A post written Wednesday, April 24th

I sit in a very full airplane, over a sea of black and silhouettes of clouds are painted across the sea. The wing blinks bright red, red for all to see. My eyes try to close because of the exhaustion of the journey so far, but they can't sleep because of the thoughts running through my mind and the sounds in my ears (two little girls and one little boy sit behind me, asking their parents countless silly questions and their feet press through my seat). I look down and see the sparkling of city, of life on ground and though I'm not down there, I can't help but feel like a stranger. Tears fill my eyes in remembering the last embrace of my sweet mommy and daddy and whispered words, 'I love you' and my heart aches and my throat knots. Can I really do this?
I look up and just before my eyes is the ever-present shining moon; this time it's full. Sometimes you can only see half of it, sometimes whole, sometimes that little toenail hanging there, and sometimes you can't see it at all. Though you can't see it amongst the dark night, amongst all the other shining stars that try to fool you, it's always there and you have to trust that it will always be there--it has thus far, right?
I sit with my palms up, hands wide open to the sky, ready to receive whatever my Creator has for me, whether it's good, bad, hard, or easy because no matter what, it's always a gift from Him, it's always going to turn out for the best. I look out at that moon and it reminds me of the One who's always been there. Sometimes I can't see Him, sometimes I can see half of Him, and sometimes I just see that sliver of a glimpse. Tonight I see Him whole, all of who He has been for me and to me all these years, the faithfulness He's proven to me, the love He's proven over and over, and I try to hold on as tight as I can. He is the One who has brought me here, He is the One holding me now that I've jumped into what He has for me, and I know He is going to be the One who holds me in future steps I take. I see the other stars around me and I'm not fooled, I look to the One who shines brighter than anyone else and I pray that I won't be fooled when I can't see Him whole and when the stars seem to shine brighter than Him.
Truth is, no matter how hard I try, I really, really can't do this. I'm Teisha, the one who messes up all the time, the one who has no idea what I'm doing, the one who is helpless, and that's how it's supposed to be. He is greater than I, the One in control. He becomes greater, I become less. And He promises, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I'm not supposed to have it all figured out, I'm not supposed to be the one doing it anyways, I'm not supposed to have a clue. Then, while I have no idea, while I make mistakes, it proves that all of what is accomplished is not because of me; I can't receive any of the glory. When miracles are being done (the big ones and the small ones), none of the credit or glory is mine, it is His and His alone and that way the whole world can see.
I look back out at the window to see the moon shining bright, to see Him shining bright, and I hope that by being reassured of His faithfulness maybe my eyes will close and catch a wink of sleep (and I hope that the little eyes behind me will catch a wink too ;) ). And I'll keep my hands open because this gift He is giving me is beautiful and it's going to be good and I just need to rest in that and trust Him with the rest!