This morning we pull up to the airport, help her get her things out of the back, and then wait in line as we hug her and kiss her and whisper those bitter sweet words of "good-bye" to her and send her off. I only say they're bitter sweet because it is so very hard letting go, but they are also sweet because she's running into her Savior's arms all by herself so that He can carry her through this next phase in life.

It seems like it was just yesterday when we were running around the cul-de-sac playing tag with all the neighbor kids without a care in the world. We had dreams of who we might be one day, where we might go, what we might do.. We were best friends and sisters all built into one, we were inseparable. Sure we bickered and argued some, but we were kids and everything always seemed like it was the end of the world. I'd watch her walk away from me, knowing she'd always come right back. And we would always come back around to the conclusion that even though we argued and got on each others nerves, we still loved each other.

Time passed and it only taught us to fight less and become even better friends. We were home schooled in 8th grade and went to school at our church with only a few other kids, so we really only had each other as far as kids our age. God was teaching us a lot then and one day Carissa comes in our room and tells me she's scared, but that God was calling her to go all the way to Uganda, Africa. WHAT!? Thinking she was crazy, God slowly taught me of His want for me to go there too, and it was only a matter of time when I, too, decided that was where He was calling me.

A little more time passed by and all 3 of our oldest sisters went off to college. We were the oldest in the house, we have our licences to drive, we have the same job, we did everything together! Twice that year my parents came here to Guatemala for 9-day trips and we were asked to be 'mommies' for that time that our real mommy would be gone. The first trip we went to our grandparents' house all the way in Pennsylvania, the second trip we stayed home and had a couple friends stay at our house with us more for 'moral' support than anything else and we learned how to be stretched more than we would've wished to at that time.

Then God calls our family (all but one) to Guatemala and we all take this giant leap of faith and trust Him as He takes us through the unknown. Carissa and I still know that this won't be permanent; it will only be a 'pit stop' for before we actually head to our longer destination, Uganda, Africa. These last 2 years, the four of us oldest ones learn to be best of the best friends and we all do everything together. We learn a new culture, a new language, a new ministry, a new level of faith, and God deepens each of the passions He has instilled in our hearts for the countries He has called us to. We all share our struggles, our strengths, and everything in between and we learn how to be better sisters than we used to be.

After what seems like forever(that was partly our fault for not actually working to make it come sooner), God works it out that we both get to go to Uganda for 6 weeks to learn direction, culture, and to help deepen our passions for the place we will one day call 'home'. We plan the trip, and while we're planing it, God calls Carissa to go back two and a half months later and to nanny a family of a few kids for 6 months so that way she can learn to actually live life there long-term, so she can figure out how God wants her to start up her ministry, and to learn more of the culture and language before she goes there permanently. God does incredible things while we are there for our short trip and He gives us so many memories that we will never forget.

We come home and share with everyone that we have indeed been called there permanently and we try to enjoy ever bit of time we can with each other all together, trying to fit all the 'last times' for her to do before she leaves us 2 and a half months after we get back home. We make so many awesome memories, have an awesome time, have some new experiences, and we laugh. Oh, how we laugh together. We try to soak up all those last moments the best we can, but still the time comes too soon and we wonder where in the world it all went..

And now I sit here, remembering and longing for those days when we were just kids, when we didn't have a care in the world but to have fun and enjoy being a kid. And I'm faced with the reality of how old we really are, and with the fact that the time has come for us to grow up and do the things God is asking us to do. She's a big girl now and I watched her as she walked all by herself into the crowd of people outside of the airport, knowing it will be a long time until she will come back. And the tears were flowing and my heart was aching. How did we get this old without me realizing it?

But in spite of the heartache and the tears that come at such unexpected times, God has given me so much peace. Though my sister (and one of my best friends) is being taken away, she is going to be used for His Kingdom to save souls, to love on the unloved, to give hope to the hopeless, to be the very woman He has called her to be. And I am so very proud of her.

And though the hug couldn't ever be long enough and the time with her felt all-too short, I can't wait until the day that I can get to hug her again and spend time with her and meet her again with her wiser, more matured heart and with a bigger fire and passion for Jesus than ever before.. even if that means that I'll have to wait until we are both in Uganda being dangerous for our King!

Jesus, the Son of GOD. Fully God and fully man, He came to earth to save us all. He could have chosen to come as a great king who ruled many nations and showed God's great majesty and power. He could have come with lightning bolts, thunder and fire to show that He was GOD. He could have come with a glorious entrance into the world and He could have had a slam big finish to leave it. He could have come in the way He deserved to come (being fully God), but He didn't.

He came in the womb of a young girl. He was born in a cave full of smelly animals and with nothing else to be laid in but a feeding trough with poky hay. He came as a little child and grew in stature and in wisdom, just like all of us. He was born into a poor family whose provider was a carpenter, and thus grew up learning to be a carpenter too. He came in humility, He was the servant of servants. He taught wherever He went about how to follow Him and how to live a life that honored God. He walked in the streets, risking ridicule from others, risking being stoned, risking being thrown into jail, and risking being killed because the words He spoke were of authority that God gave Him. He didn't teach how to be a great person, getting everything in life you want. He taught humility, to be a servant of servants, to give your all, to risk your life for God, to live a life radically following after His example. He taught sharing the cost of being a Christ-follower.
He hung out with fishermen, he dined with tax collectors and prostitutes, not caring what other people would think of Him. He touched lepers, He cast out demons, He raised the dead, He washed His disciples' feet, He walked for days at a time just to preach the Gospel. He stretched out His arms to love on children.. and then He stretched them out again to save us all. He was beaten, mocked, spit on, ridiculed and nailed to a cross because He loves you and me. Then He went to Hell for 3 days and He took our place but then defeated death and sits on a thrown next to His Father until He comes back.

He did it because of His mercy, grace, love, and compassion. He bent down low to serve, to help, to heal, and to love. He did it to stoop down and be a real person with real-life circumstances so that He could relate to us and show us that there really is hope.

*     *     *

I look around me as I climb onto the bus as people glance up at me and then quickly look away. I gently offer a "buenas tardes" as I pass through the aisle and I grab onto the bars up top so I don't fall on anyone as the driver pushes on the gas. I look around at brown faces and black hair that almost look the same at first glance, yet are so distinctly different once looked at for more than a second. Each one carrying their own set of life experiences and burdens, each with a mission and a goal to pursue.

*     *     *

I ask for 10 lbs of potatoes, 6 lbs of green beans, 6 carrots, 3 lbs of tomatoes, 10 onions, 5 peppers, and even more veggies and I hold out my quickly-filling bag to see her hard-working hands put them in there for me. She manages a crooked smile as I smile big at her and thank her as she hands me back my change.

*     *     *

I kindly tell her I'm not interested in buying anything from her as she holds out her arms to me, both full of necklaces and scarves. She's there everyday in the park trying to support her family and make ends meet, and every time I have to tell her I have no money or I don't need anything else. Disappointment flashes in her eyes because yet another person has told her 'no,' so she'll just have to try to find someone else.

*     *     *

I hear 'perdon' lightly whispered just after she bumps me with boxes filling her arms that hardly allow her to see around them and her hair almost completely hiding her face. The hard work is written all over her face, she's just ready for a break, to be done with all this, to just go home. I smile at her and she manages one back to me between breaths.

*     *     *

It's not even 10:30 and he rushes passed me, skipping ahead with his backpack held up high over everyone's heads, hands stained with blood and blisters from a hard morning and he bends down to help a little one and her mother up the steps and then he skips back on his way again as if everything was okay.

*     *     *

She groans at me and I have to look at her face to tell whether it was a laugh or a cry. She's smiling at me because I chose her to hold, to talk to, to love on for the morning. She tries to tell me stories, stories I can't even come close to understanding, but I listen anyways because who else is going to sit down and take the time to listen to her? I hold her in-between my legs instead of on my lap because she's soaked in urine, and likely has been for a long time and still some gets on me and that's okay because I'd rather that than for her to sit all alone in her chair like she does everyday.

*     *     *

I go over and sit her up in her 'crib' ("It's a crib if you sleep in it, it's a cage if you live in it," my dad always says and I know he's right). I gently rub her back as she gets better situated and then she just stares at me. I ask her how her day went, what life's been like since I saw her last even though I know she can't answer me back. I ask her anyways because she deserves to have an opinion, to be thought about, for someone to be patient with her. And I hug her and kiss her and whisper that she's beautiful even though I know she won't believe me because everyone else tells her otherwise.

*     *     *

She walks by me all the time, feet dirty and calloused from years of not wearing shoes. Baskets always on her head, a mission always written on her face, she always smiles at me with half of her teeth missing. She waves and wishes me a good day.

*     *     *

I close my eyes and I remember her so vividly. Half of her black face completely covered in scars and an eye missing because of stepping on a land mine while she was gardening just a couple years ago, she looks straight at me and tells me God has great plans for me and that He loves me and so does she.

*     *     *

He runs up behind me and musters all the courage he can and he touches my white skin just to check to see if I have painted it because mine is so very different from his. I bend down to my knees and I open my arms and even more courageously he runs into them and gives me a hug and I tell him I love him in English, even though I know he only speaks Luganda.

*     *     *

She gives me a beaded necklace she spent a few hours making and smiles at me, even though she's only 1 year older than me and her 4 year old son and her 2 year old daughter are now forced to live with her grandmother because her husband gambles all their money away. She looks at me as if I deserve better than her and my heart aches and I just want her to know that she deserves so much better than me..

*     *     *

She turns the corner and sees me and we had met once before and she kneels down and our eyes almost meet because she's so tall and she kisses my hand because it's a sign of respect and she feels like she owes it to me. I take her hand and kiss it and help her to stand up and give her a hug because she's the one who deserves respect, not me. Her husband died a few years ago and she's supporting her daughter alone and still gives almost everything she has because Jesus has radically taken hold of her and she wants to give as He gave.

*     *     *

All of these people and so many more fill my mind as I think of how much I am blessed. Each one of these people are so beautiful and each one deserves the whole world, yet they have nothing. Sometimes they have less than nothing and I sit here and complain because the fridge doesn't hold something that'll hit the spot for lunch. I look at all that is needed to be done to apply to a school, to be accepted, and then work to actually get there, and I think about my sister leaving for Uganda and me not knowing when I'll see her next, and I realize that this doesn't even compare to the problems and situations such as lives taken from AIDS and husbands getting eaten by alligators that these people face every single day. I look at my past and I get upset sometimes that it looks different than some of my siblings' pasts, and I realize that even that, the biggest and hardest thing I've ever gone through, doesn't even compare to what they have faced many times over in their lifetimes.
God has blessed me with so much in this life. He has given me so much more than I ever need and I could never deserve any of it. I don't deserve all that I have in my life anymore than any of these people I pass by; I am no better than them. So why would Jesus choose me, small, broken, inadequate Teisha, to lavish these gifts upon? I cannot give an answer because I just don't know. But I do know that because He has chosen me, I have been given much responsibility. It is my responsibility to reach those that these people can't for Jesus. It is my responsibility to proclaim His name wherever I go, to share hope that can't be found otherwise, to love with a love they have not known, to bend down and serve them, even when they think I am the one to be served. Because that is exactly what my Jesus did when He was here on earth, and no student is greater than his teacher. I must follow in His steps and do as He did. I must give my all to Him because He is the One who deserves it in the first place.

I have no idea how good at this I will be. In fact, I know that I will fail so many times in the future to come. But even so, I must push forward and keep trying even when I do fail. I must because, like I said, I must follow in His steps..

To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. -1 Peter 2:21

This morning during church, it was so incredible to hear my daddy preach. I love the wisdom that God has given to him over the years, and I love seeing his passion for Christ come out as He tells of God's love and as he teaches how to be real, radical Christ-followers. It blesses me to have been raised up in a family that believes the things I believe to be true, and it blesses me that I learn more about Jesus and how to love Him when I'm around them. They are my home, and no matter where I might find myself in the future, they will always be my home.

But as I looked out the window, the dirt was not red. The people that walked by weren't black, they were just brown. The temperature the last couple weeks I'm pretty sure have been below zero(totally exaggerating.. we live in Guatemala for goodness sakes!), instead of the temperature so high it leaves you sweating all the time. I heard English being translated into Spanish instead of into Luganda. Tonight as I sit on my bed, typing all this up, my heart aches for Uganda. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Guatemala and I have been so blessed to live here the last 2 years! My heart aches because of the HUGE need that is there that isn't being met, and it aches because I long to be there because being there is my heart and my passion..

I miss red dirt covering my clothes, I miss black faces and beautiful hearts that you can see in their eyes. I miss African accents and African beads and the servant hearts, even though have have nothing else left to give.
My heart breaks for those kids who were so eager for biscuits(cookies) and water and coloring pages because maybe that is what will fill their empty tummies that afternoon and maybe that coloring page will be one of the only things they own to play with and enjoy. I ache for the kids that have mud homes and have to pay for the latrine, or else just make the streets their bathroom. I ache for those who have broken family because poverty drives people to do ugly things and so does Satan and the lack of God's love. My heart aches for those who's hearts are hard, yet still look for love and acceptance and are crushed every time they aren't shown the love they so desperately long for and deserve. I ache for a culture that lies to you and tells you it's okay to lie, hit, cheat, hate, and every other wrong thing. I ache for children who will wake up somehow skinnier and with less hair and peeling skin than the night before that will likely live the rest of their life without knowing Jesus and will most likely die from the lack of filling up those empty tummies. A place where poverty is HUGE, love is scarce, HIV is high, babies are born all the time, someone needs to step up and be that Christ-follower they claim to be. Someone needs to share His love and grace and hope with those people who desperately need to hear it. Jesus calls us to "go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit." We are to go and teach and love and sacrifice and serve with all we are because that is exactly what Jesus did when He was on this earth and we are to follow in His footsteps and be just like Him. And if He commands this of us and if He says we must do it, then when we're not doing it, doesn't that mean we're sinning and betraying Him and not living up to the name we have taken for ourselves, a Christ-follower? I'm not saying that everyone is called to be a missionary. But I am saying that I believe there are far more people out there who are called to be who simply don't and they run away from the Great plan that God has in store. The church of American is right now the most prosperous group of Christians that has ever lived on this earth. We have almost unlimited resources, money, and opportunities than any other time period before us. And my question for all of us (yes, I said us meaning myself included) is, What are we going to do with it? What are we going to do about this increasing need around us? Are we going to just sit back in our comfortable lives and expect that someone else will do it? Because if everyone says that, then no one will ever go and no one will ever teach and His name will never be proclaimed or taken anywhere.
I will go. I will take this beautiful news of hope and love and Jesus Christ and I will go, though it will cost me everything. He has called me to do it, so I will follow after Him, learning more about Him and learning to love Him more and more with each step I take.

And now since I have this passion in me and since I have this calling, I find myself asking, Where do I go from here? How do I go about living life in Guatemala again? How do I prepare for my ministry in the future while I'm here? How do I get work? How do I search for schools and pick one and actually attend it and work hard for 2 years? How do I apply the faith and the things I learned while I was in Uganda? How to I keep myself from falling into the very same things that hindered me and that so easily entangled me, and how do I run with perseverance the race marked out for me? (Hebrews 12:1) I get overwhelmed when I think of those things and when I look at my life now and see the ways that I already am slipping into those things that I was so convicted of while I was in Africa. And if I can do that even after being in Africa, then how can I ever be impacted and have it actually stick with me? But then I was reminded:

We need to stop wasting our time and stop being afraid of what we cannot see and do not know. We need to move forward full force because of what we do know. -Erwin McManus in The Barbarian Way. 

I just need to cling to Jesus Christ and I need to follow after Him and learn to be more like Him from reading my Bible and listening to His still small voice when He speaks it. I need to learn to love Him more and more every single day. And if I'm doing that, then everything else will fall into place. I do know that He is faithful and will hear me when I call out for help and when I beg Him for forgiveness and ask Him to help me to change. I know that even when I'm amidst adversity and discomfort (and sometimes even comfort), He can help bring me through if I ask Him to and if I actually try to come through too. I will love others and He will show me the steps I need to take to get to where I need to be in my future. And He will teach me to love and be thankful for the place that I find myself at right now. How can we ever get to the future if we never stop and take time to thank Him for where we are now? We are always in transition time. Every day is a step closer to our new goal.. and once that goal is reached, then we find a new goal and push on towards that.

Right now I can love and spend tons of time with my family. Right now I can research and find schools to attend hopefully in fall of 2013. Right now I can fall more in love with Jesus as He teaches me through His Word and as He speaks to me every day. Right now He can teach me through ministries here in Guatemala, whether they link directly with the ministry I'll have in Uganda, or whether they are just helping me to gain more experience on the mission field and help me to build relationships and teach and show God's love in different ways. Right now I can stop and be thankful and praise Jesus that He has brought me this far, and cling to Him every single day as He takes me to who He wants me to be, to the places I'm supposed to go, and to the ministries I'm supposed to do. Right now I can learn all I can from my mommy and daddy while I'm still under their roof and I can take advantage of the opportunity that I have of accountability with my sisters.. and I can learn from their wisdom too. And I can intentionally love my younger siblings and show them a love that I have failed to show them all these years of being their older sister.

God is good through every cirumstance. He always has a plan for what He's bringing you through now. And He always wants you to follow radically after Him, seeking Him and loving Him more and more, and He wants you to go with Him and teach others about who He is.. even to the hard places. He wants you to serve, to love, to share, to go, to disciple, and to be the very person He created you to be. He wants you to live up to the potential He has for you and He wants you to use the talents He gave you to get there. And He wants all the glory and the honor and the praise to go to Himself because it is only through Him that all of this is accomplished. It is only through Him that we are saved and made new and it is only His love that we so desperately long for and find when we seek Him. It is He who does all this, because without Him, we are nothing. And that is the only reason for which we can do anything He calls us to do. His power is made perfect in our weakness. He meets us where we end. He carries us when we can't go anymore. He speaks through us and moves in us and through us. He is God and we are not. 

Jesus' hope and where God's leading me

I know that Carissa and I got back home almost 2 weeks ago (Nov 1st... adoption day! :) ), and I'm sorry that it has taken so long for me to write. My experience in Africa was one that I will never, EVER forget about and I PRAISE Jesus for letting me have such an experience of serving Him and others, of loving with more love I could've imagined, and with SO much peace as I was doing what He was asking me to do. I believe I updated you here and there in the first weeks of being there, but I figured I'd fill you in on bits and pieces here and there that stood out to me and that taught me the most..

It was the third week of me being in the beautiful country of Uganda, and I found myself right smack-dab in the heart of the Namowango slum. I had prayed to Jesus countless times before about being in the heart of Africa because that is where I felt He was calling me. I remembered years back to when I was sitting on my bed in my room of our comfy house in our comfy town in our comfy state in our comfy country and I begged Him to take me out of that comfort. Even though I was absolutely terrified of what that might mean, I begged Him anyways because I knew that was what He wanted for me, so I wanted it to because His plan is always best. And I couldn't believe that I was finally there. I look around and all around me is poverty. Everything is covered in red dirt and everything has stains from anything and everything. Trash covered so much of the ground and red dirt huts and hardly-holding-together wood shacks lined dirt roads. Streams of water that I'm almost sure wasn't just water ran through everyone's homes and I cannot even describe to you the stench. But even though I found myself in such hopelessness and hurt and horror, I looked around and saw black faces staring at me, each one full of stories I can't even imagine, each one with a human heart just like mine that God gave them. Everyone smiled at me when I smiled first and said, "hi" and each one wanted to be noticed by the mzungu(me, the white girl). I wished I could go around to every single little person and pick them up and twirl around with them in my arms and whisper to them that they are special and I wanted to tell them that I loved them and Jesus loved them, even if they didn't understand because it is the truth. I saw hurt souls that have been lied to and misled and compromised so much more than I could even try to comprehend. And it hit me. How in the world am I supposed to make even the slightest difference in such poverty? I'm just me, there's no way I could ever be enough or do enough to even make a dent. And as I sat there listening to a mother telling about her home situation of not having toilets or showers or having to wait in line all day to fill up their always empty water buckets, I begged God to whisper His still small voice to me. He called me there, He provided and made the way for me to be there, so what was I supposed to do? And as I stood there trying to take in as much as I possibly could so I could try to take it home with me, He whispered to me and it was so clear that He might as well have yelled it across the whole country.

My purpose in being there had nothing to do with their lack of food or clothes or money for rent. There's no way little Teisha could change even a single thing there. My purpose is to share His love and hope with anyone and everyone. I am supposed to share Jesus' saving story with anyone and everyone because even if I can't change a single thing about their physical state, saving their souls is what matters. People can have so much or so little in this life, but that doesn't matter because all of it will be thrown away in the end.. but if I can help with their physical state to, then I will because I believe that's what Jesus would do.

As the Scripture says, 'Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.' For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile-the Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, 'Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.'
How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom the have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, 'How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!'" Romans 10:11-15

That is why I am called to be smack-dab in the heart of the slum in the middle of Uganda, Africa. He has called me to be those beautiful feet who bring good news. And I am so humbled that He has chosen me to do so. Because even though I was there to hopefully bless them, I'm absolutely convinced that they have blessed me so much more. And I am so honored that He has asked me to go back there and bless and be blessed even more. And it's not me doing the work either, it's not me blessing lives. It is the God above of all, the Creator of all things, the Servant of servants who does it through me. And He gave me a chance while I was there in Uganda to share those good news and His love.

A few weeks later when I was at another ministry working in another slum in Uganda, I got the opportunity to share my testimony with a group of about 25-35 women who have lived as slaves to poverty ever since they were born into poverty. I have learned over the years that God had a purpose for all that happened when I was a little girl, for when I found myself in a situation that I thought was completely and utterly hopeless. I knew He had a plan for that hurt, for that loneliness and abandonment, and I had thought that I had already seen almost all of the good that was going to benefit from it. But I was so wrong.

Don't get me wrong, I know that my story doesn't scale compared to the stories they live and face every single day. I know that my troubles were so little compared to the troubles people all around me have, so I don't pretend that my story was worse than it was. But it was hard, and it is a story of hope and that is why I shared it.

As I shared with the women, I'd say a sentence, Cliff would translate it into Luganda and then Lilian would translate it into Acholi(the native language of that tribe). I shared all that happened when I was little and the things I felt and I shared how God brought me through and how He was there with me the whole time, even when I didn't understand. And I told them, "I don't know most of your names, I don't know the stories of your lives, the things you have been through to bring you to be the person you are today. I don't know the things you face every single day, most of them are harder than I can even imagine. And I can't promise you that God will take you out of any of those situations. I can't promise you that you'll find yourself with more money you've ever had, I can't promise that He will make every relationship better and all circumstances better.. But I can promise you a love and a hope that you have never imagined. I can promise you that even when you walk through the darkest times in life, He will walk with you through them and when you can't stand on your own, He'll carry you. And that makes the difference. He came to save souls, to comfort the lonely, to mend the broken-hearted. He is the God of the universe and He holds all things together.. and He holds our hearts together too, even when it feels like everything else is falling apart." I told them of when God called me to Uganda, and even though I didn't know why back then, I still followed Him anyways. And as I followed Him, He showed me why I was supposed to be there, and that reason was so that I could stand there in front of all those women and tell them of His love and goodness despite all the ugliness and lies all around. And I also said more words that He put in my mouth to say, and I cannot begin to try to describe to you the emotion that was in that room.
That was the reason I was in Uganda in the time that I was there. That is what I am called to do. And that is exactly what I'm going to do when I get to go back.

And not only do I want/feel called to share that story, but I feel called to teach more. To teach of Jesus' life, lives of others who lived before us who had wisdom to share with us that we can learn from. To teach the very words God breathed so that we can get to know Him better and so that we can learn to follow Him radically through life even harder and more closely behind Him than we ever have before.

And for that reason, I feel that God has called me to go to Bible school so I can learn more so I can teach more. It terrifies me thinking of living back in the states, without my family, doing school work that I was so thankful to be done with when I graduated from high school. But it is what I must do. It is in His plan for me, so I must radically follow behind, trusting He'll bring me through. Where God calls, He provides, He equips, He loves, and like I said, He has a purpose.

Today I was a little girl again :)

I'm sitting on my bed, looking at pictures of Guatemala and the people I love there, which slowly turns into looking at pictures of Uganda and the people I have learned to love here too. I have my door wide open so the breeze can go through more rapidly, and hopefully cool off my never-ending sweating that I would most definitely appreciate stopping. I see girl after girl running by my room, and little 3-year old Secret toddling behind, all squealing and giggling as they go by. Then they run by the opposite way, running towards their rooms to grab their shoes and I get excited and I want to see too. The little girl in me takes over and I leave my not-yet-looked at pictures pulled up on my bed and I forget to turn off my music and the light and I run out to ask what they were all doing. "We are going to escort Auntie Betty," answers Big Prossy and I ask if I can go too and she tells me I can and I run back to my room and before I know it, I have my shoes in hand and I'm running out both gates and I collect Secret in my arms. I slip on my shoes and we all slow the pace as we catch up with Auntie Betty and her little daughter Sarah. We laugh and we skip down the red dirt road and even though it's a 10 minute walk we all wish it never ended. We come to the end of the street and we say goodbye to her until tomorrow and we all look at each other and smile and we head back. I ask Big Prossy to help me put Secret on my back because even though she looks little, she's heavy, too heavy for me to carry in my almost muscle-less arms and she does so and smiles at me. I hear the once-terrified-of-me-Secret giggle behind my back because the Ugandan roads are known for their potholes and it's bumpy.. and I add some bumps along the way too ;) I look down and see how far Sunday has come, knowing only the stories they told me of what his childhood had looked like up until this point and I praise Jesus that he and his sister Secret have found a home in Minnesota to go to.
I look around at Gracie, Prossy, Eron, and Esther and I see joy and laughter and I praise Him that even though every orphan in Uganda and in the whole world can't be saved, these girls were. They live a better life now than they probably could've ever imagined when they were so little, and all the praise only goes to Jesus who deserves it and who made it all happen. I thank Him that Big Prossy can live with us for a while and that hopefully she can learn how to love Jesus while she's here until boarding school starts up again and she can go back to school for the first time in years.
God called me here so many years ago and I thank Him and praise Him for the joy that I have in my heart from being here and learning culture and enjoying every minute I can until it's time for me to go back.. so I can have the best memories possible that can hopefully hold me over until I can one day come back and call this my home.
We skip even more down the dirt road and strangers are staring at me like I'm crazy for laughing and playing with the ugandan girls, but I don't care and I keep laughing harder because I love these girls and they have blessed me SO much just by knowing them.
We walk through the first gate and Big Prossy takes Secret off my back and I try to air some of the sweat off my back and Esther grabs my hand and so sweetly asks me, "Will you play with us, Teisha?" "Of course I'll play with you!" I answer back before my brain can even catch up with my mouth and we all run through the second gate and all the way through the house to the back yard. We run as fast as we can down the steps, but slow enough that we don't fall and get hurt and we all stand in a circle and they all grab my hands and I'm shocked and have no idea what to do. Sunday starts chanting a song in his language and I'm pretty sure that not even the other girls understood exactly what they were saying, but they all learned the song and answer back in unison and I just smile because I have no clue what is going on. Then they all join in with the same tune and they start skipping in a circle and I follow to the best of my ability. Then they all collapse on the ground at the same time and we all giggle because I miss my cue and I am the last one standing. I fall down and we stay there laughing for a little while and then all get up and sing other songs and do other dances that I awkwardly follow along with. All the sudden Sunday is on the ground with his eyes covered and Prossy tells me "you're supposed to hide!" And I run and try to find the best hiding place fast enough so that he won't see me and then he yells, "ready?" and we all yell, "yes!" back to him and he gets up giggling wildly and hardly walking straight and he eventually finds us and we start again, only it's Esther's turn this time. Then we break up and I realize I'm getting bit up by mosquitoes so I run inside to grab the bug spray and as soon as I'm done Esther runs in and grabs my hand and tells me, "We're going to the front to play jump rope!" I get a huge smile because I was a pro at jumping rope when I was a little girl.
I skip hand-in-hand with Esther to the front and she hands me my shoes that I accidentally left out in the back. I wait for all the girls to go first so I could see what kind of talent I was competing with and I hear little Secret yell, "Teeta! Teeta!" (she was yelling my name and telling me it was my turn.) I yell it back to her and the girls start and I jump and jump and I totally crush all of their scores. They look at me like I'm the best person they had ever seen and I ask if they have ever tried to start the rope and then jump in after. They all say "wow!" and try it... and they all fail. They look to me and tell me it's my turn and I bunch my skirt together at my knees so it doesn't get in the way and I tell them to start. I tell them that I could be a little rusty and I jump in at the perfect time and jump 20 jumps and they all get amazed again. Then I grab the rope to give them a chance to do it too and I tell them when to jump in and I speed up/slow it down when I realize they won't make it. And we jump for a while until we realize we are late for baths so we run inside and a few of us pull out the game Life while they take baths and while we waited for Mommy Tomi so we could watch a TV show. We get a whole round in and finally she comes out and the girls start claiming who is going to sit by me and they all sit on the couch accordingly and direct me to my assigned spot. I pretend to be oblivious and sit in the chair across the room and they all giggle and tell me, "Noooo, Teisha! You sit HERE!" And I say, "OOooooh" as if I hadn't understood before and snuggle myself between Prossy and Esther. And we sit and we watch a show I could care less about, but I enjoy it anyway because I love being in this country, with these people.
Even though I miss my family and all my many, many brothers and sisters and my Mommy and Daddy while I'm here, it's nice because tonight I feel like I have new sisters and a new brother until I can be back with my own in about a week.
I LOVE it here in Uganda and am so blessed that I can be here and that God can show me all He has since I've been here.
Thank you all SO much for your prayers and your support to get me here! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I could never, ever thank you enough! And I praise Jesus that He gave me this call and helped me through it and has been my strength all this time, because without Him, I would've never, ever made it this far. And I can't wait to see what He will do in my future here!

Morris and the foot tickling

"God is great, I live to celebrate. He came into my heart and tick-tick boom! went the chains. Tick-tick boom! went the chains."

That is a song that two girls wrote the lyrics to when they were here visiting. They taught all the kids at the school how to sing it. So you constantly hear the little kids and the big kids singing it while they play. They also sing songs about being set free because Jesus set us free, being mad for our King and becoming undignified for Him, and that God remembers them. I love listening to all of the kids singing with their very heavy Ugandan accent singing songs I already knew and songs they taught me. I have been going to the school every school day*except for Independence day) since I have been here with this ministry, and every day I am blessed more than the first. I love tutoring Janet and Gilbert and playing with the little kids outside and helping serve lunch to them. And I love the way they all call me "Teacher" (well, sometimes they call me teacher and sometimes they call me by my name.. but with their accents it sounds exactly the same). The other day Carissa, Alena and I arrived on bodas, and as soon as we got to the school area all the kids yelled "MUZUNGU!!" and they ran over and almost knocked us over because they all wanted to give us hugs. I love it here!

Not only do I love it at the school, but I love being home! I love Little Sam, Esther(Little Sam and Esther aren't the kids that Katie and Mallory took in. They live here with their mother), Sam(he's not big by any means.. he's just bigger than the toddler), Morris, Bwanika, Ivan, and Emma. And I loved meeting Timothy, Richard, Fred, Fahad, and Edwin the other day(those 5 go to boarding school). They are all hilarious and so much fun to be around!
I was thinking about my relationship with them and how to describe it. I thought maybe it's like a brother-sister relationship. But then decided that wasn't it. But then I thought well, it's most definitely not like a mother-son relationship. So how can I explain it?? But then I realized. They all call us Auntie Teisha and Auntie Carissa, and that is exactly the way to explain it. I love to pick on them and play with them, and yet I have authority over them, but not authority like a parent. I feel like their Auntie Teisha!

The other day we were playing outside in the front yard with the boys(we as in Carissa and I) and I had bigger Sam on my back. But then he pushed off the side of the porch with his foot and made me step my one foot into the really gushy, gross mud. We all laughed really hard for a long while, but then as soon as the laughing was over, I realized what in the world am I supposed to do about this muddy foot? I looked at Morris and teasingly asked him if I could use his shirt to clean it off and he looked at me like he had this bright idea and held out his index finger in the air, signaling for me to wait. He's not all that great at English, he's still working at it, so I just assumed he misunderstood me and I walked into the grass to try to wipe some of it off. A minute later he came out with a cup of water and looked at me like I was supposed to do something. I looked at the cup and then up at him and asked, "What?"
Because he isn't great at English and apparently he's not a huge fan of speaking Luganda either (his native language), he usually just makes hilarious sounds and gestures. So he looked at me and made this hilarious sound and used his index finger to make a circle in the air, signaling for me to turn around. So I turned around. Then he held out his hand like I was supposed to put something in it. I gave him an I-have-no-idea-what-you-want-me-to-do-look and he pulled my leg up and held my foot in his hand. At first I freaked out because I really don't like people touching my feet. I thanked him for the willingness to wash my feet, but held my hand out for the water and told him I could do it myself. He put the water behind his back and told me "no" and held his hand out again for me to put my foot in it. I was really going to have to let him clean my foot, wasn't I?
I took a deep breath and put my foot in his hand and closed my eyes because I knew this was going to be hard. He started to pour the water over my foot and he started to wipe some of the mud away and I freaked out and laughed so hard because it tickled. I looked at him one last time and reassured him that I can very easily do it myself and he looked at me like I was crazy. So I took an even deeper breath and tried it again.
He very faithfully and diligently cleaned off all the mud from the bottom of my foot and between my toes. I will not deny the fact that I was laughing wildly the entire time and was very anxious for it to be over. He looked at me and gave me a huge smile and turned around and headed to the kitchen to put the cup back. I yelled "thank you" to him as he headed back, though I'm pretty sure I would've been more thankful if he had just let me do it myself.

A little later that night when I was in our room reading my Bible and writing in my journal just before bed, I couldn't stop thinking about Morris and what he had done for me, and I wasn't really quite sure why. He had just put me through all that torture and tickled me beyond what I would've been comfortable with, so why would I sit there, thinking about it as if he had done something great for me? Then I realized that he had.

If anyone I knew had stepped in that mud(other than a kid) I would've been the one to grab them a cup of water and make them do it them self. Feet are really gross to me, so why would I sit there and clean off a dirty one when they can just do it? Then I realized two things. One thing is that Morris used to live on the streets, so he probably could care less about touching my feet and would probably stick my foot in his mouth if I had asked him to. I also realized that Morris was being a servant. These boys here have such a respect and are so willing to serve all the aunties and uncles here, even Carissa and I who are only here for 2 and a half weeks.
Looking back, I wish I would've been more thankful and not as sarcastic. He served me in a way I wouldn't have been that willing to serve him in. And now thinking about it, it blesses me so much! My pride is too big and I still have a long way to go as far as learning humility and servant hood. And I am so thankful for all of these children and these people here who are teaching it to me! I need to be washing people's feet just as Jesus washed His disciples' feet(physically and metaphorically). I need to learn to be a servant of servants, just as my Jesus was.

Fear of geckos and chickens and everything else

I had originally written out a blog post a couple days ago that I was going to post today.. But now that today is here, I feel that I have something stronger and pressing harder on my heart that I feel that I need to write about instead. Maybe the other post with be here in a few days to come.

I sat down this morning to spend time with my Jesus. I have been looking forward to this time all morning, and when the time finally came, I sat down and stared at my journal and Bible. I was subconsciously procrastinating it, and I have no idea why. In my head I was saying, "Yes! I'm finally gonna spend some time with Him and learn a little more of who He is and His love." but when I sat  down, I wanted to keep eating the warm, fresh g-nuts(peanuts), I wanted to get up and do my hair for the day because I have yet to do anything with it today, I wanted to make a list of things I need to do before I leave Uganda, I wanted to put on some music, I wanted to go and work out with the other girls, and I wanted to sit here and think about Guatemala and how much I miss my family. Why would I want to do anything and everything but spend time with my Jesus, when spending time with Him is all that I wanted to do this morning?
When I sat down to actually quiet my heart before Him, He started to teach me..

Conviction. I love it when God convicts me because that way He can correct me and help me learn to be more like Him. But then again I hate it because I don't like being wrong and then have to actually work to fix the wrong and hopefully make it right. The last couple days(actually the last few weeks) God has been convicting me of priorities I have in my life that shouldn't be there, things I need to work towards when I get home, and He's been teaching me humility and servant hood.

I know this is ridiculous and I feel ridiculous even admitting this, but honesty is so very important and I don't want to pretend (or try to pretend) that I am perfect and I have no flaws. I have big imperfections, I have small imperfections, and I have imperfections any where between those two. I'm pretty sure that I have way more imperfections than good or right in my life, but I think maybe that's okay because God is teaching me to take those imperfections and try to make them not-so imperfect.. And in 2 Corinthians 12:9 it says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." If I have so many weaknesses in me, it gives God that many more times to show me His power and how much He really is sufficient in this life. Every time I am not enough and I can't cut it, He shows me that He is enough and He can cut it and that helps to grow my faith.
The thing that is so ridiculous and I don't want to admit is that I fear. I fear almost anything and everything to a point that I feel like such a little girl all the time. I fear small animals, big animals, bugs, some people(mostly men), being alone, doing things on my own, teaching and sharing God's Word and Jesus' saving-story. I fear the future and all that will be in it, I fear what will happen if I don't do what God asks me to do, I fear being a big girl and having to live far from my family someday, and the list can go on, and on, and on.
One of the girls that lives here was reading in 1 John, and she read chapter 4 verse 18, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
If I fear, then that means I'm not trusting in God to take care of me and I'm not letting Him have His incredible, perfect Way in me.. and it means that I am not loving Him. I think some fear is good because we are to fear and love God. But if I fear everything all the time, then how is that having faith that God will have His Way in me and trusting Him that that Way is good and perfect and ultimately the best thing that could happen in the end?

Yesterday I was sitting on the dirt porch facing the gathering of children during music class at the school. They were singing their little hearts out(a little off beat and a little off key, but it sounded beautiful anyway) when a chicken walked up to me. A couple feet out from me was a bean that the chicken wanted to eat, but she was scared of me. She hesitated from a couple feet away and kept darting her eyes at the seed and then back at me, wondering if she could make it to the seed and back without me hurting her. When she first walked up, I was terrified. My heart started racing and my knees felt kind of weak and I wanted to scare the hen away without her getting her bean because I didn't want her close to me. As I watched her being afraid of me and staring at the bean and then back at me, I realized how absolutely ridiculous it was for me to fear the fearful chicken. I wasn't trusting God to take care of me (or trusting Him even if the chicken by slim chance decided to attack me). I trusted Him to provide for my trip, to bring me all the way here to Uganda, and yet I was afraid of the two or two-and-a-half foot chicken standing in front of me. I prayed that Jesus would give me the courage I needed to not be afraid of the chicken and He helped me. I was literally reaching my hand out to touch it when she darted for the silly bean and ran away clucking and bobbing her head back and forth.
I also feared the tiny inch and a half-long gecko that fell on my face while making beads the other day. I feared the baby goat that I was trying to quickly take a picture of when we were returning home from a day of fun with the boys. I feared the men who were callings us beautiful mzungus(white people) and saying things in Luganda that I was very thankful that I didn't understand a couple days ago when Carissa and I ran out to get chapates for dinner(the boys made dinner and put minnows in it....not a fan of minnows). I am afraid of the boda every time I have to ride one. And I was a afraid of standing up in the middle of the church service last Sunday and actually preaching the TRUE Word of God because the pastor had it all wrong.
I need to let go of the fear because like it says in 1 John, if I fear, then I am not made perfect in love. I asked God to teach me more about Him and His love when I sat down to spend time with Him, and He started teaching me in a way that I didn't expect.
I went on reading in 1 John 5 and starting at verse one and it says,
Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves the father loves his child as well. This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.

I am not carrying out His commands when I fear because He tells me not to fear. And when I love Him and believe in His Son, then He helps me overcome the world.. which includes the fear and all the temptation that is in it. God is love, not fear. So I must learn to love Him and overcome the fear. His power is made perfect in weakness, so I know that He will meet me where I end and He will compensate for the courage that I lack. And He will teach me that courage and how to apply it in other areas of life too.

I am SO very thankful that God has been with me, that He is with me, and that He will continue to be with me as I carry out the rest of my time here(and even when I'm home and everywhere else that I will go). My time is half-way up now, and I can hardly believe it.  God has been so good to me and He has been teaching me and growing me. So now I'm praying that He will continue to teach me to love Him and others and help me not to fear, and that I will take all of this with me when I go home to Guatemala and keep it with me wherever I go. I LOVE Uganda and I can't wait for the day that I can actually be here to stay!

Praising Jesus

This morning I woke up praising my Jesus. He deserves every bit of praise that I could ever give Him and SO much more.
I loved being able to live with the Broce family for a week and a half, I loved it how much they helped us to put this whole trip together, and I have been so blessed by them!
Now I am at a ministry called Doors. They started out being 2 freshly-graduated from college taking in boys off the street. But now they actually have a house, they have 5 kids that go to day school and come home in the evenings and weekends, and 5 kids that go to boarding school. they also took over a school nearby(ish) and run that, they do medical every so often and give vitamins and medicine, and they have a jewelry ministry. We moved in yesterday, and ever since then, I have been so blessed to sit and listen to the 5 out of 7 ladies who live here telling stories, speaking wisdom and showing a love and a passion that I beg God to help me have too. And they most certainly do not live like most Americans do.

So this morning I felt like I woke up to Uganda. I praised Jesus as I heard Luganda being spoken outside and awkward squawks I didn't know birds could make, and I praised Him as I opened my eyes to a canopy of mosquito netting protecting me from all the mosquitos and the flies. I praised Him as I got up, changed, and went to the living room where I found everyone sitting and drinking coffee and reading their Bibles. I praised Jesus as we did a work out called "Insanity" and I praised Him as I found out that the work out was indeed insane and I praised Jesus as all of me felt like a noodle as I rinsed off in the shower before heading to the school. I praised Jesus for the hilariously awkward helmet I must wear as I ride the bodas (motorcycles) and I praised Him for the fear I had that caused me to hold on a little tighter as I was absolutely convinced we would for sure hit a wheel-barrel stopped on the side of the road or be squished like a bug because we were trying to fit in too-tight of spaces. I PRAISED Jesus when we finally got off and wen I knew that He was giving me another chance to live because He spared me of the terrifying boda.
I praised Him as we walked inside and was welcomed by a million black eyes and dark faces that were staring back at us instead of paying attention to their teachers. I praised Jesus as I was able to whisper His name as I applied cream to 50 heads of ring worm and as I cleaned out and bandaged up 4 wounds. I praised Him as I tried to help a little girl Dorrin learn how to write the letters "a," "b," and "c." I praised Jesus for chalk boards to write on, for still-holding together benches of which to sit on, tables to put books on, teachers to teach, cooks to cook, and His love and presence as He makes all of it happen. I praised Him as we walked under the scorching sun to a Mexicans restaurant called, "The little donkey" (yes, it was English, it wasn't even "El burrito" in Spanish) that seemed to be about 100 miles away from the school(totally exaggerating). I praised Jesus as we got back and I got to sit in the back of the class as Mallory was teaching English to some of the mothers of the children who attend the school. And I was praising Him as He helped the boda driver not to kill us on the way home (somehow the 2nd boda ride was even scarier than the first).

I am SO thankful for my Jesus and for all that He has done for me and all that He has done for these people here. It is such a HUGE privilege to be here and to praise my Jesus with the other missionary girls who live here and with all the Ugandans we have been working with. He is ALWAYS faithful. And I invite Him and I pray that He will keep filling me with His love and mercy and hope and faith and that He will do the same to those who are here too. Come, Lord Jesus, come! 

Uganda!

Today Carissa and I went to a school that a ministry here in Uganda has taken over and we started out the morning doing medical stuff. I was in charge of cleaning out and bandaging up wounds on kids and it felt so good to be there! Then they put me on teaching a few(4) students how to read. They are older kids, but struggle in actually reading. I never thought I could like being or could be good at being a teacher. But it was so fun!

I'm actually surprised that I came home in one piece and with all of(most of) my hair. All the kids love being with, holding the hand of, doing the hair of, and staring at the mzungus (white people). I thought sure one of them might actually manage to pull off one or both of my arms or pulling out all of my hair. But in spite of all the pulling and not-so-smoothness, it is incredible to look into each and every one's almost-black eyes, dark skin, and white smiles. Each one has such a beauty that is hidden when first looked at, but once you get them to smile, I think the whole world brightens up (not that they are ugly at first-glance by any means! They are so beautiful even when they aren't smiling that it makes them that much more beautiful when they do smile). It makes traveling 8,500 miles all the way to come here SO worth it.

I think I understand now more than ever why Jesus said that it is harder for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. As I look at each kid, I see joy in spite of the world they find themselves living in. They have nothing, yet they can still smile and laugh and make my day and have a joy that I can only believe Jesus put there. Why should it be so hard for me and everyone else that has SO much more than them need to do that too? I think it partly has to do with the fact that we don't really need to rely on Jesus that much. I mean we do, but not nearly to the extreme that these people do. And I believe that part of it is that we build up treasures here on earth and we build our faith based upon material things instead of our Jesus.

I had my cross necklace on this morning (as I usually do) and a little boy that I was playing with noticed it. He took it into his hands and began talking endlessly to his friend about something I didn't understand (I hoped it had at least something to do with my necklace because he continued to hold it and point to it). And then I heard one of the few words in Luganda that I've learned in my few days of being here. Yesu. The word for Jesus. Somebody had been teaching this kid and at least he knew that Jesus was related to the cross.. He might understand it completely, or he might not. But I know that he's getting there!

For such a long time I have been praying that God would bless the people here and somehow teach them about Him and show them His love that He has for them. And I prayed that maybe I could be a blessing that could teach them of Jesus' love and hope He offered to them when He died on the cross for them (and for me). And I cannot begin to describe to you the joy that I have in my heart now that I'm here because He has already begun. I know I'm in a small part of Uganda and I've only been here such a short time and I only know a few kids, but I see hope. Hope where I least expected it and love and joy where I wasn't sure there would be. Our God is GOOD and He never forgets His people!

And I hoped I was going to be the one to bless others by being here and share God's love, but I was so wrong. Because I am the one being blessed by being here. I am the one learning His love in ways I never understood before and I am seeing my Jesus in the eyes of these precious children. I don't deserve to be here with these people, and I don't deserve this love and mercy God showers down on me every day. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of you who have given financially, who have thought of us and who have prayed for us in all of this! My life is forever changed, and I pray that many others will be changed too! God is SO good!

9 more days!

Only 9 days are left until Carissa and I step foot on an airplane and our lives will be forever changed. I am so thankful for how incredibly faithful God has been through all of this, and I am so very thankful that I can know He will continue to be the rest of the way!
In these last weeks, Carissa and I have been planning and preparing for what will come on our trip. Like, emailing and messaging missionaries that are oh, so helpful and answer our every question we think of about what to expect or bring, like making a master packing list of every little thing we(well, I) can think of that we will need to bring, like paca(clothes store) runs to make sure we have skirts and shirts that will work with and match those skirts, like waiting and watching as God is providing everything we need, and anticipating this trip we've been looking forward to for such a long time!
Now that the time is finally just a few days away, the reality is setting in of the fact that I'm going to have to be away from my family and my Mommy and Daddy for a whole month and a half! I've never been away from my family for such a long time, let alone so far! It's scary thinking of us living there and experiencing life all by ourselves, but I am so VERY confident that God will take care of us and that His Will will be done while we are there.
And it's also somewhat intimidating thinking about how everything I've ever believed in is being put on the line. I have believed(and still believe with ALL my heart!) that God is ALWAYS faithful and He ALWAYS has a purpose for things and that He ALWAYS works for the greater good of those who love and serve Him, and now it is all being put to the test. Was I right about all the things I've ever believed in, is God really faithful, will He really come through, and will He really be everything He promises He will always be?
Anytime I think of these questions, anytime they are brought to my mind, God answers them with the perfect answer. I Am. He Is Faithful. He Is Good. He Is perfect. He Is Love. He Is All-knowing. He Is All-powerful. He Is wonderful. He Is grace. He Is Mercy. He Is my God who deserves to be praised with every breath I have in me.

So though the last weeks have been somewhat stressful with a never-ending to do list that is never completely checked off, God is faithful. And I praise Him for that! He has put this trip together, He has picked this time and this place, and He has chosen Carissa and me. And I will trust Him that His Will be done in and through it.

Prayers that the rest of the support will come in and prayers that Carissa and I will have peace as the day actually gets here are very much appreciated! Thank you all for your prayers and for all of the support you have all given. Carissa and I are SO very blessed!