (the sun had already disappeared for the night), I sit lop-sided on the chair, open my book to the place I had previously left off, read the first paragraph, and 3 children run through the room, definitely putting to use the healthy set of lungs God gave them. They were making as much noise as they possibly could and at first, annoyance started to build in me. But soon after, I realized. For one thing, that's what I get for picking the most central spot in the house to read my book. I also realized that soon I am going to be miles and miles away from home, missing those piercing squeals and contagious giggles. They are gifts that God gave me, gifts that are irreplaceable and so very precious. I'm going to wish I had those incredible people there to distract me from my book, causing me to re-read the same sentence a million times before I just give up and join in their fun. How much longer will I have to see them as young people, still so innocent and not yet fully knowing of the evil that goes on around them? How much longer will I have to hold them, to kiss them, to be absolutely CRAZY with them, to stroke their cheeks and tell them they're beautiful and I am proud of them? How much longer will I have to be their big sister, to teach them about Jesus, to be the best example I can be, to love them with His burning passion in me? My days with them are numbered and I wish so badly that the number could be bigger.
So I sat with a smile on my face, praising Jesus for the giggles and squeals, for their loud interruption, for their beautiful kid-hearts. I played Phase 10 for longer than I had originally bargained for, and I spent time just hanging out and laughing instead of cleaning my messy room (I know there is a time to do so and I will soon), instead of reading my Bible early so I wouldn't go to bed late; instead of missing it. They are my family, my home, my everything.. I can't give that up and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

So here I am, writing this too late, still having yet to read my Bible before I close my eyes for the night, but it was worth it. I didn't miss the right now. I didn't miss today. I didn't miss the miracle of the moment.

Tomorrow? I have no idea what tomorrow holds. We'll see how it turns out. Taking it one step at a time..

I can't believe it's been a whole month since I've posted last. In so many ways this last month has flown by and I'm sitting here wishing I had gotten a better grasp on it as it went by. And yet again it has gone by so slowly that I feel like it might not ever end (exaggerating, I know). The reasons why I haven't posted certainly aren't good enough to actually be called excuses. I have been trying to fit in ministry, family time and God time in these last few months I have here.. and I have been busy with trying all I can in my tiny human power to make all these crazy plans of me going back to the states. And I, personally, have failed thus far. I'm Teisha, I'm human, I'm far from perfect, I'm powerless. I can't do this on my own, what was I thinking?

You see, sometimes I get it in my head that I need to draw charts and maps and explain and lay everything out for God to know how my life should pan out. I know what I want and I think I need to make sure God knows how to get me there. But then God does a funny thing where I'm pretty sure He laughs at me and then sends me in the opposite direction just so that He can teach me humility, trust, love, and faithfulness.. and because He has a greater purpose in mind than I do, a plan that will ultimately bring Him the most glory possible.

Truth is, I don't want to go back to the states. I mean, I do because this is what He has called me to and so I  know that He will carry me through, He'll teach me, and He'll use it to further His Kingdom. And also because I'll get to see my friends and family that I haven't seen in such a very long time! But I don't want to because going back to the states means comfort, it means everything I want right at my fingertips, it means me going to the place where I was who I now have come to hate. God has shown me so much over the last two years since we've been in Guatemala and I'm afraid that being in my old setting, in my old "home" I'll go back to being who I was. I don't want to conform, to go with the flow, to be like everyone else, to blend into the background. I want to be that shining city on the hill, the one who's sold out for Jesus, the one who will stick out like a sore thumb(in a good way, though), the one who goes against the flow, to be like my Jesus like I'm supposed to be. But what if I trade Him in for the ugly, insignificant, cheap ways of this world? What if I betray Him like Peter did just before Jesus gave His life for him?

I also am scared of leaving my family and branching out and being on my own. I lean so much on my sisters, on my parents-sometimes it can be a good thing, but I think now I'm to the point where it's becoming a not-so-good-thing. They're my best friends, my family, the ones who put up with me when I mess up, the ones who hold me when I'm falling apart, the ones who cheer me up when I'm down, the ones who encourage me to radically follow after my Jesus, they are my home. 

Though I can convince myself that these reasons are good, real, legit reasons as to why I have a right to be afraid, they most certainly are not. Perfect love drives out fear. Fear is when I'm in love with myself more than my Jesus. Fear is when I'm not trusting when I can't see. There is never ever room to be fearful when doing what God has called you to do where He has called you to do it. He calls us to close our eyes and take the leap of faith, no matter how scary it is, because He will always be there to catch us. He promises to be everything we need Him to be and He promises to provide everything we need to bring Him glory, to further His Kingdom. That is what this whole life is about.

So while I doubt and while I fear, God keeps reminding me to rejoice in the pain, to laugh in the face of what seems like danger to me. He is all I need, so why should anything else matter? If I'm sticking closely to Him, if I'm falling more in love with Him, if I run into His arms instead of the arms of worldly comfort, I shouldn't have to fear conformity. He will keep radically changing my heart to make it more like His when I'm following in His footsteps. And though leaving my family seems scary to me and though I don't want to give them up, He'll be my best friend, the One to put up with me when I mess up, the One to hold me when I'm falling apart, the One who cheers me up when I'm down, the One who draws me closer and closer to Himself. And He will be my home. I can rejoice with SO much joy and gladness in my heart and I can rest in this.

And so while HE brings all of these loose ends together and while He plans out every detail that I couldn't even possibly think of, I sit in awe and I watch. It only falls apart when I try to do it myself. But once I sit back and watch Him do His miracles, peace rushes over, awe leaves me speechless, love grows deeper in my heart, and hope and assurance in Him as my King gives me perseverance. I can't do this on my own, so when He brings me through, when He's doing His God-thing, I can know at the end of it all that none of the glory can go to myself because I did nothing on my own. HE is the One who made it all happen, who made it all work. HE is the One who is to be praised all the time, everyday. HE is my Jesus, my Savior, my King and to Him alone forever I will sing!