Today, I have had the wonderful opportunity of spending my day with a beautiful young lady that will now be staying with us for the next couple days. I must admit, it wasn't the way I had origionally planned to spend my day, but if I had the choice, I wouldn't have spent it any other way.
She has come to our home because she is an orphan. We had gotten the call yesterday that she was in need of a new place to stay because things at the other place she was previously living "didn't work out." I don't know what that means, and I'm not sure I want to know... whether it was her fault or not. She is 23 years old, but due to some mental handicaps, sometimes she seems like a 13 or 14 year old or sometimes younger.. I'm not completely sure about her whole story and to be completely honest, I don't think I'd want to know the whole thing. I know that she has spent some years in a state-run institution (which I could never imagine what that was like because anything run by Guatemala is a nightmare..) and she's been bounced around from home to home. And by talking with her a little, she told me that both of her parents died and she has no siblings. So according to her, she's "libre" or "free".
Quite ironically, I have begun to read the book Kisses From Katie, by Katie Davis. It's the story of a 22 year old girl who literally gave everything to move to Uganda to serve and love the people there in any way she can. And she talks about how you can't change the world with just one big act, with one big thing. You can't radically change and truly share God's love to a country, a state, a city, a village, or even a family effectively by simply doing one great act to help out and calling it good. You change it one person at a time. It takes lots of time and effort. It takes "stopping for the one", stooping down to the need in front of you and tending to it until it gets better.
Just as I was reading this chapter, I found out the phone had just rung and there was a girl from our church who we hardly knew that was in need of a place to stay for a few days.. I stopped. I have always wanted to be one of the "biological kids" that is there to help the kid in need. Since I myself had been in foster care, I have always wanted to play the part in helping the in-coming person instead of being the kid coming in. It meant so much to me to have such a beautiful family there to open their arms for me in my need. I've always wanted to be there for someone else in theirs. And I know that we're not necessarily her foster family at this point, but at least for a couple nights it's basically the same. We ended up agreeing to keeping her for a few days, until they can find somewhere more perminant for her.
And it dawned on me. She has nothing of her own. She has never known what it means to have a home, to have a family. She has never had a place to call hers, she has never known what it means to belong. And I felt as if my heart had broken in two. And it immediately made me think of my own situation..
Why was I chosen to have the family? Why do I get the one with the happy home, with a place I can call mine? What did I do to deserve all this? Why does my story look so much happier than hers? Sometimes when I think about it, I feel so guilty. I KNOW that I don't deserve all that God has given me. I KNOW that I am no better than the one feeling lost and insecure. And I start to feel guilty because most of the time I take my family for granted. Most of the time I forget to think of how things could be way different for me if God hadn't given me such a wonderful and beautiful gift. My heart felt broken when I thought about how I get the luxury of having a family and she doesn't.
And even today, as I walked with her to go get ice cream at the Sarita, as I looked into her beautiful dark brown eyes and saw her big, white smile, while we were playing UNO on the roof, I hurt for her. I saw the hurt that she has carried with her all these years. I saw all the beauty that she is, even though others may tell you differently. I looked into her eyes, and I got the amazing and beautiful priviledge of seeing Jesus. And even while we were coloring, or when she was so proud to be able to tell me how to spell her name even though she can't read, when she smiled at me and just gave me a long, lasting hug, I felt as if I was looking into the beautiful face of my Jesus and embracing Him in my arms as I hugged her. And I was and am so blessed.
You see, to God, Blanca is so important. He doesn't look at her and see that she is an orphan and has no where to call her own. He looks at her and sees her for the beautiful young woman that He created. He sees her as the one He died for on the cross. You see, to Him, she was worth it. To Him, she is no different than me or you. She is every bit as beautiful to Him as you and I are. His heart breaks every time it "doesn't work out" at the place she's staying. His heart hurts every time she feels alone and scared and unimportant. He knows exactly how she feels when she falls asleep at yet another place that she can't call her own. He KNOWS the hurt she deals with when she feels lost and alone. Because like I said, she is HIS. She is His beautiful creation and He hurts every time she does.
And for this very reason, I feel guilty. I am no more special than she is. I am no more important than she is. I don't deserve all that God has given me any more than her.
But that's WHY He chose me. Because I'm not special. Because I don't mean more to Him than she does. If for nothing else, it was to have the understanding and hurt that I did for her today. I would go through it all again, even if it just meant to understand her, to be there for her in her hard time, to show her the love of Jesus. Because I know what it's like to feel like I don't belong. I know what it's like to have to stay in a place unfamiliar to you. I don't know it to the extent she does, not nearly to that extent, but I do a little. And I got to share my story with her. And how God helped me through it, each step of the way. Without His help, I would not be where I am today. All the glory is His. And I can confide in Him for my future because He has taken care of me all these years.
And though I couldn't promise her a family like mine, though I couldn't say that she will ever find a perminant place, I did tell her about His love for her. And even though she may feel alone and scared, He is ALWAYS with her. No matter what she's going through. He has always been looking out for her, and He will be with her each step she takes in her future. Because He loves her.
That's why He chose me; so that way He can get all the glory, that way I can't take any credit for myself, so that I could be there for her in her moment in need as He was with me in mine. I can help bring hope to her and to others who feel as if there is none.
I wish I could take away all the pain and hurt she carries with her. I wish I could tell her that everything will work out and that she will find a home. I wish I could tell her that my home is a place she can call hers. I wish I could say that we can be the family that she so desperately longs for. But I can't. And it hurts that I can't. I wish I could change all of this, but I can't. Because I am only Teisha. And I don't know what is God's Will at this point.
So even though I hurt for her, though tonight she will go to sleep in yet another place she can't call her own, with people she can't call her family, I trust in Him. I trust that He has a purpose for all of this. I trust that His Will will be done in her. And I trust that He will be with her to calm her heart, to dry her tears, and to hold her tight because she is His. His love, patience, and mercy NEVER run out. He will always be all that she needs Him to be, never anything less.
So for today, I stooped down and helped the one. I was the help when there was need. And I plan on doing the same for many, many others. Because "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." -Luke 12:48. God has blessed me with a wonderful home and family, so it is my responsibility to help others who don't. I am to be Jesus to those people who need to feel His love, even if it means to physically give them a hug.
Today I was who God asked me to be. I may forget in a couple months, a couple weeks, or maybe even tomorrow. But tonight, I praise Him for how good He is. I praise Him because I know that His works are good. Always. I thank Him for everything I have because there is no way I could ever deserve it! I praise Him and thank Him for giving me such a wonderful opportunity as loving on such a beautiful young lady. I thank Him because He is good, even when it doesn't feel like it. He always has a purpose for everything, I just have to have patience and trust that He knows what He's doing..
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