Soon after baby Jesus was born, Mary and Joseph went to the temple to consecrate Him to the Lord and to offer a sacrifice. And that is where this story begins..

Now there was a man in Jerusalem called Simeon, who was righteous and devout. He was waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was upon him. It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord's Christ. Moved by the Spirit, he went into the temple courts. When the parents brought in the child Jesus to do for him that the custom of the Law required, Simeon took him into his arms and praised God, saying:
"Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you now dismiss your servant in peace.
For my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the sight of all people, a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel." -Luke 2:25-32

Every Christmas morning, my family gets up and before we open presents, Daddy always reads us the story of Simeon. Every Christmas morning I look forward to hearing Simeon's story. Simeon is Daddy's favorite character in the Bible, and as a result has become one of my favorites as well.
Simeon was a man of God and he was so committed to God that the Holy Spirit was upon him. And because of his faithfulness, God promised him that he would not die until he saw baby Jesus.
We don't know much about Simeon.. we only know what is told in the short story in Luke. We don't know when the Holy Spirit revealed to him that he would see the Messiah before he did, we don't know his personal life, we don't know what he was like as a person. But I imagine that every morning after he knew he would see Jesus before he died, he probably woke up with anticipation, asking God if that was THE day. I can imagine that he probably always had his eyes out for THE One.
Because of his faithfulness, because the Holy Spirit was upon him, he went into the temple. Did he know what was going to happen that morning when he woke up? Did God tell him that this was going to be the day that he would see his Jesus? Or did he wake up that morning and feel led to go to the temple and was greeted by a beautiful and amazing surprise? The Bible doesn't say. It only says, "Moved by the Spirit, he went into the temple courts."
And when Mary, Joseph, and Jesus arrived at the temple, was there a certain glow about them? Did they stand out from the crowd? Or did they look like everyone else there, but God just whispered to Simeon that that baby was the Messiah? We don't know all the details, we don't know how it all happened. But we do know that Simeon did as God asked of him, so he got to see the face of the One he had been waiting for. He was blessed with such a precious gift that very first Christmas.
But I can't help but think about what would have happened if Simeon hadn't gone into the temple that day. What would he have risked if he just never got out of bed that morning because he just didn't feel like it? What would've happened if he had missed Mary, Joseph, and Jesus that day? Would he have seen them another day? Would he have passed them in the streets another time? ..Or could he have missed his opportunity forever?
And what if Mary told the angel that she didn't want to have this Son of God the angel talked about? What if she was so scared about what others may think of her and treat her and as a result gave up the opportunity to bring Jesus into this world?
What if Joseph would've still chosen to divorce Mary as he had planned to do because he too was scared of what people may do or say?
What if Abraham told God he didn't want to pack up and move out to this unknown land he was headed? What if he had chosen his comfort and his pride over God's call? ...and what if he had just refused to offer Isaac because of his fear of failure on God's part? What if he had not had the faith to put Isaac on the alter as God had instructed him to? Would God still have blessed him in the way He promised He would? Or would Abraham have just missed it completely?
The list could just go on and on...

I think about (and maybe others do too..) and question all these things about them because they changed the history of the world. They were the ones written about for all to read about and to learn from. But why don't we question the very same things of ourselves?
We (well, at least I..) expect so much of them, but not much of myself. We (or I..) read those stories and think well, of course they did that because that was the right thing to do and it was what God was telling them to do. But.. why don't I expect that much from myself?
I go through everyday, trying to do "my best" for God. I try to do ask He asks me to, even when it's hard. I try to live to please Him and to please others. I try to "do good" in what I do. But is that enough? Is that all that I should be expecting of myself?
No, it is not.
I should expect more from myself. Because if I don't trust Him and follow Him in the little things every day, how am I to expect Him to do big things through me in the future?
Tonight in family devotions, Daddy pulled out his guitar and we sang the words:
"How great is our God. Sing with me how great is our God and all will see how great, how great is our God." -How Great Is Our God.
Am I truly singing about how Great our God is in everything I do? Am I doing everything I do in His love? Am I living every moment for Him?
Because if I'm not living every moment for Him, will I miss seeing my Jesus? Will I give up having God's Son for my own comforts and pride? Will I miss what God has for me in the future because I'm living for me? Will I give in to whatever I think will make me happiest at the moment instead of surrendering to Him and letting Him have His way in me?
Am I willing to let down all those people in Africa who are desperately needing my help, even though right now I may not know them or know how to help them? Am I willing to risk failing my future children and (if it's God's Will) my future husband? Am I willing to risk it all just for the comfort and pride of me?
If someone was to ever ask me this question, I would no doubt tell them no! I would without hesitation tell them that I could never do that to anyone and that I would never do that to anyone. But they say that actions speak louder than words, right?
In all honesty, I have not lived this way. I have not given every moment to Him. I have not surrendered to His Will for me in certain areas of my life, and as a result haven't been moving toward His plan for my future. Somedays I remember and live it for Him. Somedays I feel filled with His grace and love and have faith and hope in what is to come. But there are other days that I live for me. There are other days where I choose my own comfort. And though it really hurts to say, somedays I choose to fail everyone who is/will be counting on me in the future.
So the question I leave for all of you (and for myself) is: Are you willing to walk right past your Jesus and fail His plan for your future? Or are you going to walk hand-in-hand with God every moment as He leads you to your "Jesus"?
I cannot and will not deny the truth that I will fail Him. I will have times where I choose me instead of choosing Him. I know that I won't be able to get it perfect because I know that I am not perfect. But I am going to expect more of myself. I am going to try to live every moment for Him so I won't miss what He has for me. I will try to live in the here and now to not miss a single moment in His arms..

"Oh, tragedy has taken so many
Love lost 'cause they all forgot who You were
And it scarfes me to think that I would choose my life over You
Oh, my selfish heart divides me from You, it tears us apart
So tell me, what is our ending?
Will it be beautiful, so beautiful?
Oh, why do I let myself let go
Of hands that painted the stars and holds tears that fall
And the pride of my heart makes me forget
It's not me but You who makes the heart beat
I'm lost without You, You're dying for me
So tell me, what is our ending?
Will it be beautiful, so beautiful
Will my life find me by Your side?
Your love is beautiful, so beautiful
At the end of it all, I wanna be in Your arms..."
-Beautiful Ending, by BarlowGirl

The Beauty of Autumn

This last month has been a pretty hard one for me. My emotions have been up and down.. somedays I feel wonderful, filled with God's love and His grace. But then there are others that I don't feel anything. Sometimes I'm so stuck on what I want and desire that I loose my focus. I fix my eyes on things here, on Earth, instead of keeping them on my amazing God who is trying to teach me.
I've been struggling because I have been fixed on myself. I know that God has called me to Africa.. I KNOW that I have to go. I know that He is calling me to do incredible work in my future. But I've been fixed on what I want and can't have as opposed to what I will have and what He will give me in the future. I am scared to death of leaving my family. I am so scared to live on my own. I'm so scared of being alone. And I don't want to leave Guatemala. It is the most beautiful place I've ever been, and it's hard imagining that someday in the not-too-distant future I'll have to leave it.
I haven't wanted to persue my goals of going to Uganda. I haven't wanted to look into ministries that I can help out with. I haven't wanted to focus on anything but myself. I know that is wrong. Last night, God really showed me how wrong that was.
To be a disciple of Jesus Christ, we are to fix our eyes on our God, and do whatever He asks of us, no matter the cost to ourselves. Because to be a disciple, God tells us that we need to give EVERYTHING we are and  have to Him and we need to follow wherever He leads us.

And though I haven't remembered this in recent weeks, God has continued to teach me farther still. Last night I got the priviledge of talking to one of my best friends in the whole world that lives back in the states. I told him that I was having a hard time.. and that I didn't need to talk about it necessarily, but I just needed some encouragement and happiness that he never fails to bring me. He told me he would do his best at making good "small talk." Ha. He is one of the wisest and happiest people I know (especially considering his age..) and he helped me to see this beautiful analogy (pun intended):
"Its Autumn here as you know, and the leaves are changing. In our back yard we have a tree by the fence by the neighbors yard. With the leaves turned orange they fell and made a pile. Even though the tree, (which is truly goregous btw) lost most of all its leaves, it's still a tree. (a duh moment but bare with me.) Every tree (evergreens excluded) loses its leaves for a time and for a time it is pretty.
In its time it is beautiful.
But it is always a tree and loses none of its "treeness" value, purpose, or identity.
we all have our autumns
When the Beauty, or wonder leaves us (no pun intended) for a time of nakednesss and lifelessness.
The joy comes with the morning..."

What hope this brought to me! Even though I have been fixiated on my own wants and desires and the hard time I was going through, it'll only be for a season. Maybe my life at this very moment isn't as beautiful-seeming as the time before or the time to come, but there is still hope that it will be beautiful again.

And God continued to take it a step farther this morning while reading my Bible..
Like I said, God calls us to be HIS disciples, to give HIM everything we have and are.. because only then, when we're completely and fully surrendered to HIM, can we truly do what He has called and is calling us to do.
And sometimes we get caught up on what we want, what we think is best for us and we forget that HE knows what is best for us. And we keep adding all kinds of leaves ourselves and our tree gets more full of our own leaves than HIS. And then is when HE has to strip us of our leaves. When He has to strip us to the very core until we are stripped of all of what we want. Because HE can't add HIS leaves to our lives until we are stripped of our own. Only when we are completely broken of who we are, only when we have nothing left to hold onto except HIS saving hand can we really grow to be the men and women of GOD He calls us to be.
And sometimes it takes longer for us to strip of our own leaves than others.. because we may have some that we try to hold onto tighter than others.. But it is only by HIS saving grace that we can let go of those leaves and cling to HIS.
And it is only when we let go of our own little worlds that we can look around beyond ourselves and see the needs of others. Only when we are stripped of our pride can we look to others and truly see the real needs.
I've been so selfish and stuck in my own little world, that I have failed to see the need around me. I have failed to remember that I have it off so much better than others, and that God has blessed me with SO MUCH!
But last night God woke me up and told me to stop being so selfish. He showed me this picture, and I remembered what really matters in life.

And the caption read: "It is important to be reminded that our wants are much less important than our needs and the needs of others.."

It helped me to remember that my wants and desires are sooo much smaller than the needs of others. It helped me to be able to put things in perspective. God has blessed me with so much that I may be able to help others.
Luke 12:48 says, "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."
I am to give up who I want to be, so I can become who HE wants me to be. I am to give up everything that I want so I can cling to HIS perfect plan for me. I am to fix my eyes on HIM so HE can show me what really matters in this life that HE has given me. I am to live outside of my own little world. I am to give my desires to HIM because what I am losing doesn't even compare to what I will be gaining in the grand scheme of things.
Hebrews 12:1-3 says, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
Though right now may be a season of no leaves, soon God will fill me with new leaves that will be more beautiful than anything I could ever imagine or dream. He is truly GOOD in ALL that HE does. HE never, EVER fails.

So while I'm still not sure what all God's gonna do in my life when I get to Uganda, I trust that He is good. I am seeking HIM with all that I am that He may show me what I should do. I am emptying myself of me and filling myself with HIM. Because it is only when I am completely, utterly, undoubtably, unmistakenly, and wholly HIS that I can be all who HE is calling me to be.

A post from yesterday..

Today, I had the wonderful opportunity of accompanying Dick, Daryl (my Dad), Taryn, and Gerardo (our translator) to visit Escuintla and Las Palmas. We visted and were able to help more people than I imagined we would! Our day went a little something like this...

After departing at roughly 9:30 this morning, we headed off for Walter's house (a six year-old boy who is just about as cute as they get!) He has an appointment at Hermano Pedro Hospital in Antigua tomorrow, and we went to educate his mother all that would mean as far as what time to get there and what to expect. We also provided her with the money to take the chicken bus into Antigua along with money for the appointment itself. Please pray that all will go well with his appointment tomorrow and they will be able to take care of all that is needed!

Second stop was David's house.. We got there to invite him to camp and also to see when his graduation will take place... which is a pretty big deal! It was a privilege to get to meet his family! :)

Third stop was down the road to visit an elderly woman, Pilar, who is 85 years old and who is struggling from malnutrition. I can honestly say that I've never seen a person that skinny in person before... We checked in to make sure she was drinking the Insure we provided her a little while ago and to make sure she was drinking plenty of water. We found out that she was only taking about half the Insure she should be taking and that she hardly drinks water... She prefers coffee. But Dad explained to her (with the help of Gerardo) that she needs to be taking more Insure and she needs to be drinking lots more water for 2 reasons. First that she will start to feel better physically and gain some weight and be healthier altogether. And Secondly, she'll gain the energy she'll need to meet some new, cute men. ;)
And while we were there with Pilar, we met a little boy who is 4 years old and who has struggled with fevers, breathing, and just lack of energy his whole life. His big brown eyes and his sad little face broke my heart! But we were able to set up a time for them to go to Antigua to Hermano Pedro next week to get him checked out.. Prayer would also be greatly appreciated that all will go well with his appointment!

On our fourth visit, we saw a man named Ponsiano. We were pleased to see that his father had built him some parallel bars.. that he can hold on to to hopefully Work on his walking! It was very encouraging to see his famly step up and try to help him in his need! It was kind of rough, but it didn't matter because the excitement in his eyes and the smile on his face made up for it! Hopefully with time and more practice, he'll get much better at it :)

The fifth place was across the street from Ponsiano's house, where we visited an elderly couple, Pedro and Victoria. Being as old as they are, they were previously advised to drink about 6 cups of water a day because they were dehydrated... and they could use all the energy the could get. They're now up to drinking 3 cups of water a day... that's progress, right?

Sixth stop was a few doors down to Reyna's house, an elderly woman who was also having dehydration issues. We stopped there for just a few minutes to make sure she was drinking all that was suggested to her (and of course she wasn't... but she's drinking more water than she was before..) But even though we coulnd't stay for long, the smile on her face when we walked in told me that it was worth it anyways. :)

After Reyna's, we went to Carlos' house to drop off a few camp forms... one for himself and two others that he would give to his friends... And after Carlos, we went to Maria's house to also drop off a camp form. She's 23 and has sever spastic Cerebral Paulsy. She lights up the whole room with her beautiful smile!

The last stop was Jorge's house.. We didn't think we'd have time to visit him because of the late hour, but we ended up going... and we're very thankful that God had us go.. We learned of a couple things that we had to confront about.... but thankfully, Dad, Dick, and Gerardo together showed them God's love and confronted...and forgave. God's hand was definitely with us while we were there..

I am so thankful that I could be a part of the ministry of Dick and Dad.. And I am thankful that I can learn how to better serve my Jesus with them. I would be very blessed if someday I could have half as much wisdom as they do...
So today was a long, but great day and I learned a lot! ..but most of all, God was glorified! And that's all that matters. :)

Today I sit here, in awe and I'm speachless in front of my amazing God. I don't understand why He has chosen me, and nor will I even try. Because I know that as hard as I may try, I will never understand. Not that He has chosen me to do anything great in this moment,  but I don't understand why I get to be a part of His great story. I don't understand why He gives me His love unconditionally and I don't understand how He could never give up on me. But I am thankful. I am thankful that no matter what I do, no matter what I struggle to give up, He is still there for me, waiting with open arms. He is there for me. Always. And I can't even fathom it. But like I said, I am thankful.

The last few months, I've struggled. I've struggled to let go of my own will, of what I want, and cling to His precious hand. I've struggled to hear His voice over the voice of the one who wants to destroy me. I wish I could say that I chose to listen His voice, but if I did, it wouldn't be true. The last few months, I listened to the lie of the enemy that I know what's best for me. I know what I need, I know what will ultimately make me happy. But like I said, that was just a big fat lie.

To this very moment, I'm struggling to hold on to His saving hand.. I'm struggling to remember that He knows what is best for me. I'm struggling to remember that He is good no matter what. I'm struggling to let go of my desires and cling to His..

I most definitely do not understand why God does the things that He does. I can't even imagine His great story that He has for me, for all of us... And sometimes it's really hard to see things from  His perspective, simply because He is far too complex and too big for my small, insignificant imagination.

But as I sit here, fighting myself to do what is what He wants me to do, I remember that He is good. He has never EVER failed me before. And He has promised me that He will never fail me in the future. Though all of this is happening now, and though it doesn't make sense to me, I can trust that He knows what He is doing.

A long time ago when I was a little girl, and I was ripped away from my biological family's arms and placed into a stranger's home, I never could've imagined why God would do such a thing to me... I know I didn't yet have a relationship with Him at the time, I still didn't understand all that was happening... But now that I can look back on it, now that it is all done and over, I can see that He knew what was best. I can see how His great hand held me through it all,  and I can see that that was the best thing that has ever happened to me.. even though at the time it felt like it was the most horrible thing that could ever happen.
So now when I look all around me, I feel like I know what is best for me. But (like always...) I am wrong. He knows what is good for me. He knows what will ultimately make me the happiest. He knows what will in the end bring Him the most glory. And that is all that matters. I must trust in His perfect, flawless plan because He knows what He is doing.

I know that it will only be a matter of time that I will forget all that I'm learning now... I will fail in trusting Him. But for now, I am trying to cling to His goodness, to what He has planned for me because I know that on my own, I am not enough. And while I'm trying to remember all this, I sit in His loving arms trying to find His peace, with my heart about to burst out of my chest. Closing my eyes because if I look around again at the mess I've made, I just might completely fall apart. I'm trying to trust Him to hold me together, because on my own, I can't do it because I am nothing.
So I ask for your prayers that I will trust in Him who never fails... and I will pray the same for all of you..

God's faithfulness

On Wednesday, our family drove to Mexico because it was our 6 month mark of being in Guatemala and we had to renew our visas. We stayed in Tapachula, Mexico in a Comfort Inn hotel. It was a blast! There was a pool and I think we swam like 5 times...

Friday came and it was time for us to come back home. Following our GPS, we found ourselves traveling a much different route than we had taken to get there... and because our GPS was our only means of getting back home, we just had to do exactly as she (her name was Rakel or Carla) told us to do. As we were driving, the roads got rougher, the people gave us wierder looks because not many cars at all drove back there...  And the more we drove, the closer time it came for it to start getting dark outside. As we were driving, you could hear each of us whispering prayers to God that He knew exactly what He was doing and asking Him that His will be done in all this.
Having never been so scared in my entire life, I was praying to God. My prayer went something like this.. "God, I know you are good and therefore what is going on right now is good. You have provided everything we needed to make this move to Guatemala, will you not provide for us now?" But then after re-thinking it over, I changed my prayer. "God, you are good no matter what. If you bring us back to safety, this will be a great story that we can tell to show how awesome and powerful You are. And it will give us all more faith in you. But if you choose for us not to make it out of here, You are still good. The move would've been worth it because we've already been able to minister to many people, we've made such great friends, and have grown in our faith in You. God, may Your will be done in this situation." But even though I prayed this prayer, I was still cared out of my mind.
After driving for some time, Dad rolled down his window to 2 men who were standing next to the road to ask where this road was leading to. They said it was only going to be a dead-end and we should retrace our steps back a while to get back to main civilization. As soon as they told us this discouraging news, I looked around to see my other family members' reactions... we all took deep breaths and immediately started praying more and more. We had been driving on these terrible roads having fears that the van would soon break down and we would have to stay in this town over night.. a van-full of gringos without any clue of where we were. All I wanted to do was cry, but having my little brother Joshua sitting next to me, constantly looking at me to try to figure out what all was going on, I held it in because I didn't want him to be as scared as I was. But we prayed and we prayed that God's will be done.

Having to drive back up the very steep mountain, it was starting to get a little dusky. And even with the van being as new as it was, couldn't haul all of us up one big hill, so the oldest girls and Mom had to get out, to see if it could make it. The hill being as steep as it was, the van just couldn't do it, so we had to push. While pushing, Brittney prayed out loud that God would give us the strength it would take to push the van up, and God was faithful and gave us the strength we needed.

Climbing back in the van, we stil continued to pray and trust that God knew exactly what He was doing. We finally made it to a road that actually had cars on it, and we all rejoiced to see other vehicles coming and going! We drove on until we came to a city called Quetzaltenango where we decided to stay the night and we would then finish the trip the next day. While thanking God for delivering us from literally the most terrifying moment in my life, we prayed that He would provide us a good, safe hotel to stay in for the night. After about an hour of driving around and passing hotels that we just didn't feel right about, we finally came across one that looked clean and safe. Dad parked the van and went to go check it out. It turned out that this hotel was Christian-run and was very cheap, yet clean and safe. We unloaded our things and tossed them into our rooms.

While Dad went out to park the van in the parking lot, I walked into my Mom and Dad's room and my Mom asked me if I was okay. I looked at her and just fell apart. Not because I was still scared, but because I had never had so many emotions running through me at one time. After just crying with her for a couple minutes, I was better. Not myself by any means, but better. When he finished parking, we all gather into one room and praised God for bringing us through. We talked about all the ways that God took care of us, even when things looked like they just kept getting worse and worse. We prayed and all went to our rooms to get some sleep before the rest of the trip that would take place the next day. But me, being the stupid worrywart that I can be sometimes, woke up numerous times from dreams that we were stuck in the village and couldn't get out. I prayed that God would give me the rest I desperately needed, and He did.

In the morning, when we set off for breakfast and the last leg of the trip, we got outside and were so relieved to see daylight. It was refreshing to know that we will have the sun to help us out on our way back home, because in the scariness of driving the previous day, the scariest parts were driven in the dark. We got on the main road and took it all the way back to Chimaltenango and Dad knew his way back from there. I can not tell you how good it felt to be back into cities that I reccognized. If felt so good to be home where I felt safe. (Oh, by the way, we changed the GPS's name to Cruella Deville..)
A couple days after this incredibly big story, I was sitting in our living room, doing my devotions. I don't know what God has for me in my future. I mean, I know that I'm supposed to go to Uganda and minister to the people there, but I have no idea how I'm supposed to get my training or how I'm supposed to get there. I was pouring my heart out to God and asking Him for direction. And I realized. While I was praying in the van, my prayer wasn't "God, please let Rakel to bring us to safety and let everything be good, and keep us safe." I prayed that God would tell her to lead us where He wanted us to go. I prayed that Rakel would pick the right roads for us to go on. And even though it seemed like she (well, God) was taking us on the wrong roads, God knew exactly where we were going. He picked the right roads for us to be on. He wanted us to have that experience for a reason, even if we could't see it then. But because of all that, I now have more faith in God. I always knew that He could do anything, but now it's written even more on my heart. From my personal experience, I saw God's hand at work. I saw Him bring us out of the most seemingly impossible situation. So even if we went through all of that for nothing else, but the fact that I have more faith in Him, it would've still been worth it. I trust Him more and can trust Him in the future when He leads me into the rural villages of Uganda. I can know that He is good no matter what and He will provide everything I will need when I need it.

So, if you ask me how our trip to Mexico went, I'd tell you a mixture of things. I'd say that the drive there and the stay there went very well and we had a blast, but the drive home was not the smoothest of drives and certainly helped me to grow in my faith...and it most definitely was not what I had expected... but I'm glad it all happened because God's hand was with us through it all.

Radical

Now that I've graduated, I find myself asking God more and more to show me what He wants for me in my future. I've been seeking Him in the little day-to-day things and asking Him what He wants me to do in the here and now... because if I'm doing what He wants me to do in the everyday kinds of things, I'll be making the decisions that He wants me to make for the future... if that makes any sense...

And since I've had more free time, I've started reading Radical by David Platt again. And it's been really good for me to see what God was saying through David Platt, because it's applying to my life right now... And as I was reading this morning, this section really popped out to me, so I thought I'd share it with all of you...

"Let's put ourselves in the shoes of thse eager followers of Jesus in the first century. What if I were the potential disciple being told to drop my nets? What if you were the man whom Jesus told to not even say good-bye to his family? What if we were told to hate our familes and give up everything we had in order to follow Jesus?
This is where we come face to face with a dangerous reality. We do have to give up everything we have to follow Jesus. We do have to love him in a way that makes our closest relationships in this world look like hate. And it is enitrely possible that he will tell us to sell everything we have and give it to the  poor.
But we don't want to believe it. We are afraid of what it might mean for our lives. So we rationalize these passages away. 'Jesus wouldn't really tell us not to bury our father or say good-bye to our family. Jesus didn't literally mean to sell all we have and give it to the poor. What Jesus really meant was...'
And this is where we need to pause. Because we are starting to redefine Christianity. We are giving in to the dangerous temptation to take the Jesus of the Bible and twist him into a version of Jesus we are more comfortable with.
A nice, middle-class, American Jesus. A Jesus who doesn't mind materialism and who would never call us to give away everything we have. A Jesus who would not expect us to forsake our closest relationships so that he receives all our affections. A Jesus who is fine with nominal devotion that does not infringe on our comforts, because, after all, he loves us just the way we are. A Jesus who wants us to be balanced, who wants us to avoid dangerous extremes, and who, for that matter, wants us to avoid anger altogether. A Jesus who brings us comfort and prosperity as we live out our Christian spin on the American dream.
But do you and I realize what we are doing at this point? We are molding Jesus into our image. He is beginning to look a lot like us because, after all, that is whom we are most comfortable with. And the danger now is that when we gather in our church buildings to sing and lift up our hands in worship, we may not actually be worshiping the Jesus of the Bible. Instead we may be worshiping ourselves."

I've felt like God was showing me these very things, but I couldn't figure out how to write it all down.. but David Platt puts it perfectly. The word 'christian' literally means 'little Christ.' Jesus lived His life uncomfortably. He was a servant. That's why He came, to serve. Not to exalt Himself above everyone else. He came to be the lowest of the low and to show God's love to those who were told didn't deserve it.

In America, we have lead ourselves to believe that we should be comfortable, to be served. We make ourselves think that God would never ask us to give anything up for Him because we deserve better. But if we are living like Jesus like we say we are, we should be putting others above us. We should be literally giving EVERYTHING we have to God. We should be living for Him, no matter the cost to ourselves. Jesus lived how God wanted Him to live, and as a result, literally lost His life because of it.

We are to give ALL we are to Jesus and we are to give EVERYTHING to Him, no matter the cost. I know it's better said than done, but I am giving my all to Him. I am letting Him shine through me, no matter the cost to myself because He is worth it. He has given me my life in the first place, so I should give my life back to Him. He is worth it all, no matter what the world makes us think. If we aren't willing to give Him our all, and if we aren't willing to live for Him, no matter the cost, we can't call ourselves Christians. We can't claim the name of Jesus for ourselves because we aren't living the way He asked us to live. We are living for ourselves and pretending that He says it's okay, when He very much so says that it's wrong.

I would most definitey encourage all of you to pick up this book and start reading it. I know it's changing my view of Christianity, showing me the things I've justified in my mind simply because I wanted to live for me. I would encourage you to really read the Bible and learn what it means to be a real Christ-follower. I will be praying for all of you and I would ask you to pray for me as well...

His love

Love. What does it mean? Why does it feel like everyone else has it but you? Everyone seems happy and content, but you. You've been searching all your life for it but just can't seem to find it. You've been thinking it's just hiding in the closet somewhere, just waiting for the time to come out and surprise you. But it hasn't happended yet...and you're wondering, if it hasn't come out already at this point, it never will. 

Let me tell you a story...

There was a king who reigned higher than any other king. His kingdom streched accross the whole land and he and his son ruled together with love. Not just any kind of love, a love that was even bigger than his kingdom. It was higher than the sky, deeper than any ocean, wider than this world, and longer than the road that his people has to walk on. Anytime his people went through famines, plagues, deaths, wars, he hurt for them. He mourned as his people mourned, rejoiced as his people rejoiced, and was there as his people needed help.

One morning, the king rose just like any other morning and he got word that his kingdom was about to go under attack. He immediately warned the armies to get ready for something big. This was not going to be like any other battle his people would have to fight. It was going to be beyond them and he knew they couldn't do it on their own. So he called his son in and got him ready to fight. He gave his son his own armor and his own sword to fight.

As the rival army approached, the king's army got in position. They would be ready for the attack. Just as the offending army approached, something happended that no one expected. The king's son, riding on his horse named Glory road in ahead of them, with sword in hand, ready to fight. He had no fear because he would do anything for his people. And in that moment, it meant going before them in the battle and being what they needed him to be. He gave his own life and won the victory. 

Word got back to the king that they had won the battle. He rejoiced that the battle had been won, but he weeped that it was to the expense of his own son. He knew what had to happen to win, but he had to do what must be done to save his people. He had to give his only son for his people because his love for them was so great. 

He mourned for three days until he got great news. His son had risen from the dead and had come to reign at his right side. He rejoiced and through a huge celebration for the whole kingdom. And forever would his son be with his people because he won the battle for them. He was so great that he gave his life for the people he so greatly loved. 

This story is a true story. The king that reigned the great kindgom is God and His son is Jesus Christ. The battle won was the battle of our souls with Satan. He thinks he can try to win us over, but Jesus went before us in this battle and won. Jesus gave His life for us because He thought we were worth it. He loved us so much to do whatever was necessary to help us win. 

But the great news of all of this is not that He died while saving us. The great news is that He defeated death. He rose and He lives in us! He was so great that even death could not hold him! The same Jesus that had the power to raise from the dead, the same Jesus who had the power to win the battle for us lives in us. 

Jesus loved you enough to litterally give His life for you. He thought you were worth the pain that would come along with it, you were worth it all. He knew all that you would do in your life, how much you would fail, how imperfect you would be, and yet He still loved you enough to die for you. That is the ultimate love ever. 

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:8. 

THAT is love. And you can have that love by believing in Him and trusting Him that He is good. You can have that love by striving to live the perfect life He lived while He was here, on earth. 

His love is greater that you could ever imagine. And now knowing this great love, you can't say you aren't loved. Because you are. You are loved way more than you could ever fathom. And this great love is more than enough to cover what you are going through. There is hope because He is there with you, holding your hand every step you take. And every time you fall, He's there to help pick you back up again and help you on your way. You are never alone because the love of God is always with you and will never, ever leave you.

I’ve gotten several messages from people back in the states telling me how great of a person I am for doing all that I’m doing down here in Guatemala. They tell me what good I’m doing down here and they say that they wish they could do what I do… but they say they just can’t. They say I’m more courageous than they are….that I “have what it takes.” Let me tell you something. I am not courageous. I don’t have what it takes. Sometimes I think there are more days that I fear and doubt than ones that I surrender to God’s will. To be completely honest, I’m deathly scared of what my future holds. I have no idea how to get the medical training I’m going to need to go out to the villages and help those who are in true need. I have no idea how I’m going to Uganda…or when. I have no idea how I’m going to get all my school work done with all the distractions here. It scares me to death thinking about the possibility of never marrying… and taking in kids and being a single mother. God has so many plans for me, yet it seems as though I don’t know any of the answers to the questions I have about them. I have no clue how God’s going to bring everything together when it’s all said and done. But I think that’s the point of faith. Hebrews 11:1 says:
“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”

I hope that by the time I’m ready to see my Jesus face to face, God would have brought glory to Himself through my life. I hope that by the end, God would have allowed everything to turn out for the best because I am a child of God…because I love my Jesus. And I am sure that God will take care of all that during my lifetime. I am certain that God would never put me through anything more than what I could handle. I am certain that God will take care of my future if I serve Him with everything I am.

I have so many doubts and unanswered questions. I am terrified of what I’ll face in my future. I KNOW that I do not have what it takes to do all that God is asking me to do. But that’s the beauty of God’s grace. God gives it to us anyways because we can’t live our lives without Him. He doesn’t need us to finish out His story, He could do it all on His own…without us. But He still chooses to use us instead. He chooses us to be a part of His great story because He loves us way more than we could ever imagine.

Hebrews 11 is perhaps my favorite chapter of the Bible. It takes all of the great stories of the Bible and puts them realistically. Noah, for instance, built a huge arc to put two of every kind of animal in because of a great flood that would overtake the whole world. Unfathomable, right? If God would’ve asked me to do that today (as painful as it is to say...) I think I’d probably laugh and tell Him that’d be completely ridiculous and impossible. But God warned him of what was to come and he built the arc “out of holy fear.”

Abraham was called by God to go and should stop when God told him to stop. That would’ve been completely outrageous and seemingly reckless. He “obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.” Also, Abraham was about to sacrifice his one and only son because he had nothing else to offer. He did it “even though God had said to him, ‘it is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.’” He knew God is good no matter what, so he should trust Him  no matter what.

“By faith the walls of Jericho fell, after the people had marched around them for seven days.” God would seriously knock the walls down if he marched around it a bunch of times an them made a whole bunch of noise? Seriously?

All of these people had faith. They were sure of what they hoped for and certain of what they could not see. They knew God would take care of their futures and trusted Him, not matter what it would take. And God did do all He promised, in ways they could never have imagined.

So as I sit and question God’s authority about my future, when I don’t trust that He’s good no matter what, when I’m tired and overwhelmed and I don’t feel like I can do it anymore, He whispers in my ear and gives me everything I need.

I still praise Him because He has proven faithful in the past. I know I can trust Him in the future because He has never failed or let me down. I know He is good no matter what, so the situation I am in is good. He will give me all I’ll ever need because He is good. He will never fail me.

A trip with Dick Rutgers!

God is soo good to me! Wednesday and Thursday I got the wonderful opportunity to go with Dick Rutgers (and Dad, Carissa and Taryn...) into the villages... which I have been itching to do since I was back in the states. How awesome it is to have such incredible examples of how to be like my Jesus!

Dick (like my Dad says) is probably the closest thing to Jesus you'll ever meet. Well, both him and my Dad.. And having both of them together is incredible! Dick moved here about 11 or 12 years ago. Going out into the villages is only a fraction of his ministry here in Guatemala. It is a pleasure to have met him.. let alone spend 2 days with him in ministry!

On our trip, Wednesday afternoon, we went to a little girl Jessica's family's house. (Jessica is currently in Hermano Pedro Hospital because of her malnourishment.) We stopped there to see about putting a huge tank in place because they only get water for 1 hour every other day. They fill buckets, containers, pitchers, etc.. anything they can find to help store the water for when the water's not running. While we were there, we also learned about a rash Jessica's brother (Hector) had on his head. We spent Wednesday evening buying the tools necessary to put in the tank and also finding the medicines that would best take care of little Hector's rash.

Bright and early we went to breakfast and then off to Jessica's house to teach momma how to apply the creams to Hector's rash and also to put in the 200 gallon tank we purchased.... and it only took us about an hour to do it!

Our second stop was to Sergio's house. Sergio is a 20 year old young man who's wheelchair needed repaired. This was a big deal because he relys on his wheelchair to go to and from school everyday. No wheelchair, no school. Having not known what the problem might have been, Dick brought all his tools in case of anything. Thankfully, the only problem was t hat the wheelchair's battery slid out of place because of all the harsh hills Sergio has to climb on his way to school. Since we were there, Dick also made adjustments to it..and made it a little faster for him. ;)

Third stop was to Herlindo's house. Herlindo is a 6 year old little guy who's been through quite a lot. Just a few months ago, his older brother Ronnie passed away from Muscular Dystrophy only at the age of 17. Showing signs of some sickness, his parents assumed Herlindo had it too and quite frequently reminded him of the fact. Having concern, Dick took the little guy to the doctor to get all kinds of tests done.Thankfully, he doesn't have it! but because of the very bad drinking water the family has, he has the worst kind of parasite.. We went there to teach his parents the dosages of the medicines...and also to bring yet another water filter to them. Hopefully after having a doctor call and explain that they really need to be using the water filters, they will finally put it to use this time.

Before I went and during the trip, I prayed God would teach me what He wanted me to learn.. and He did.

Seeing all that the families had broke my heart. Dick's teams actually built houses for 2 of the 3 families to replace the shanties they used to live in. Seeing the old, tattered clothes the kids wore, the rotting teeth of the beautiful kids, and to see the situations these people are in, I am so thankful for all I have. I am ashamed of all the times I complain when I don't get everything I want. It makes me frustrated when I wake up every morning and don't give God thanks because of the beautiful, clean, and protective house I have. How could I be so selfish? I have way more than I need and complain about what more I want when there are people who have literally next-to-nothing.

God also showed me their brokenness and the lack of hope. After helping Jessica's family with Hector's medicine and the water tank, we prayed with them before we left. After praying, Momma looked us in the eyes and gave a sincere thank you and choked up while doing it. With my little bit of Spanish, I was able to understand the pain they've gone through. After a year and a half when their father passed away, it has been a real struggle for them to keep going....How could they have hope when they have to live wondering where the next meal is going to come from, having to wear old, torn clothing because there is nothing else in their wardrobe, when they have to hike down that mountain to get more water because all they collected in their precious one hour wasn't enough? How can hey have hope when we as Christians have failed to show it to them? It is our job to show them all they have in Christ despite what they see when they look in their home. It is our responsibility to show them the worth they have in Jesus Christ.

It is our responsibility to be Jesus to them because if we don't, they will die never having met Him and they will pass down hopelessness to their children and their children's children.

That's what I want to do with all of my heart. To bring hope to the hopeless. To love the unloved. To give worth to the abandoned. I want to share Jesus Christ with these people because if I don't, who will? He died for everyone of us, so don't you think everyone of us deserves to learn about Him? Doesn't everyone deserve the chance to get to know Him? That is my heart and passion.Though I have no idea how I'm going to do it as of now. Though I don't have the means yet to do it. Though I am only 17, I am determined to do it. This is what God has called me to do and where He calls, He provides. I know He is enough for me because He has always been enough.

Love Never Fails

I had the opportunity this past week to go to a home for malnourished kids, go to Hermano Pedro Hospital for special needs orphans, go to Kairo's Christian School for kids who desperately need to be shown the love of Jesus, and I played with many, many kids on our street. All of which have helped me to be so very thankful of all I have. All of which have helped me to see a glimpse of our God's own heart.

Tonight as I was reading my Bible,a verse stuck out to me: Luke 12:48 says, "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." I have been given much; much is expected of me. I have a healthy, working body, I have been shown an undying love from my Jesus, I get 3 solid meals a day, I have a beautiful house to protect me every night, I have more than enough clothes to wear each week, and I have 2 Bibles from which I have the freedom to read about our incredible God. I have been entrusted with the story of our incredible Jesus to tell others about it. It is my responsibility to help those who are in need, to help those who are less fortunate than I am.

I think of severely malnourished Andrea at Casa Jackson. He was 1 year and 4 months old and VERY skinny. He would point to the coat you had to wear to hold him and would want you to just sit and hold him tightly for as long as you could. He only wanted attention, to be touched, to feel safe, to be able to trust. He would cry any time you would put him down but would stop immediately if you picked him back up again. How much has he suffered in his short little life! I can't imagine that much pain in a whole lifetime, let alone only 1 year and 4 months.

I think of the kids that attend Kairo's School who have no hope of a future. Their families only know to get married at really young ages, work the bean plantation, and have literally next to nothing. The struggle not only for the parents to keep their kids alive and healthy, but also the families that are broken because of lack of education and the knowledge of an amazing God is unbearable. I know I have a bright future because I'm almost finished with my schooling and Ihave the love of Jesus in me.

I think of my little Genaro at Hermano Pedro Hospital that doesn't have a working body. I can tell he is so smart, but never is given a chance because he just can't seem to get his body to do what he asks it to do. He works SO incredibly hard to say "hola" when I ask him to, he works so hard to put up his own arm so I can tickle his armpit,and he works so hard to stick out his tongue when I ask him where his lengua is.

Everyone of these kids have been failed. Andrea has been failed to have the food and likely the attention he needs as a 1 year old who is learning and experiencing the world for the first time. The kids at Kairo's school have been failed at having been shown hope. They don't believe they have bright futures because they get stuck in this sick cycle that is seemingly impossible to get out of. Genaro and the kids at Hermano Pedro have been failed in getting a working body and having the chance at life because of physical disabilities and no family that is able to help.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 is the definition of love: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..." This also helps define God because God is love. In verse 8, "Love never fails." Though this world will always fail, though it always lacks, love will never fail; God will never fail. God will never fail in showing love and affection to sweet Andrea even though he may not see it now, there is hope of a bright future for the kids at Kairo's, Genaro is perfect in God's eyes and God knows every little thought and action that is in little Genaro's head...even when he can't communicate it himself.

Much has been given to me, so much is expected. I am supposed to help share Christ's love to these people. I am to be that city on a hill that shines light for my Jesus. I am to help the least of these because I am to share the love of Christ; I have been called to do it...but it's not always easy.

Sometimes it's hard for me to see all that He has planned for me because I am only 17. I get intimidated by those older than me... Sometimes it's hard thinking of the difference I can make because I don't have much experience in life. But God reminds me it's okay in 1 Timothy 4:12, "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity." I am to set an example in life, in love, in faith, and in purity. Just because I'm young doesn't mean I don't have the same God in me that Moses did. The very same God that parted the Red Sea lives in me! I don't have to be afraid because my God is always with me. I don't have to be afraid because His love never fails.

So while there are many people even within the radius of 1 mile of my home will go to bed tonight with an empty belly, while Andrea will struggle to keep his food down and regain his strength and trust in people, while the kids at Kairo's struggle to fight the cycle this world has set up for them, while Genaro will go to sleep tonight without a Mommy to hold him tight and without the working body he might covet, my God will never fail them. They are His and He is theirs. "The harvest is plenty, but the workers are few." There is so much need around the world that most people are ignorant of but very few people who listen to the call to help. These are the least of these. These are which He feels the stomach pains screaming to be fed, He feels the loneliness and neglect from lack of a working body, He feels unimportant because of the life already mapped out for them. He feels it all because they are the apple of His eye. He will never fail them because He knows what it feels like to be neglected....He came to earth to bring hope. He is good because His love can surpass any pain that this world brings us because He is good and because He is enough.